Bend It Like Shepherd
by Mrs. McDreamy MD
Summary: Derek is a star football soccer player and Meredith is the owner's daughter. What happens while she is being groomed to take over management of the team? AU MerDer.
1. Chapter 1

Derek Shepherd walks out onto the pitch, the screams of the crowd filling his ears as they see him. It feels great. It feels exhilarating. He feels pumped. He feels ready. He runs his fingers through his thick curly hair before waving to the large crowd, causing them to cheer even louder. He loves this. He loves his fans. It is what he lives for. He lives for this game. He lives for his fans. It is who he is. It is who he is and he wouldn't change it for anything.

Derek Shepherd has worked his entire life for this. To be great. To be the best. Derek Shepherd is considered one of the best. He is the one that everyone wants on their side and nobody wants to be up against. He has worked hard to get here. He sacrificed so much, but he loves his life. He loves it. He loves the game. Playing is his drug, winning is his high. He plays to win. He plays to win and he plays for the love of the game.

Derek Shepherd's life may seem perfect to any outsider looking in. He has an amazing job, a different girl on his arm every other week, and the fame and fortune that so many wish for. However, Derek's like is far from perfect. He loves his job. He really does and he does have the fame and fortune, but that isn't important to Derek. He doesn't care about how many people recognize him on the street or how much money he has. He doesn't care because he feels completely alone. He feels completely alone with the exception of his amazingly large family.

He loves his family. He does. He loves them very much, but he lacks the one thing that everyone longs for--a companion, a lover, a friend. Sure, there are girls flocking around him and hanging all over him, but they don't know [ihim[/i. They don't know Derek Shepherd. They only know the Derek Shepherd who plays for the LA Galaxy. They only know the Derek Shepherd who makes thirty million a year. They only see the dollar signs and the fame. They don't see the man. They don't see him.

He isn't actively looking for love and he doesn't really know what is missing. Not really. He feels the void, but he doesn't really know why it is there.

He inhales deeply before he begins to warm up for the upcoming match, the adrenaline already coursing through his veins. He glances up to the suite that he knows holds the owner of the team. The owner who he has a meeting with tomorrow afternoon. He quickly turns away and focuses back on the task at hand, winning.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meredith Grey sits up in the suite with her father. She impatiently taps her foot as she waits for the match to start. She loves the game. She really does. She just wishes that she was down watching it with the crowd. She loves sitting in the crowd. She loves getting into the game and yelling obscenities at the refs as they make horrible calls. She hate sitting up here with all of these rich old suits who only look at the match with dollar signs in their eyes. Her father is one of those men. Her father is one of those men but he also has a certain appreciation of the game. Hell, he better have, he does own a MLS team.

She sighs heavily as the cheers fill the air as the team steps onto the field. She wants to be closer. She wants to watch. She wants to yell. She loves this game. She loves it, but right now she has to be professional. Her father is grooming her to take over this aspect of his business. He has many things to do and he doesn't want to be bothered by this anymore.

He told her yesterday that he wanted her to travel to Europe with their star player for the World Cup. She thought about protesting, but she really does want to see the World Cup, so she didn't. She doesn't know how she feels about spending so much time with the Derek Shepherd, notorious womanizer and manwhore, but she would just have to deal.

Meredith herself just got out of a serious relationship that lasted two years. It turned out the guy was just using her to get to her father and her money. She thought she loved him. He is the only one she has ever really been with. She lost her virginity to him and he hurt her badly. So now, Meredith has sworn off men, especially men like Derek Shepherd.

She glances at her father. Screw it. She is going down to the sidelines. They would let her watch from there because she is the owner's daughter.

Meredith: Dad, I'm going to go watch from the sidelines.

Thatcher: But Meredith, you need to be here to get to know the business ends of running the team.

Meredith crosses her arms over her chest.

Meredith: If you want me to take over after this season, then I need to watch the team and get to know them.

Thatcher: As the owner, that isn't your responsibility.

Meredith: Dad, I want them to have respect for me and they won't respect me if I don't respect and appreciate them.

Meredith grabs her purse from her vacated chair and looks at her father. He sighs in defeat and waves his arm for her to go. He has always had a weak spot for his little girl.

Thatcher: Go. I will have Marty escort you to the sidelines, but don't be late for our meeting with Derek Shepherd tomorrow.

Meredith rolls her eyes.

Meredith: Am I ever later?

Thatcher smiles at his daughter.

Thatcher: No, you're not. Now, go enjoy the game.

Meredith smiles at her father before exiting the room and walking down to the sidelines, ready to watch the game and having no idea that one player in particular is going to capture her interest.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

**You guys are getting this story as I write it, so the updates will not be as frequent as the other fics that have been posted. This is my newest fic. Hope you like it.**

**-Marci**


	2. Chapter 2

Marty escorts Meredith down to the sidelines, where she stands next to the team benches. She looks at Marty, expecting him to go back up to the suite, but he nods at her and smiles.

Marty: Sorry, Miss. Mr. Grey instructed me to stay with you.

Meredith sighs in frustration as she turns her attention back to the field where the players are warming up. She doesn't need a babysitter. She is almost twenty-one years old damnit! The coach of the Galaxy walks over to her. He doesn't recognize her, nor does he immediately notice the pass hanging around her neck.

Coach: I'm sorry, but you can't be down here.

Meredith smiles kindly at him. She doesn't want the coach of the team to hate her. He will be seeing a lot of her in the future.

Meredith: Actually, I can be. I don't think we've met.

Meredith sticks out her small hand.

Meredith: I'm Meredith Grey.

The coach's mouth falls open slightly as he reaches out his hand and shakes Meredith's.

Coach: So, you are the owner's daughter?

Meredith nods her head shyly.

Meredith: Guilty.

Coach: And you are the one who is taking over the management of the team next season?

Meredith: Guilty again.

Coach: And you are the one travelling with Derek Shepherd to Europe next week for the World Cup?

Meredith: Yes.

Meredith is starting to get annoyed with all of the questions. What is this guy's problem? Is it because she lacks a penis that he doesn't think she will do a good job managing the team? She folds her arms over her chest, in a gesture that shows she is getting defensive.

Coach: And how old are you?

Oh. So that was his problem. Her age. She could understand that. She is young. She is very young, but she has been living and breathing this sport for most of her life. She is the reason that her father bought the team in the first place. It was always his plan to hand it over to her. Sure, she was shocked that he had done it so soon, but she isn't complaining.

Meredith: I am twenty years old.

Meredith decides to interrupt his line of questioning and just be up front with him.

Meredith: I know that I am young. I know that very well, but you should know that I intend to be much more involved with the team than my father.

The Coach looks like he is about to say something, but Meredith holds up her hand to signal that she isn't done speaking.

Meredith: I do not plan to interfere with your coaching in any way. I think you are doing an amazing job and the players seem happy. My passion is this game. I love the game and I have a great appreciation for it so know that I want what is best for the team and I will work my hardest to make sure that that is achieved.

The Coach is stunned into silence. This young woman is really well spoken. Maybe he should give her a chance. He is just worried about his players. Half of them are married, but the other half, well, they might just attempt to eat her alive. He realizes that he really doesn't have a choice. The owner is signing the team over to her at the end of the season and if he doesn't act compiant, he could get the sack. So, he smiles.

Coach: I look forward to working with you, Miss Grey.

Meredith smiles, a feeling of relief washing over her.

Meredith: Call me Meredith.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Derek bends over and grabs his ankle as he stretches. He closes his eyes and enjoys the noises of his surroundings. He can hear the sounds of the growing crowd, an occasional "Go Shepherd" or "Galaxy Rocks" reaching his ears. He feels his adrenaline building as the time before the match winds down. Is it an evening match, as the aromas of the dusk fill Derek's nostrils as he inhales while switching to his other side.

He knows that this is the calm before the storm. The calm before his competitive spirit kicks in and tells him it's time to kick ass, because that is what he does, kicks ass.

He glances over to the sidelines and sees his coach talking with a young woman, a very hot young woman. He looks over to the player at his right.

Derek: Hey, Landon!

Landon looks over at Derek.

Derek: Looks like Coach is going for the young ones now.

Derek motions towards the coach with his head. Landon laughs.

Landon: Isn't he married?

Derek shrugs.

Derek: That doesn't stop some people.

Derek shakes his head in disgust as he straightens up. He glances at the hot blonde again.

Landon: She is hot.

Derek chuckles.

Derek: Yes. She is, but she also looks like she could be a bitch.

Landon laughs.

Landon: Been burned recently?

Derek: I don't get burned.

Landon laughs.

Landon: Right.

Derek glances at Landon before he begins to run, bringing his knees up to his chest as he loosens up his leg muscles. He glances over at the sidelines again and sees her smiling. She has an amazing smile.

Derek (to himself): Focus. You only have a couple more minutes to warm up. Focus, Derek, focus.

Derek looks up at the clock on the scoreboard and sees that it is time to exit the field before walking back out with the children for the National Anthem. He runs into the tunnel leading out onto the field and gets in line. He is first in line because he is captain of the team. He glances at the young boy whose hand he is supposed to hold as he walks out onto the field. The boy looks up at him and smiles, obviously a little nervous, and Derek smiles back. Derek bends down slightly.

Derek: Nervous.

The young boy nods.

Derek: What's your name?

Boy:J...J.. Jason.

Derek: Well, Jason, want to know a secret?

The boy nods.

Derek: I'm nervous too.

Jason: R...r...really??

Derek nods.

Jason: So, what do you do?

Derek smiles.

Derek: Well, I picture the crowd in their underwear.

Jason giggles.

Jason: Really?

Derek: Yup.

Jason: Does it work?

Derek: Everytime.

Derek reaches out his hand toward Jason, who quickly grabs it. Derek straightens up and looks at him.

Derek: Ready?

Jason: I am now.

Derek: Good. Let's go.

Derek leads Jason and the rest of the team out onto the field and they are greeted with a screaming crowd. Derek looks down at Jason and winks, causing Jason to giggle. They all stand in a line facing the American Flag, their right hands over their hearts as they hear the National Anthem being played. Derek mouths the words as he begins to convert his nervous energy into a useful force which he plans to use to defeat the opposing team.

The Anthem ends and Derek bends down to tighten his laces and pull up his socks, his eyes landing on a petite figure. There is something about her. There is something about her but he doesn't know what it is. The sound of a whistle telling him to get into position interrupts his thoughts and he runs to take his place, now completely prepared for the match to begin.

**Wow. The response has been great. I will do my best to be accurate with all the football talk. I am American...so most people call it soccer...and it will be called soccer in the fic...but yeah...I will call it football when I talk about it in my author's notes. So yeah. Hope you enjoy.**

**-Marci**


	3. Chapter 3

Derek feels the adrenaline pumping in his veins as the ref blows the whistle, signaling the beginning of the match. He is immediately in the game mode. All outside noises and thoughts disappear as he focuses on the task at hand.

He runs down the field as a teammate steals the ball from the opposing team. He glances around the field, spotting the other players, locking their current location in his mind and plotting his course as if he is planning a battle. Derek may be a midfielder, but he ranks first in goals scored in the MLS.

Derek groans in frustration as a teammate attempts to pass him the ball, but kicks too hard, sending it directly to the opposing team, but Derek doesn't linger. He immediately goes after the ball and the player. The opposing player sees him coming and Derek notices a glint of fear in his eyes.

Derek (to himself): That's right. You should be scared.

Derek runs towards the player and tackles the ball away and before the opponent can respond Derek is back on his feet and has gained possesion. Cheers erupt in the surrounding crowd, but Derek doesn't notice. He is focused on one thing and one thing only, scoring. He glances to his left and then his right and he sees that everyone is either behind him or on the other side of the pitch. He is the fastest player on his team.

Derek runs over the ball a couple of times as he races towards the goal to prevent an offside foul from being called. He is approaching the penalty box. The goalkeeper steps out of the goal box.

Derek (to himself): Big mistake.

Derek fakes with his left foot before kicking the ball with his right. Derek kicks a beautiful chip shot as it sails over the goaltender's head before bending back down into the goal.

Announcer: GOAL! GOAL! DEREK SHEPHERD HAS SCORED! LA GALAXY LEAD COLORADO RAPIDS 1-0.

Derek lifts up his jersey as he runs around the field exposing his chiseled abdomen, fellow players jumping on his back. He is yelling as he runs, oblivious to everything but the fact that he just scored. He scored in the first two minutes of the match.

He feels someone sussing his hair and he groans.

Derek: Stop it, Alex.

Alex: You kick ass, man.

Derek chuckles as he straightens the captain's armband that is around his arm.

Derek: Get your asses back out there and let's continue to kick some ass.

The team cheers before running back to their positions. Derek only allows himself a moment more of celebration before he returns to his field, his mentality reverting back to what it was previous to the goal. To him they are behind. He always plays that way. He always plays as if they are losing. He plays hard the entire game and that is what makes him the amazing player that he is.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meredith watches as the last fifteen minutes of the match are played out. The score is an amazing 3-1, two of which points were scored by none other than Derek Shepherd.

He is a great player. He has great stamina. He hasn't slowed down at all since the start of the match. She sees a look of determination on his face. He is definitely worth the money that her father pays him.

He goes after each ball as if that ball could win the game. He doesn't play as if they are ahead. He plays as if they are behind. She admires that.

She watches as he runs right by her. She can almost smell the pheromones radiating off of his sweating body. She insticitvely licks her lips. She can't. She can't be attracted to him. It's...wrong and she can't. She is practically his boss. He is probably an ass anyways. He looks like he would be an ass.

She continues to watch the game as the time winds down and they enter stoppage time. Suddenly the ball is flying directly at her. She doesn't panic. After all, it isn't the first time balls have flown at her. She simply catches the ball and hands it to a sweaty and smiling Derek Shepherd.

Derek: Thanks.

He is breathing heavily. Who wouldn't be after running constantly for basically the last ninety minutes with nothing more than a short fifteen minute break? His smile is so...

No. She doesn't allow herself to finish that thought. She cannot go there. She can't. She just...no.

She watches as he stretches his arms over his head to throw the ball in. He is dedicated. He is the most dedicated player she has ever seen. That kind of dedication needs to be rewarded. She needs to do something to reward him and to reward the team. She wants them to love the team they play for. She wants them to enjoy the game. She wants them to know that she cares and that she isn't just some immature owner's daughter who gets everything handed to her.

Okay. So her father is handing her the team, but he bought the team for her. She has been groomed for this her entire life. What can she do to show the team that she is serious? That she loves, understands, and respects the game? Suddenly and idea occurs to her. She walks over to the coach.

Meredith: Coach?

Coach: Yes, Meredith?

Meredith: I was wondering if you would mind if I participated in a team practice one day this week before the World Cup?

The coach's mouth falls agape as he looks at the young woman standing in front of him. He thinks she is joking so he starts to laugh, but then he sees the serious look on her face.

Coach: You're serious?

Meredith nods.

Meredith: Completely. I want these guys to know that I have love, understanding, and respect for the game.

Coach: But they will kill you.

Meredith smiles at the Coach.

Meredith: Do you remember the under 20 team of women that won the World Cup?

The Coach nods.

Meredith: I was captain of that team. I'm not saying that I'm in the league with your player. I'm just saying that I want them to know that I can play and that I know what I'm talking about.

The Coach nods.

Coach: Whatever you want, Meredith.

Meredith: Thank you.

Coach: Next practice is Monday at 7am.

Meredith smiles at him.

Meredith: See you Monday at 7am.

Meredith doesn't wait for a response as she walks back to her previous place on the sidelines. The ref blows the whistle, signaling the end of stoppage time and the end of the match. The members of the LA Galaxy remove their jerseys to exchange them with the players from Colorado Rapids.

Meredith can't help but notice the defined abs and upper body muscles of Derek Shepherd before she turns and walks off of the field escorted by Marty.

**The response has really been great. Thank you all for your reviews. If I make a mistake in the terminology, I apologize. I have been trying to look them up if I'm unsure. The updates won't always be daily, it has just happened that I have had time every day to update. Once my fall semester starts that definitely won't be happening. Just a heads up. Anyways, review and let me know what you think...good or bad...I want to hear from you...**

**-marci**


	4. Chapter 4

Derek looks at his watch as he rushes towards the restaurant. The owner had been nice enough to delay the meeting until lunch time after the team won last night. He runs his hand through his hair. He has no idea what this meeting is about. He is leaving next week for Europe to play for the US team in the World Cup. This is his chance to prove himself to the world and he is both thrilled and terrified.

Last night was great, amazing really. He scored two goals and had one assist. The defenders of the other team targeted him like they usually do, so of course he was fouled more than any other player on the field. A couple of them were hard fouls and today he is definitely feeling the after effects, but it's all good. They won and he wasn't really hurt.

There was, however, the problem of the groupies who wouldn't leave him alone. He loves his fans. He does, but sometimes, it sucks. Like now, when he is running five minutes late because people keep stopping him asking for his autograph.

He sees the door to the restaurant, The Ivy, and he rushes to get there before he can be stopped again. Unfortunately, the entrance to The Ivy is always bombarded by fans and photographers and Derek finds himself surrounded almost immediately.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meredith sits in the restaurant with her father, looking at her watch and impatiently tapping her foot. He's late. She hates it when people are late. She glances around the posh restaurant. There are several celebrities there, now if only their celebrity would show up.

She fidgets with the watch on her wrist. Her father look at her and laughs.

Thatcher: Don't be nervous, Mer. Everything will be fine. He probably just got stopped by some fans.

Meredith: I'm not nervous.

Thatcher grabs Meredith's wrist, stopping her movements.

Thatcher: Yes, you are. Don't worry.

Meredith looks up at her father.

Meredith: What if they don't like me? I mean, what if the fact that I'm only twenty years old and a woman gets in the way?

Thatcher chuckles.

Thatcher: Well, they will just have to get over it. As of next season, you are going to be the official owner. You are going to be their boss. So, they better get used to it.

Meredith sighs.

Meredith: I don't want to be that owner that sits back and just watches, Dad. I want to be involved. I want to know them and I want them to know me, to be able to come to me.

Thatcher: I get that. I do. That is why I am signing the team over to you. This is your passion. The team was always meant to be yours, but you have shown so much maturity and intelligence that I think you are ready. You have endless funds at your disposal. Do what you need to do to make the team yours.

It is then that there is a commotion at the door and Meredith looks up to see none other than Derek Shepherd walking into the restaurant. He looks good. He has on a pair of sunglasses, jeans that hug his hips perfectly and a fit shirt that shows off his muscles. She sees him scanning the restaurant. He speaks to the hostess and she points in their direction. That is when their eyes meet.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Derek stops in his tracks. It's the tiny blonde from last night. The one who was standing on the sidelines. The one that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get her out of his mind. Something about her captivated him and has held him captive since last night.

He finally tears his blue eyes from her intense green ones and sees that she is sitting at the table with none other than the owner of the team. He has to go over there. He needs to go over there if he can only get his damn feet to move.

He doesn't really feel his feet moving, but he notices that he is getting closer to the table. He runs his hand through his hair as he approaches them. They both stand to their feet. Mr. Grey sticks his own out to shake his hand.

Thatcher: Mr. Shepherd, nice to see you again. Great game last night.

Derek smiles at Mr. Grey as he shakes his hand.

Derek: Thanks, Mr. Grey. Call me Derek.

Thatcher smiles at Derek.

Thatcher: Well, Derek, I would like for you to meet my daughter. This is Meredith.

Thatcher motions towards the captivating blonde. Meredith sticks out her hand to shake Derek's. He looks at her hand before looking deep into her eyes. He reaches out and grabs her hand. Her skin in soft, almost like silk, and he doesn't ever want to let go.

Derek (smiling his McDreamy smile): Meredith.

He says her name, testing it out. It feels so natural rolling off of his tongue.

Derek: It's nice to meet you.

He finally releases her hand, but maintains the eye contact. The atmosphere around them is charged with the electricity that is passing in the space between their two bodies.

Meredith (smiling): It's nice to meet you too, Derek.

He likes the way she smiles. It reaches her eyes, showing that she is truly happy. His name sounds so sweet to his ears in the dulcet tones of her voice. He shakes his head.

[iNo. No. She is the boss's daughter. So bad. No. No.[/i

Derek clears his throat as they all take a seat at the table. The waitress comes over and takes Derek's drink order, giving him sex eyes the entire time.

Derek: So, I'm not exactly sure what this meeting is about...

Thatcher clears his throat.

Thatcher: Well, Derek, I'm not sure if you are aware of this or not, but at the end of the season I am signing the team over to someone else.

Derek sits up straight in his chair.

Thatcher clears his throat once more and he notices Meredith sit up straight in her chair.

Thatcher: Derek, after this season, my daughter, Meredith will be the owner of the team.

Derek is sure that his mouth falls open in shock. He looks at Meredith. She is going to be the one holding his future in her hands. What can she know about soccer? What in the hell can she know about managing a team?

Thatcher: I think that you are a very important asset to this team Derek, as does my daughter, and that is why she is going to be travelling with you to Europe next week. We have booked you a suite so you will be staying together. You guys need to work together and get to know one another. Plus, the coach of the US team asked me to send someone to keep an eye on you. You do have quite the reputation.

Derek's mouth falls even further open, if that is at all possible. Before he can speak, an angry voice cuts into his thoughts.

Meredith: Wait. You didn't tell me that we were staying in a suite together!

Thatcher chuckles.

Thatcher: Sorry, sweetie, it must have slipped my mind.

He sees the anger growing in her eyes.

Meredith: Slipped your mind?! Seriously?!

Derek clears his throat, causing both father and daughter to turn and face him.

Derek: Um..do I have any say in this?

Thatcher smiles at him.

Thatcher: I'm afraid not, Derek. Everything has already been arranged. The good news is that you won't have to fly commercially. You will be using the company jet.

Derek notices that Meredith doesn't look happy either, but he is furious. He is furious and there is nothing that he can do about it. He needs to get out of here. He needs to run. He needs to feel the burn. He needs to get rid of the anger.

Derek: Was there anything else?

Thatcher looks at Meredith who just shrugs.

Thatcher: I don't think so.

Derek: Okay, well, I'm going to be going then.

Thatcher: You won't stay for lunch?

Derek: It looks like you and your daughter have a lot to discuss and I would hate to intrude.

Thatcher smiles warmly at Derek as he stands up and shakes his hand, Meredith follows suit. Once again he finds himself not wanting to let her go, wondering what the rest of her skin would feel like under his hands.

Derek: It was nice meeting you, Meredith. I guess I will see you next Monday.

Meredith smiles at him as he releases her hand.

Meredith: Actually, you will see me tomorrow.

Derek jerks his head up.

Derek: What?

Meredith: I will be practicing with the team tomrorow.

Derek bursts out laughing. She has to be joking. That is when he notices the serious look on her face.

Derek: You're serious?

Meredith smiles and nods her head. He straightens up and tries to regain his composure. What is she trying to pull?

Derek: I guess I will see you tomorrow then.

Thatcher: Goodbye, Derek.

Derek: Goodbye, Mr. Grey. Meredith.

Meredith smiles at him and he feels his pulse begin to race.

Meredith: Goodbye, Derek.

Derek nods his head before practically running out of the restaurant.

This is not good. This is not good at all. He can not fall for her. Plus, he is angry. He is very angry. How can he be so angry with hre and yet so pulled to her at the same time?

The one thing that he does know is that he is so screwed...and not in a good way.


	5. Chapter 5

Meredith inhales the morning air as she gets out of her royal blue Land Rover. She is ready for this. She can do this. She takes a drink of her hot venti caramel macchiato before walking to the back door and pulling out her equipment bag. She then goes to the back of the Land Rover and pulls out another bag that is full of gifts for the team.

She smiles nervously as she walks towards the practice stadium. She hopes that they like the gifts. She hopes that they like her. She notices that there is a black Cadillac Escalade already parked. She wonders who it could be, she is almost two hours early. Hell, the sun isn't even out yet.

She is wearing a pair of sweats over her practice shorts and a white tank over her sports bra. She plans on stretching and warming up before the practice actually begins. She has high endurance and this is something that she used to do all of the time when she played with the national team.

She uses her key to unlock a gate to the stadium. She pushes the heavy gate open and locks it back behind her. It is when she turns around and walks towards the field that she sees him. Derek Shepherd. Derek Shepherd is already there. It looks like he just got there and has just started his stretching. He doesn't notice her yet so she just watches him for a minute. He isn't wearing a shirt and she can't believe how right she was about his chiseled body when she pictured it in her imagination.

Meredith takes a step forward, trying to be quiet so that she doesn't disturb him. However, her plan is foiled when he drop her Blackberry.

Meredith: Shit!

Derek quickly jerks his head up to see who is at the stadium this early. Meredith looks back up and her eyes meet his. She smiles meakly as Derek starts to walk over towards her.

Derek: You're here early.

Meredith tries not to concentrate on his amazing body as she swallows the lump in her throat before answering.

Meredith: So are you.

Derek: I'm always early.

Meredith: Except for yesterday.

Derek crosses his arms over his chest as he furrows his brow at her. Meredith doesn't mean to attack him, but his stance tells her that is the way he is taking it.

Derek: I would have been early if I hadn't constantly been stopped by fans and then bombarded outside of the restaurant.

Meredith: Right...

Derek: What are you doing here so early anyways?

Meredith: I like to be warmed up before I really get started. Plus, I like to take advantage of the open field.

Derek tries to hide his shock, but Meredith sees it. She doesn't realize that her reasons for being early are exactly the same as his.

Meredith: Well, I'm going to change my shoes and then stretch.

Derek smiles at her as he moves to the side. She loves his smile. She can't help but check out his very nice ass as he turns around and walks back to his spot. Nice ass. She can just imagine grabbing onto that ass as he..

_No. Meredith. No. You are practically his boss. This is so unethical. Plus, he is a manwhore. No._

Meredith walks over to the bench, removing her soccer shoes from one of her bags before she places them both under the bench. She leans over and changes her shoes. As she leans over she glances up and notices that Derek is watching her. She notices him smirk.

_So, he thinks he's hot shit. I guess it doesn't hurt to have a little fun._

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Derek looks over at Meredith as she sits down on the bench changing her shoes. He notices that she is looking at him and he can't help but smirk. She gives him a look before standing up. He watches as she pulls down her sweat pants, revealing a pair of shorts that are similar to his own. She now stands there in a white tank and white practice shorts. He thinks that this is what she is going to practice in. He is shocked as hell when she reaches down and pulls the white tank over her head, revealing her black sports bra that he hadn't failed to notice before.

She can't practice in that. The guys will eat her alive. He can't help but thinking how much he would like to eat her. He allows his eyes to travel down her body. Her full breasts fill out the sports bra nicely. He thinks about how soft they might feel underneath his hands. His eyes travel farther down and he notices that she has abs. Not obvious in a disgusting way, but there nonetheless.

He hears her clear her throat and he looks back up at her.

Derek: What?

Meredith: Are you checking me out?

He could lie. He could say no. He could, but where is the fun in that?

Derek: Yup.

He hears her gasp as he goes back to his stretches. He looks over his shoulder at her.

Derek: Well, you shouldn't wear something like that if you don't want to be looked at. The guys will eat you alive.

Meredith huffs as she begins to stretch next to Derek.

Meredith: For you information, I can handle myself. Plus, I plan on putting on a shirt before practice.

Derek: Right.

Meredith stops and stands up straight, placing her hands on her hips.

Meredith: What? You don't think I can play?

Derek stops his stretching and turns to face her.

Derek: I don't doubt that you think that you can play. Or that you can play with other girls, but you are going to be playing with men. Are you sure you can handle that?

Derek means the question in more ways than one, even if he will never admit it. She looks cute when she's angry.

_Note to self. Make her angry more often._

Meredith: I can handle men just fine. I am sure that I can handle you.

Derek arches his eyebrow.

Derek: Oh really?

Derek's heart is racing. He wants her to handle him. He can think of some very specific ways in which she can handle him.

Derek: Well, how about we test your theory?

Meredith looks his up and down.

Meredith: Fine. As soon as I finish stretching we will play one on one. First one to score five goals wins. When possession changes you have to run to midfield before turning back and attempting to score.

Derek: You're on.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Derek smirks at Meredith as she rolls the ball around with her right foot. She is looking him in the eye and he is surprised that the only thing that he sees there is ferocity. He closes his eyes for a moment and imagine that same look on her face as he hovers above her in a completely different arena, his bedroom.

Meredith sees the look in Derek's eyes and knows that he isn't going to take it easy on her and this, for some reason, send chills down her spine. She knows he is competitive, just like she is, and she can only imagine the stamina that he brings into the bedroom. She waits for him to open his eyes before she speaks.

Meredith: Ready?

Derek smirks.

Derek: I was born ready.

Meredith kicks the ball to Derek, who kicks it right back to her. Derek stays right on top of her as she tries to maneuver around him. She can only think about him being on top of her in a completely different situation. She can almost feel his skin against hers, that is how close his bare chest is to hers. She can even feel his hot breath against her face as they run around the pitch. She bites down on her lip.

Derek watches Meredith as she bites down on her lip. That simple movement distracts him as he thinks about the wonderful things her teeth could do to his skin. In his moment of distraction, Meredith kicks the ball between his legs and runs around him. Before he can respond, the ball is in the back of the net and Meredith is pumping her fists in the air.

Meredith: That's 1-0.

Derek smirks.

Derek: I can count.

Meredith: Nice to know that there is some brains to go with all the braun.

Derek: Are you calling me hot?

During this interaction they have traveled back to the center of the field and Derek has kicked the ball to Meredith and she has kicked it back. Derek's question leaves her stunned and he darts around her and quickly places the ball in the back of the net.

Derek: That's 1-1 and you still haven't answered my question.

Meredith and Derek continue to play for the next hour and both are covered in sweat. Derek is impressed by Meredith's skills and her ability to keep up with him. It is now tied at 4-4 and the next one to score a goal wins. Meredith has the balls and is fighting to get around Derek.

They both feel the tension rising as well as their attraction for the other as they continue to battle for the last goal. Derek rubs his sweaty chest against Meredith's as he attempts and fails to take the ball away from her. He swears that he can hear her giggle. It is a very cute giggle.

Meredith feels her temperature rise as Derek presses his chest against hers in his attempt to take the ball away. Now that she knows how he feels agains her, she wants to feel more of him. She wants to feel more of him against more of her. She can't help but giggle when he fails to steal the ball. She decides it's now or never. She cuts to the left and kicks the ball hard towards the goal. Derek is right there on her and the force of the kick combined with her loss of balance from the cut sends Meredith to the ground, Derek falling down on top of her.

Derek can feel the rise and fall of her breasts against his bare chest as she attempts to catch her breath. They both turn to see the ball enter the goal, but neither are wanting to move. Neither want to end this moment of closeness. Both are thinking about moments when the could be in similar situations but with less clothing impending their union.

Meredith (barely above a whisper): I won.

Derek leans down. She can feel his hot breath on her face. She wants him to continue his descent to her lips. She yearns for him to. He wants to. He wants to taste her. All of her.

Derek: Shut up.

Derek's lips are mere centimeters from hers. And that is when it hits her. She can't. She is basically his boss. She can't. She pushes on his chest and he looks at her with a confused expression.

Meredith: We can't.

Derek gets a horrified look on his face before he jumps off of her.

Derek: You're right. We can't.

Meredith opens her mouth to speak, but it stopped by the sound of the coach's voice yelling at them.

Coach: Hey. You guys are here early. Did you get in a good work out?

Derek glances at Meredith.

Derek: Yeah, Coach, we did.

Derek can't help but think about how much he would like to continue this workout later. Much later.

**Thank you all so much for your comments. I really love hearing from you all. It really makes me want to write when I get feedback.**

**-Marci**


	6. Chapter 6

Meredith smiles at the coach as she stands up and brushes the grass off of her. She hopes that the coach didn't see Derek lying on top of her. That might be weird.

Meredith: Hello, Coach.

Coach: Hello, Meredith. Derek.

Derek (nodding): Coach.

Meredith motions towards the bench.

Meredith: I'm just going to go get ready for the practice.

Meredith doesn't wait for them to say anything as she leaves the two men alone. What in the hell is she getting herself into? She can't fall for a player. She can't fall for a player on the team that she is about to own. She shakes her head, trying to dislodge the dirty thoughts that have become lodged there. Dirty thoughts that involve Derek's body once again pressed up against hers.

What the hell is this all about? She has never really been a sexual person before. Her last before was the first and only person she has ever been with, and frankly, he didn't make sex enjoyable. Not at all. So, why is it that all of the sudden she finds herself wanting something she never really wanted before? A desire so strong that if she doesn't get a handle on it, it will turn into a need.

Meredith returns to the bench where she pulls out her tank top and puts it on after drying off her sweat covered body with a towel. She sits down to readjust the laces on her shoes and watches as the players slowly begin to filter in, occasionally glancing at Derek who seems to be having a serious conversation with the coach.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Coach: Now, Derek, you do know that that is the owner's daughter?

Derek just nods.

Coach: Then what the hell do you think you're doing?

Derek's eyes widen.

Derek: Excuse me?

Coach: I saw you. I saw how close you were to kissing her. Just what the hell are you doing, Derek? That woman has the power to make you or break you.

Derek throws his arms up in the air.

Derek: Don't you think I know that?

Coach: Well, you sure as hell are not acting like it.

Derek: I...damn it...I can't help it...there is just something about her...she gets under my skin..

Coach: Well, you better keep it in your pants or you will be in a world of trouble.

Derek sighs.

Derek: I know. I know.

The arrival of the team puts an end to the conversation. The team assembles on the ground around the coach, already beginning to stretch. A few of the players have already noticed the appearance of the skinny blonde. Mark nods in her direction as he talks to Alex.

Mark: I wonder who that babe is?

Alex: Dude, she's hot.

Mark: She is. Might have to work my Mark magic on her.

Alex chuckles as he notices her approaching them.

Alex: Dude, she is coming over here.

Derek notices that Meredith is approaching them. He also notices the hush that has followed over the team and he suddenly feels uncomfortable. The coach clears his throat.

Coach: Okay, guys, listen up. This is Meredith Grey. That name may sound familiar to some of you, but for those of you who don't know, she is the owner's daughter and after this season she will be the owner.

Alex: But...she's a girl!

The coach rolls his eyes and Derek can't help but chuckling. Meredith giggles slightly, trying to not be offended.

Coach: I am very well aware of that, Karev. She is going to practice with you today.

With these words, Mark spits out his water.

Mark (raising his hand): She can play with my balls any time.

Meredith turns a bright shade of red as Derek clears his throat.

Derek: Cut it out, Mark.

Mark leans back on his elbows.

Mark: I see, already marked her for yourself, huh?

Derek starts to say something but Meredith cuts him off.

Meredith: I will be taking over the team at the end of this season. I suggest you all get over the fact that I am a girl and that I am only twenty, because I am also your boss. That should be what is important.

Mark: Wow, fresh meat.

Derek (through gritted teeth): Mark, shut the hell up.

Meredith ignores them both as she continues to speak.

Meredith: I will be practicing with you for a little while today. I will not be the same type of owner as my father. I will be involved with what happens with this team. Now, to show you how serious I am about creating a friendy relationship with you guys..

Meredith rolls her eyes as she hears a few chuckles.

Derek is boiling. He is pissed. He sees the way the guys are undresssing her with their eyes. He wants to kick their asses. He is their captain and he wants to kick their asses for undressing his Meredith. His Meredith. Did he just think that?

[iCrap. I'm in trouble.[/i

He watches as Meredith pulls several folders out of her bag.

Meredith: Each of these folders contain tickets to the first match of the World Cup that the US will be playing in. There is a ticket for each of you as well as your immediate family. For those of you who do not have a wife and kids, there is an extra ticket to use as you choose. There are also first-class tickets for your flight as well as information regarding your hotel reservations. You are all having a great season and you deserve a break. That is why the hotel reservations are for six nights.

Derek looks around at the team. They all have their mouths hanging open in shock. Derek watches Meredith's slender body as she walks around and hands each member of the team their folder. They all just stare at the folder, dumbstruck. Derek looks at Meredith and smirks.

Derek: What about me?

Meredith looks at Derek and returns his smirk.

Meredith: Well, Mr. Shepherd, since you asked..

Meredith reaches down and pulls out a tiny manilla envelope. She hands it to him. He is confused. He looks at Meredith as she crosses her arms over her chest.

Meredith: Open it.

Derek opens the envelope and a pair of keys falls out and into his hands. He grips the keys between his thumb and forefinger as he looks at her.

Meredith: I hear that you are a car enthusiast. Look at they key chain.

Derek inhales sharply as he looks at the key chain.

Derek: You got me a Porsche?

Meredith smiles and nods.

Meredith: It will be waiting for you out in the parking lot after practice. Now, how about we get started.

Derek stands there is disbelief as he watches her plop down on the ground and begin to stretch. She spreads her legs wide and bends over and grabs the ankle of one leg before moving over to the other and then finally reaching straight forward. Derek can't stop the dirty thoughts. The thoughts of her legs spread open for him.

He is jarred out of his impure thoughts by someone jabbing him in the ribs with an elbow.

Mark: She's hot.

Derek: Shut up, Mark.

Mark looks at him in shock before he raises his elbow.

Mark: I wouldn't mind getting her in bed. I bet she's fiesty. She looks like she would be fiesty.

Derek doesn't say anything. He is trying to keep his anger under control. Why is he feeling this sudden burst of anger? Meredith isn't his. He can't have her. She is basically his boss and they can't.

Mark: I get it. You [ilike[/i her.

Derek: I said shut up.

Mark: Well, if you don't want her..

Derek turns around and grabs Mark by the collar of his jersey. Mark throws his arms up in surrender.

Derek: I told you to shut the fuck up. Now drop it and leave her alone.

Derek doesn't wait for Mark to respond as he turns around and walks off to a different part of the pitch, brooding as he stretches by himself.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meredith gasps as she sees Derek grab Mark by the collar. She starts to go over there but the confrontation is over just as fast as it starts. She looks at the coach and raises her eyebrow. The coach shrugs.

Coach: Testosterone. They will be fine.

Meredith nods as she continues to stretch. She looks over at Derek and notices that he looks angry. Angry and hot. Why is he angry? She doesn't know. But she can imagine him between her legs as she stretches. Angry and broody Derek. She needs to avoid running into him. Seriously.

Coach: After stretching, they all run a mile to get their legs warmed up and then we start working on cutting exercises and ball handling before running over plays.

Meredith just nods as she moves to do a different stretch. She looks up at the coach and she suddenly remembers something.

Meredith: I almost forgot.

Meredith walks back over to her bag and pulls out two different folders.

Meredith: I know that you have a family and I wasn't sure if you would want to go to the World Cup. So, I am giving you a choice. I know that you guys are only taking a little over a week off before getting back to practice even while Derek is in Europe, but I wanted to give you the choice. In this folder are plane tickets for each member of your family. You can either attend the World Cup with the rest of the team, or you can choose a different destination. If you will let me know as soon as you have made your decision, I will verify the hotel reservations and also find tickets for fitting entertainment.

The coach's mouth falls open.

Coach: You are really trying, aren't you?

Meredith smiles.

Meredith: You all deserve it. You have worked very hard and made the team what it is today. You deserve it.

Coach: Thank you. I will talk to my family and get back to you very soon.

Meredith smiles as she gets up from her stretching and runs to join the team, ready to prove herself to the team and to herself while trying to beat down the desire that has begun to tug her towards a certain midfielder.

She suddenly realizes that this is only the third time she has seen him. Really seen him. How is she going to show self control in Europe? She is screwed. She is so screwed and better than she has ever been screwed before, she just doesn't know it yet.

**So...yeah...it wasn't the practice...but there were some things that needed to happen...like jealous angry Derek and the entire team going to Europe...but seperate from Merder...and I decided to have the World Cup take place in Madrid...I'm not completely happy with this update...but I wanted to give you guys something...So far the updates have been almost every day...but my semester starts back in a little over a week and they won't be so frequent...so I just want to warn you...I'm taking a very heavy and hard course load...so it's not from lack of wanting to update...just won't have the time...Hope you enjoyed the update.**

**-Marci**


	7. Chapter 7

Meredith sighs happily as she sits down on the bench. It is now eleven o'clock and she is exhausted. The practice went well. She kept up with the team and even outdid most of them. It was almost like a competition between her and Derek. There was a tension between them. A tension that causes her to squirm a little. She doesn't quite get what it is, but she knows that it is there and that it is strong.

She removes her shoes and can't help but feel the relief of her feet finally being able to breath. She peels off her sweaty socks, she doesn't even want to imagine how bad her feet smell right now. Through her pain and discomfort, she can't help but smile at the image of Derek's sweaty body which makes its way to the forefront of her mind.

Meredith noticed that Derek's mood kept getting worse as the practice progressed. He was broody and kept shooting her this angry glare, a glare that did things to her. Things that she didn't know could happen with just a look, but Derek's glare did those things to her. And even if she won't admit it, she wants his glare to do that to her over and over again.

She places her foot on the bench, bringing her knee up to her chin, as she slowly kneeds the tense muscles in her calf. As soon as she is satisfied, she changes legs. It is after she has worked a few mintues on her left calf that she suddenly feels as if someone is watching her. She looks up and her green eyes meet blue.

She can't suppress the gasp as she looks into his deep blue eyes, surprised that he is looking at her and surprised at the intensity that she finds in his eyes. It is a way that no one has ever looked at her before, at least not while sober.

Meredith pulls her knee closer to her chest, completely unaware of the fact that this only causes his eyes to darken even more.

Meredith: What?

Derek shakes his head, almost as if forcing himself out of some sort of reverie.

Derek: Nothing.

Meredith: You are staring at me.

Derek doesn't stop looking at her.

Derek: No, I'm not.

Meredith: Yes, you are.

Derek: Do you want me to be staring at you?

Meredith feels herself blush as she becomes flustered. She doesn't really know how to repsond.

Meredith: Why would I want you to be looking at me?

Derek smirks as he crosses his arms over his chest.

Derek: I'm a good looking guy.

Meredith arches her eyebrow.

Meredith: Full of yourself much?

Derek chuckles.

Derek: You want me.

Meredith gasps as she finally releases her leg from her grasp.

Meredith: I do not.

Derek: Yes, you do.

Meredith: Keep dreaming.

Derek cocks his eyebrow as he allows his eyes to visibly scan over her body.

Derek: Oh, I will.

Meredith blushes furiously as she stands to her feet. She reaches down and grabs her bag, not even bothing to put on shoes.

Meredith: You are being inappropriate.

Derek: I like inappropriate. More inappropriate I say.

Meredith's mouth falls agape as she stares at him for a moment. She shakes her head and begins to walk quickly towards the gate, towards her exit, towards her escape from his glare.

She feels him walking behind her. She can feel the heat radiating off of his body, even if there is a large amount of space between them. This space doesn't decrease the effect the heat of his body has on hers. She hears him chuckle.

Derek; You aren't wearing any shoes.

Meredith keeps her eyes focused on the gate, afraid of the effect his eyes have on her.

Meredith: I know that.

Derek: The asphalt is going to be hot. You are going to burn your feet.

Meredith: I will be fine.

Meredith reaches the gate and walks onto the asphalt. She immediately feels the burn on her feet and starts to hop from one foot to the other. It only takes a minute for Derek to be by her side. He picks her up so fast that she doesn't even realize what is happening.

She feels Derek's strong arms around her, his chiseled chest against her side. It takes a moment for it all to register. Derek is carrying her. Derek picked her up. She is in Derek's arms. Derek's voice cuts into her thoughts.

Derek: Where is you car?

He has swept her off of her feet, both figuratively and literally. She can't let this happen. This is crazy. She is his boss, well, she is about to be his boss. She starts to hit him in the chest with her fists.

Derek: Hey! Why in the hell are you hitting me?!

Meredith: Because, you are an ass!

Derek: How am I an ass?

Meredith: Because, you are.

Derek: I just saved your feet from getting burned, and I'm an ass?

Meredith: I don't need a knight in shining...whatever. So go save someone else.

Derek smirks.

Derek: So, do you want me to put you back down?

Meredith: Yes!

Derek places Meredith back down on the ground, where she immediately begins to jump from one foot to the other. Meredith runs to her Range Rover, very much aware that Derek is watching her.

How dare he look at her like that! How dare he touch her like that! He really does get on her nerves. He gets on so many of her nerves.

Derek (yelling): I will see you Monday!

Meredith (yelling): Whatever!

Meredith starts her Range Rover and drives away, leaving Derek standing there watching her. She has one week. One week to get over these feelings. One week to strengthen her resolve. One week. One week until she is going to Europe. One week until her life will take an unexpected and exciting turn. One week.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Derek watches Meredith drive away as he fidgets with the keys in his hand. There is something about her. He just can't figure it out. He looks down to the keys in his hand. He can't believe that she got him a Porsche.

He kind of feels bad for all of the angry looks that he knows he shot her during practice. It was just, hearing all of the guys talk about her rubbed him the wrong way. It wasn't jealousy. He doesn't get jealous. He is Derek Shepherd. He doesn't do jealous. He doesn't get jealous but hearing Mark talk about getting her in bed made him angry. It still makes him angry just thinking about it.

He looks across the parking lot, looking for his new car. His eyes scan the parking lot. His eyes stop when they land on a dark blue Porsche. He can't help but gasp at the beauty of the car. What about his Escalade? He walks towards his new car and runs his fingers along the body of the car, feeling her curves. She feels so nice under his touch. He closes his eyes as he continues his exploration and imagines the curves of Meredith. He wants to memorize her body the same way he is memorizing those of the car.

He sticks the key into the lock and unlocks the door. He could use the remote, but he wants to feel the turn of the key in the door. He wants to enjoy every touch he can. He gently pulls on the handle, almost as if he is in awe that he is about to be getting into this car. His car.

He gently inserts the key into the ignition and starts the car. He can't help but think about how much he would like to put _his_ key into _her_ ignition. He sits there for a moment, allowing himself to adjust to his new surroundings. He runs his hands over the soft leather of the steering wheel, enjoying the way the smooth surface feels under his large hands. He imagines the smooth surface is her skin, her silky smooth skin.

He finally reaches for the key again and turns it. The engine roars to life and he can feel the soft vibrations all through his body. Soft and quiet vibrations. He runs his hand along the gear shift, waiting for the perfect moment to set his car into motion. This is his first ride in a new car and he wants to remember every touch, ever smell, every sensation.

He grips the gear shift and shifts into first. He takes his foot off of the break and the car is set into motion. Slow. He starts off slow. Wanting to get a feel for the way she rides.

He slowly increases the pressure on the gas as the speed of the car increases. He feels his excitement grow as he places his foot on the break briefly to shift into a higher gear. She is riding smoothly and he can only imagine how smooth a ride on Meredith would be.

He licks his lips as he gradually increases the speed. So far this test ride is more than he could have imagined. It is perfect. She rides perfectly. She is his dream car. She is his dream car and Meredith gave her to him.

He turns a sharp corner and she turns perfectly. She is perfect. Derek once again shifts to a higher gear, wanting to push the car to her limits. He takes a series of turns as he pushes. He pushes. He pushes. He skids to a stop in the same parking spot where he started from. He is out of breath from his ride. From his completely satisfying and exhilerating ride. It is the best ride he has ever been on. It is the best ride he has ever been on and he can't help but compare the car to Meredith.

He groans as he leans his forehead against the steering wheel. How is he supposed to resist her? How is he supposed to resist her when they will be staying together in Europe? How is he supposed to resist her in Europe when he can barely resist her here?

He opens the door and steps out of the car and all he can think about is how badly he wants to take Meredith for a test drive. About how he wants to ride her like she's never been ridden before.


	8. Chapter 8

Meredith sighs as she steps out of the car, the driver shutting the door behind her. She was looking forward to this trip. She was. She was until she met Derek Shepherd. She has spent the last week constantly repeating to herself the numerous reasons why they can't be together. He is a manwhore. She is his boss. He seems like an ass. He is cocky.

She tries to paint all of these characteristics in a negative light, but she can't help the thrill that still runs through her body as she thinks about the sensations that ran through her body when he was on top of her, sweaty and breathing heavy.

She shakes her head to remove the mental images. She can do this. She can resist him. She can. She can and she will. She turns to watch her luggage being removed from the car and placed on the plane. She swallows. She hates flying.

She hears another car pull up and turns to see a Cadillac Escalade pulling up next to her. She knows who it is and redirects her gaze to the airplane. She is afraid to look at him. She is afraid of the way that he makes her feel by just one simple look.

She hears the door to the vehicle open and she can feel him looking at her. She can feel him looking at her as he moves to stand next to her. Now she can feel the heat radiating off of his body. The heat radiating off of his body sends chills down her spine and he is standing two feet away. She can only imagine the sensations he would causes if he was on top of her. If he was inside of her.

She shakes her head, hoping to dislodge the images of Derek's naked, sweaty body from her mind.

Derek: Are you okay?

Meredith (in a strained voice): I'm fine.

Derek: Are you sure? You look a little flushed...

Meredith turns and glares at Derek. She notices the smirk on his face.

Meredith: I said I'm fine. I'm just hot.

Derek chuckles as he throws his hands up in a movement of surrender. Meredith looks at him out of the corner of her eye. He looks so good. She bites down on her bottom lips. She can do this. She is strong. She can.

Flight Attendant: Miss Grey, we are ready for you to board the plane.

Meredith swallows as she nods at the flight attendant. She begins to walk up the stairs to the plane, but her knees are shaky and she misses one of the steps. She begins to fall forward, but a pair of strong hands on her hips stops her from hitting the metal stairs. She wants to grind her ass into his groin as he pulls her against him, but she doesn't. She closes her eyes and swallows as she tries to regain her composure.

Derek: You okay?

Meredith: I'm fine.

The truth is is that she isn't fine. His large hands are still gripping her hips and she can only imagine them wandering to other, more intimate areas of her body. His thumbs begin to massage circles on her hips bones and she feels the heat in her core increase.

Meredith: Derek?

Derek leans in so that his mouth is close to her ear. She can feel his torso against her back and his hot breath on her ear.

Derek: Yes?

Meredith: You can remove your hands from my body now.

Derek quickly removes his hands from her hips and takes a step back. She immediately feels cold as she begins the ascent to the plane, aniticipating the long ride ahead.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Derek watches Meredith's ass as she finishes walking up the steps of the plane. He wants nothing more than to reach up and squeeze that amazing muscle. She has been on his mind for the past week. She has haunted his dreams, causing him to have to clean himself up after he wakes up. The things she does to him in his dreams continue to invade his consciousness throughout the day as holograms of her seem to float in front of him.

He imagines the way her fingers feel as they work through his hair and massage his scalp. He imagines her nails digging into his back as he thrusts into her and screams his name. He imagines her tiny hands grabbing his eyes as she asks for more of him. Just these thoughts cause his jeans to become tight as his daydreams float to the forefront of his mind and the present floats away as a distant memory.

He wants to feel her. He wants to feel her silky smooth skin under his body. He wants for her hot walls to surround his penis as he dips into her sweet femininity. He wants to feel her hot fluids surround him as he causes her to orgasm. He wants to taste those fluids as he runs his tongue over her feminine folds. He bets that she tastes sweet. So sweet.

Meredith: Derek? Are you coming?

Derek jerks his head up and sees that Meredith is waiting for him at the door to the airplane. Are you coming? Does she know how much he wishes he was coming? Does she know that right now he is imagining coming inside of her as she bites onto his shoulder to stifle her loud cries of pleasure?

He shakes his head as he struggles to walk up the small flight of stairs because of his erection. He can't keep thinking like this. She is his boss. Well, she is his future boss. She is his current boss's daughter, which could be so much worse. He can't think like this. He needs to focus. He needs to focus on the game. He needs to focus on the World Cup. He needs to, but he can't.

He steps onto the plane and takes the seat across from Meredith. He notices her eyes travel down his body and widen as she sees his erection. She quickly looks away and blushes. He smirks as he thinks about her reaction. Surely she isn't that innocent? She is a socialite. She must get around. But even the thought of her innocence causes the throbbing in his penis to increase. He will have to pay a visit to the bathroom as soon as the plane is in the air. Otherwise, he will spend the next nine hours with an erection. That isn't good for the family jewels.

Derek leans his head back and sighs as he feels the engine of the plane starting up. This is the position that he would be in if she were on her knees in front of him, taking his large, throbbing cock into her soft, warm mouth.

He quickly opens his eyes. These thoughts are not going to help with the almost painful throbbing need in his penis. He looks at Meredith sitting across from his as the plane begins to move. He notices that her eyes are squeezed shut and she is gripping the armrests so hard that her knuckles are white.

Derek: Meredith, are you okay?

Meredith opens her eyes.

Meredith (in a shaky voice): I'm fine.

Derek: Are you sure?

The plane begins to lift off and she closes her eyes once again. Derek realizes at this moment that she is afraid of flying. He quickly unbuckles his seatbelt and moves into the chair next to Meredith. Once he has his seatbelt buckled he turns to Meredith.

Derek: Give me your hand.

Meredith opens her eyes and jumps as she notices that he is now sitting next to her.

Meredith: What?

Derek: Give me your hand.

Derek holds out his hand and waits for Meredith to place her hand in his.

Meredith: Why?

Derek: Just trust me.

Meredith: Why should I trust you?

Derek: Just give me your damn hand.

Meredith reluctantly places her hand in Derek's. Derek turns her hand over so that her palm is facing upwards. Meredith watches him, chills running down her spine at his simple touch. Derek looks Meredith in the eyes as he begins to trace patterns over the sensitive skin of her palm. She can feel her body begin to relax almost immediately and Derek sees this.

He smiles warmly at her as the plane levels out. Meredith removes her hand from his as she leans back and sighs.

Meredith: Thanks. I'm good now.

Derek: Are you sure?

Meredith: I'm sure.

Derek smiles at her as he unbuckles his seatbelt.

Derek: Good. I will be back.

Meredith just nods. Derek looks at her one last time before walking back to the bathroom. He wants to make sure that he has her image down so that he can imagine her face, her body, her feel as he strokes his member, which is now as hard as steel. Touching her had helped her to relax, but it only added to the hardness of his cock.

Derek opens the door to the bathroom and steps in. He quickly unbuttons his jeans and reaches into his boxers to pull out his penis. He needs to get off and he needs to get off soon. He places his hand on the sink to anchor himself as he grips his hard shaft at the base. He begins to move his hand up and down his long member. He closes his eyes and he imagines her. He imagines her naked body lying in front of him, spreading her legs and welcoming him into her hot, wet, pink center.

He groans at the sight that is before his closed eyes as he tightens his grip and increases the pace of his strokes. He imagines what her walls would feel like as they tighten around him and he instinctively tightens his grip on his shaft. He feels himself getting closer as he imagines running the tip of his cock along her soft folds. He imagines her tightness as he enters her. He strokes faster as he imagines her tongue traveling over his hard body and his tongue traveling all over hers.

He feels his knees begin to shake and his body begin to tighten so he reaches up and grabs a paper towel. He feels the muscles in his ass contract as he releases into the paper towel with a low groan that is mixed with a sigh of relief. He cleans himself up and flushes the paper towel. After he washes his hands he leans his forehead against the wall. This girl has so much power over him. She turns him on like no one ever has before. He wants her more than he has ever wanted anything.

He opens the door to the bathroom and walks back out to his seat. He sits down across from her once again and looks up at her and smiles. He can't believe that he just jacked off in an aiplane bathroom. Does that count as joining the mile high club? He has a feeling that he and his hand will become very much reaquainted during their stay in Europe.

**Sorry this update took a little longer than the others have...but my semester starts on Monday and they will be less frequent..plus...I am currently writing four fics...so I've been a bit busy..Hope you enjoyed this update...I know I enjoyed writing it..**

**-Marci**


	9. Chapter 9

Meredith sighs as she falls back on the soft bed. The flight was torture. She struggled to maintain her cool as Derek sat across from him. He went to the bathroom several times and she didn't even want to know why, but she had a feeling that she already knew. She couldn't help but smirk to herself about that feeling. Derek wants her. She knows that. She can see it in the way he looks at her. The way he fucks her with his eyes. He wants her.

He wants her and she wants him, but she can't have him. She is practically his boss. It is completely inappropriate and there is no telling how the rest of the team would react. Plus, she is the one who pays him. It just seems so wrong. She needs to stop having these thoughts about him. They seem so wrong but feel so right.

She closes her eyes and he is there. He is running his hands up her smooth legs. She shivers as she feels his masculine hands rub against her sensitive inner thighs as he spreads her legs. .She runs her hands over his well defined chest and abs, her fingers memorizing every muscle. She feels his lips on her seconds before he slips his tongue into her mouth, kissing her in a way that makes her toes curl.

His hands run down her sides as his mouth moves from her mouth and trails down her jawline. She moves her hands over his strong shoulders and down his sculpted back. God, he feels like such a man. She can feel his erection pressing against her thigh through the material of his jeans. He feels so big. She didn't know that men could be so big. She feels a bit of fear mixed with anticipation as she thinks about his penis being inside of her.

Somehow, she isn't exactly sure how, they are both suddenly naked. She feels shy as he runs his eyes over her. She has never been looked at the way that he is currently looking at her. Like he wants her. Like he needs her. She bites her lip as she allows her eyes to wander over his perfect body. Her eyes widen as they see his very erect and very large cock. He chuckles and she feels herself blush. He suddenly becomes concerned as he caresses her cheek with his thumb.

Derek: Why are you blushing, baby?

Meredith bites down on her lip and averts her gaze. She is ashamed. She is ashamed about what she is about to say. She tries to keep her gaze averted, but even before she can answer Derek is turning her head so that she is forced to look him in the eyes.

Meredith: It's just...I don't have much experience...I...I'm not good at this...I want to be good for you...but I..

Derek silences Meredith by placing his finger on her lips.

Derek: Mer, you have no idea how much I love the fact that you don't have much experience. You will be great. You will be perfect. You will be perfect because you are the one I want to be with. It will be great because it is with you.

Derek replaces his finger with his lips and kisses her sweetly, letting her know that he is there for her. That he wants her not for sex, but to be closer to her. She bites down on her lip, still fearful of his largeness hurting her. He senses her fear.

Derek: What is it, Mer?

Meredith: It's just...you are so big...I..will it hurt me?

Derek smiles sweetly at her as he runs his fingers through her hair.

Derek: It might at first, but it will get much better. I promise.

Meredith nods and Derek begins to move his mouth down her body. His lips send fire throughout her body as she continues to burn for him. She runs her fingers through his hair as he continues to move his mouth further south. She tugs on his hair as she looks at him with panic.

Meredith (gasping): What are you doing?

Derek looks at her and arches his eyebrow.

Derek: Haven't you ever gotten oral?

Meredith blushes again.

Meredith: I...I...no..I haven't...

Derek's mouth falls open in surprise.

Derek: Have you ever had an orgasm?

Meredith shakes her head no.

Derek moves back up her body and kisses her on the mouth. He looks deep into her eyes.

Derek: Well, get ready for the ride of your life.

Derek runs his fingers through the soft hair that covers her feminine mound. He looks up at her as he pushes her legs further apart.

Derek: Relax, baby. I promise that it will feel amazing.

Meredith nods.

Derek: Are you ready?

Meredith: Y...y...yes...

Derek nods before he slowly runs his tongue over her silky folds. She gasps when he begins to suck on her clit.

Meredith: Oh God...

Derek stops and looks up at her.

Derek: Are you okay.

Meredith raises her head.

Meredith: Don't stop!

Derek chuckles as he returns to sucking on her clit. He inserts one of his fingers into her opening. She moans in pleasure and arches her back in pleasure. He wants to get her ready. He wants to make sure she is wet enough so that he doesn't hurt her. He inserts two fingers into her. Meredith moans loudly as she feels the pleasure building. She doesn't want him to stop.

Meredith suddenly opens her eyes and looks around the empty room. Her body is covered in a sheen of sweat from her hot dream and she is panting. She has never felt anything like that before, even if it was just in a dream.

She wonders what woke her up. The room is eerily quiet. Derek must be asleep as well. Jet lag is a real killer. She doesn't realize that it was her own moans that roused her from her wet dream. This dream certainly doesn't help her ability to resist him. She hears the shower start up from Derek's room. He has practice later. Why in the hell is he taking a shower now?

She lies there and listens to the sound of the shower running as she imagines the water cascading down his firm body. The body that covered her in her dreams. It is only when the shower stops that she sits up in the bed.

That is when she sees it.

She immediately starts screaming and jumps up on the bed. It is a short moment later that her bedroom door bursts open and a dripping Derek with a towel hanging off of his waist stands in her doorway. He looks at her with fear and anxiety in his eyes.

Derek (breathless): What is it?!

Meredith points to something on the floor as she moves from one foot to the other on the white duvet. Derek shakes his head as he chuckles.

Derek: Seriously??

Meredith scowls at him as she picks up a pillow from the bed and throws it at him.

Meredith (in a scared voice): Please, Derek. Please kill it.

Derek chuckles as he looks at her.

Derek: Be right back.

Meredith watches Derek walk out of the room. His body looks exactly the way she thought it would and she can't help but wonder how the hidden parts, well, part of him looks.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Derek shakes his head as he walks out of Meredith's room to get a shoe. She looked so damn cute jumping on the bed nervously. After they got to the room he had laid down, hoping to recover from the jet lag before he met the team for practice.

Of course, he had dreamed about her. He had dreamed about being inside of her. He was dreaming about being inside of her when something woke him up. It only took him a minute to realize that what woke him up was the moans that were coming from her room. He decided to take a shower this time as he jacked off once again. No woman had ever turned him on so much.

It was as he was tying the towel around his waist that he heard her screams. He had no idea what was wrong and without thinking he had rushed to her. he felt that need, that desire to protect her. He reaches down and grabs one of the shoes that he had kicked off earlier. He walks back to her room where she is peering over the side of the bed and watching the small black spider slowly move across the cream carpet.

Meredith looks up at him with wide eyes. He can't help but think about how adorable she looks in that moment. She points to the spider.

Meredith: Do you see that? It's huge!

Derek chuckles.

Derek: It is not. It's tiny.

Meredith crosses her arms over her chest as she glares at him.

Meredith: Are you laughing at me?

Derek arches his eyebrow.

Derek: Maybe.

Meredith: I don't need a knight in shining...whatever!

Derek chuckles as he walks towards the spider.

Meredith: Be careful!

Derek: So, you want me to leave the spider?

Meredith just looks at him.

Derek: You just said you didn't need me.

Meredith's mouth falls agape as she stares at him.

Meredith: I would be fine.

Derek chuckles.

Derek: You probably would be stuck on that bed until it disappeared somewhere.

Meredith: No, I wouldn't.

Derek: Yes, you would.

Meredith: Whatever. You are already here, so why not kill it?

Derek smirks at her.

Derek: Because it is just so fun to watch you squirm.

Meredith gasps.

Meredith: ASS!

Derek throws his arms up in the air and starts to walk out of the room.

Derek: Fine.

Meredith (in a whiny voice): No! Please. Please kill that damn spider.

Derek turns to look at her. He arches his eyebrow.

Derek: You really are scared, aren't you?

Meredith nods.

Meredith: Spiders. I hate spiders.

Derek chuckles.

Derek: I gathered that.

Derek squashes the spider with the shoe.

Derek: Okay. It's dead now.

He can hear Meredith breathe a sigh of relief.

Meredith: Thank you.

Derek: You're welcome.

Their eyes lock for a moment and Derek feels whole for the first time in forever. They maintain the eye contact for a few minutes before Derek clears his throat.

Derek: I...uh...I should get dressed...I have practice..

Meredith nods.

Meredith: Yeah.

Derek stops at the door.

Derek: Are you coming?

Meredith: I can't.

Derek arches his eyebrow.

Meredith: The practice is closed to anyone but players.

Derek: Ah. Okay. Well, I will see you later then.

Meredith: Yeah. I will be here.

Derek smiles at her.

Derek: Good.

Before Meredith can respond, Derek walks back to his bedroom. He sits down on the bed in his towel and drops his head in his hands. He has no idea what he is going to do. He can't go after her if it is just for sex. He can't do that. It would kill his career. But is it just about sex? For some reason he doesn't think so. It isn't about fulfilling a physical need with her. She causes that physical need, but he doesn't want her to just be the one to scratch the itch.

The physical need is there because of the strong emotional attachment that he doesn't even realize has already formed between the two. An emotional attachment that is inspiring physical need which is becoming harder and harder to ignore.

**Sorry this took so long to post...it was actually ready a couple of days ago but I was having problems with this site and I haven't had time..**

**My classes have started and I am taking an extremely heavy courseload. I am NOT abandoning this fic, but the updates will not be as often. I will update when I can...but I'm taking 21 hours of science courses and they are very time consuming...so yeah...once again...sorry for the wait.**

**-Marci**


	10. Chapter 10

Derek is tired. No. He is exhausted. Four hours of practice. Normally four hours for him was nothing, but that coupled with the jet lag knocked him on his ass. Now he is leaning against the back rail of the elevator as it ascends to his suite. His suite that he is sharing with Meredith.

He runs a hand over his tired face as he tries to push her out of his mind. A fan asking for his autograph accomplishes this task for a short moment before he finds himself alone on the elevator. Alone with his thoughts. Alone with his thoughts of Meredith. Thoughts that aren't so pure. Thoughts that wouldn't even be televised on HBO's late night porn that he used to watch growing up.

He sighs and pushes himself off of the wall as the elevator reaches his floor. He walks out of the elevator and pauses in front of the door before using his keycard. He can do this. He has self-discipline and he can do this. He can.

He inhales deeply before unlocking the door and opening it. The sight before him causes his breath to hitch in his throat and his self-discipline to go hurling out of the window. Sitting on the couch is Meredith. She has on a pair of glasses, which he didn't even know she wore, and her damp hair is cascading over her shoulders. His eyes travel further down her body and take in her white tank top and her white boy shorts that tightly hug her body, showing off all of her perfect curves.

She is sitting up straight and staring intently at the plasma television with a bowl of popcorn in her lap. She is so wrapped up in what is on the screen that she doesn't even notice his presence. Derek clears his throat, sending Meredith into a jump as she shrieks and the bowl of popcorn that is resting in her lap goes flying onto the floor.

Derek can't help but chuckle as Meredith looks frantically around. When he eyes come to rest on him she narrows her eyes at him and places her hands on her hips.

Meredith: What in the hell are you laughing at?

Derek: Why are you so jumpy?

Meredith straightens up and lifts up her chin as she looks at him and answers.

Meredith: I just happen to be watching a scary movie.

Derek arches his eyebrows as he looks at the petite woman. He throws his bag down on the floor and walks towards the couch.

Derek: Which one?

Meredith plops down onto the couch as she kicks the bowl out of the way. She doesn't seem to mind that Derek is seeing her in her underwear, and this is something that turns him on even more.

Meredith: Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Derek: The one with Jessica Biel?

Meredith: That's the one.

Derek: She's hot.

Meredith rolls her eyes.

Meredith: You are such a man.

Derek: Yes. I am.

Derek wiggles his eyebrows at Meredith, eliciting the most intoxicating giggle he has ever heard from another human being from her mouth.

Derek: Do you mind if I watch it with you?

Meredith: Not at all.

Derek reclines back on the other side of the couch, his attention torn between the screen and Meredith. Meredith has her leg propped up on the coffee table that is in front of the couch and his eyes travel from her ankle up her defined calves, over her perfect thighs until her bare skin is obstructed by the cotton material of her boy shorts. He can only imagine what is under that thin piece of material, and imagine he does.

Derek tears his eyes from her perfect body and tries to focus on the movie. He needs to focus on the movie. He can't have her. He wants her, but he can't have her. He can't.

He sees her moving closer to him out of the corner of his eye as the killer is chasing Jessica and the curly-headed lisping guy. She is scared. She is scared and he wants to protect her. He wants to take away that fear. He wants to wrap his arms around her and make her feel better. He wants to. He wants to but he can't.

All of the sudden Meredith jumps into his lap and buries her face in his shirt as the killer places the lisping guy on something hanging from the ceiling. He instinctively wraps his arms around Meredith as the killer revs the chainsaw. They both know what is coming and Meredith's breathing becomes labored as the guys screams echo through the otherwise quiet room, breathing that automatically makes him think about sex. Sex with Meredith. The Meredith who is sitting on his lap and in his arms. Her breathing. Sex with her.

He can feel Meredith's body stiffen in his arms as she suddenly realizes where she is. She slowly leans back and looks up at him, but he doesn't move his arms. In fact, he tightens his grip on her, not wanting to let her go. Their eyes lock on each other and he finds himself moving his hand up under her shirt. Her skin feels so silky and smooth under his hand.

Suddenly his lips are crashing down on hers. He is hungry and needy for her. He runs his tongue along her bottom lip, tasting the salt and butter from her popcorn as he begs entrance into her mouth. She acquiesces and opens her mouth slightly and allows his tongue entrance.

Derek pulls her body closer to his as he deepens the kiss, his tongue plunging into the depths of her delicious mouth. She tastes so good. He knew she would taste good, but actually tasting her, it is even better than he ever could have imagined. Meredith moans into his mouth as his thumbs rub circles on her pelvic bones. Her moans send vibrations through his body and directly to his penis. He knows that he is getting hard. He knows that he is getting hard and that she can probably feel it. Is it bad that he wants her to feel it? He wants her to know how much he wants her.

Their tongues mesh together and their taste buds partake of each other. Meredith runs her fingers through his hair, causing him to moan into her mouth. Meredith moves her hips slightly, rubbing up against his now throbbing erection. He groans in tantalizing pleasure.

Just as Derek begins to make the move to lie her down on the couch, there is a knock at the door. Meredith quickly jumps up and runs to the door and Derek groans quietly in sexual frustration. This week just keeps getting harder and harder, just like his ever present erection.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meredith quickly opens the door to reveal the room service that she had forgotten that she had ordered. She tries to regain her composure as she quickly ushers the wide eyed youth into the suite. She doesn't realize that she is barely covered.

She avoids Derek's intense eyes as she glances around the suite.

Meredith: I…um…ordered room service…

She can almost feel Derek smirking as she hears him get up off of the couch.

Derek: I can see that.

Meredith quickly hands the youth a large bill before he leaves the room. The sexual tension in the air is strong. Meredith is horny. She is. That kiss. That kiss was wow. That kiss was enough to send her into an orgasm if it had lasted much longer. If it had lasted much longer it would have turned into something more than a kiss. She knows that. She knows that because she wants that. She wants that but she can't have that. It's unethical.

She twirls a strand of hair between her fingers as she continues to avoid Derek's gaze. She is completely uncomfortable. She doesn't know how to act in these situations. When it comes to the opposite sex she is completely inexperienced. She has a total of one relationship in her past and that was one screwed up relationship. She bites down on her swollen bottom lip, swollen from their kiss, and she can almost taste him.

Meredith: Umm…there's food…if you are…umm…hungry…I kind of ordered a lot…I…yeah…so if…you know…you want anything…help yourself…or whatever…because I'm not going to be able to eat it all…I mean…I have a big appetite…but not that big…I just couldn't decide…so if you….uhhh…if you want anything just help yourself...yeah..

Derek chuckles.

Derek: You're rambling.

Meredith blushes and Derek notices. He takes a step towards her.

Derek: And I find it absolutely adorable.

Meredith snaps her head up and looks at him for a moment before once again averting her gaze to anywhere but him. Derek takes another step towards her.

Derek: Meredith, what's wrong?

Meredith looks at him before looking back down at the floor. As she speaks she looks up at him every now and them from under her lashes and bites down on her bottom lip. Her voice is timid and she alternates her weight from one foot to the other.

Meredith: Well…umm…it's just…you…um…we…..and I…you know…and well…

Derek chuckles as he moves to stand only inches in front of Meredith. He places his thumb under her chin and forces her to look into his eyes. His simple touch sends chills throughout her body and causes her core to heat up almost instantly. His eyes are sincere as he gazes into her seas of green that are expressing her fear and uncertainty.

Derek: I kissed you.

Meredith swallows as she can see the passion that is veiling Derek's amazing eyes. She nods silently.

Derek: Did you like me kissing you?

Meredith's eyes widen in surprise at his question. She can't answer that, can she? She wants to scream out yes. She wants to tell him about all of the new feelings and sensations that coursed through her body as he kissed her. She wants to. She wants to but she can't.

Derek: Because I liked kissing you. I liked kissing you and I plan on doing it again…and again…and again..

Meredith feels her knees go weak as his words echo in her ears. He wants her. Derek Shepherd, soccer phenom, wants her, Meredith Grey. This doesn't happen to her. No one ever wants her. It is a new feeling, to be wanted. But she can't. She is his boss. She can't.

She clears her throat and straightens up, pulling away from his contact.

Meredith: We can't.

Derek cocks his head to the side and smiles at her.

Derek; Why not?

Meredith: Because I'm practically your boss.

Derek arches his eyebrow.

Derek: So, you're not denying that you want me?

Meredith gasps as she steps back.

Meredith: I didn't say that.

Derek chuckles as he takes a step towards her and locks his eyes on her.

Derek: Do you want me, Meredith?

Silence.

Derek leans in so that his lips are close to her ear. She can feel his hot breath against her skin. She closes her eyes as she tries to maintain her composure as her body screams for him.

Derek: Because I want you. I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone. You drive me crazy. You drive me crazy and I'm not going to hide it or deny it anymore. I want you, Meredith Grey, and I always get what I want.

Derek reaches around Meredith and she can feel the body heat radiating from his skin. He grabs a bowl of fruit off of the table as he maintains eye contact with her. His proximity makes the wetness between her legs grow. He smirks at her before turning around and heading back to the couch. He calls to her over his shoulder.

Derek: Are we going to finish watching the movie or what?

Meredith swallows before turning and grabbing the plate of cheese fries and heading towards the couch. She starts to sit down on the couch but thinks better of it and settles in a nearby chair instead. Derek chuckles. She looks at him.

Meredith: What?

Derek: No self-control. It's sad. Really.

Meredith smirks at him before turning back to the movie. She tries to focus on the movie. She tries really hard, but she can't. All she can think about is Derek. The way that his lips felt on hers, the way his tongue demanded entrance into her mouth, the way he tasted, the way he felt, the feeling of his erection against her as she sat on his lap.

She shakes her head, trying to dislodge these thought from her mind. She can't help but think that this is going to be a long night, but she has no idea.


	11. Chapter 11

Meredith paces the floor in her room as she bites down on her thumb nail. She isn't a baby. She isn't. But scary movies, well, they scare the hell out of her. She is scared. She will admit it. What if leather face comes bursting through the door, chainsaw in hand and comes after her. She imagines it would hurt like hell to be killed by chainsaw. She sure as hell doesn't want to find out.

She knows its ridiculous. She does. But she can't help it. When she was young her friends used to call her and pretend to be Chucky, saying they were going to come and play with her in that creepy voice. They only did this because they knew that it scared the hell out of her.

So, why does she watch scary movies? It's the same reason she loves sports. The adrenaline rush. That feeling that washes over you as your pulse races and you wait in anticipation for the next moment. She is an adrenaline junkie. Adrenaline is her drug of choice. And now she is coming down. She is coming down from the initial adrenaline rush from the movie and she is scared.

Okay. So maybe some of that adrenaline is from that kiss. That kiss. That amazing kiss that left her wanting more. Left her wanting to taste more of him. Left her wanting to run her tongue over his defines muscles as he tangles his fingers in her hair. He makes her feel like never before. He turns her on and has left her wanting sex like she has never wanted it before. She had felt his erection under her as she sat on his lap and she wanted him inside of her. For the first time in her life she wanted sex. She really really wanted sex. She wants sex. She wants sex with Derek.

And now here she is, pacing back and forth between her room and the living area. She can't sleep. She can't sleep and she is scared. She is tempted to knock on his door and seek the comfort that he offers. She is tempted, but she is afraid of what will happen if she does. He already told her that he wanted her. No one had ever really wanted her before. Her only boyfriend, a guy that she thought she loved, had dumped her after she lost her virginity to him. What if Derek sleeps with her and then doesn't want her anymore? What would happen then?

She hears a noise and immediately stops pacing. Her heart is beating rapidly as she glances around the room. She is terrified. Her hands are shaking and she hugs her arms close to her body. Another loud noise sends her scurrying across the living area to Derek's door. She hesitates only a moment before knocking gently. She doesn't wait for a response before she opens the door. She pokes her head in through the opening and sees that Derek is asleep. She doesn't know what to do. She doesn't want to wake him. He has a full day of practice tomorrow and he does need his sleep. She glances around, unsure of what to do. Another noise causes Meredith to jump and her hesitation in waking Derek disappears.

Meredith (barely above a whisper): Derek!

There is a low grumble that originates from a lump on the bed but he doesn't wake up. Meredith shifts from one foot to the other. She doesn't know what to do. She can't turn back now. She is too scared to turn back. Just seeing him and being near him has alleviated some of her fear. So, she sticks her head in a little further.

Meredith (a little louder): Derek!

Derek snaps up in the bed and looks wildly around. His eyes are wide and his hair is sticking out at odd angles.

Derek (in a voice heavy with sleep): Wha?

Derek still doesn't see the source of his name as his eyes attempt to adjust to the dark room. He doesn't see her. He doesn't see her head sticking into his room, so her starts to lie back down. Meredith notices this and yells his name again.

Meredith (in a screaming whisper): Derek!

Derek jerks back up and looks at her. He looks at her but he doesn't see her. Finally, his eyes adjust.

Derek (sleepily): Meredith?

Meredith slowly pushes the door open to reveal more of her body. She steps tentatively into the room. Derek runs his hand over his face as he squints his eyes at her.

Derek: Is something wrong?

Meredith shifts from one foot to the other as she wrings her hands nervously. She bites down on her bottom lip as she glances at him.

Meredith (barely above a whisper): I'm scared.

Derek blinks once. Twice.

Derek: What?

Meredith takes another small step towards the bed. His bed. Derek's bed. He is leaning back on his elbows now, staring at her with confusion etched on his face.

Meredith (in a shaky voice): I'm scared.

Derek runs his hand over his face once again as he processes what she is saying.

Derek: Of what?

Meredith blushes slightly, but Derek doesn't see it.

Meredith (in a small voice): Leatherface.

Meredith refuses to meet Derek's scrutinizing gaze as he stares at her. He begins to chuckle softly.

Derek: Seriously?

Meredith crosses her arms over her chest and takes a defensive stance for a moment.

Meredith: No. I'm just joking. I just happen to like going into other people's rooms late at night to wake them up.

Derek shrugs.

Derek: I thought maybe you were wanting some sex.

Meredith's mouth falls slightly agape as she stares down at him. She walks over to the bed and grabs a pillow before hitting him with it. Derek grabs the pillow from her and pulls her down onto the bed.

Meredith squeaks in surprise as she lands on top of Derek. Derek chuckles at her surprise.

Derek: That wasn't very nice.

Meredith feigns innocence.

Meredith: What?

Derek: Waking me up and then hitting me with a pillow.

Derek can't help but smile as Meredith pulls herself up off of him and moves to the very edge of the bed. He leans back up on his elbows.

Derek: So, you're scared?

Meredith bites on her bottom lips as she stares at him and nods slowly. Derek smiles, but refrains from chuckling.

Derek: You're scared of leatherface?

Once again Meredith nods as she looks at him from under her lashes. Derek chuckles slightly before lifting up the covers on one side of the bed.

Derek (chuckling): Get in.

Meredith quickly crawls underneath the covers. The essence of Derek wafts into her nostrils and she closes her eyes to enjoy and memorize his scent. She can feel him lie back down next to her as she faces away from him. She is afraid to turn and look at him, but she can feel the heat radiating from his body.

Derek: Goodnight, Meredith.

Meredith: Goodnight, Derek.

**wow. Thanks for all the comments. Over 100 now. Sorry the updates have been less often...school is crazy...**

**-Marci**


	12. Chapter 12

Meredith tosses and turns. She can't sleep. She can't sleep with the throbbing ache between her legs that is only intensified as she feels each of Derek's hot breaths on her neck. He is all the way across the bed, yet it feel as if he is mere inches away. She is hot. She is cold. She is tired. She is wide awake. She is horny. She is horny.

Meredith (in a timid voice): Derek?

Derek (in a tired voice): Yeah?

Meredith: You awake?

Derek: No. I just have a tendency to answer questions in my sleep.

Meredith rolls over on her back and hits him in the shoulder.

Meredith: Ass.

Derek chuckles as he opens his eyes and meets her. Even in the dark they can see into each other's eyes.

Derek: What is it?

Meredith: I can't sleep.

Derek furrows his eyebrow.

Derek: You can't sleep?

Meredith: No.

Derek: What do you want me to do about it?

Meredith: Tell me something about yourself?

Derek props his head up on his elbow as he stares down at her. She looks back up at him.

Derek: Like what?

Meredith shrugs.

Meredith: I don't know. Anything.

Derek sighs and looks up at the ceiling as he tries to think of something to tell her.

Derek: Well, I have a big family.

Meredith arches her eyebrow as she stares up at him.

Meredith: Really?

Derek: Yeah. I have four older sisters and tons of nieces and nephews. They are all doctors, so I'm the outcast of the family. I'm also the only one who isn't married and who doesn't have kids.

Meredith: Do you want kids?

Derek smirks at her.

Derek: Why do you want to know?

Meredith crosses her arms over her chest.

Meredith: You brought it up.

Derek chuckles.

Derek: Someday.

Meredith turns onto her side and props her head up on her elbow so that her and Derek are facing each other in the same position.

Meredith: When?

Derek: When I meet the right person.

Meredith (quietly): Oh.

Derek watches her for a moment before he asks a question of his own.

Derek: What about you?

Meredith: What about me what?

Derek (chuckling breathily): Do you want kids?

Meredith: Oh…um…well…maybe? I don't know.

Derek: Why don't you know?

Meredith sighs as she falls back on her back.

Meredith: I just…I don't know…my mom…well..yeah…and so…I don't really know…I guess it will depend…I mean…Yeah…I just…

Derek chuckles.

Derek: You're rambling.

Meredith blushes slightly and Derek sees her reddened complexion by the moonlight that is streaming in the window and across her form.

Meredith: Sorry.

Derek: Don't be. I find it adorable.

Meredith suddenly finds herself flustered.

Meredith: I…uhh..

Derek chuckles.

Derek: And you being flustered? Completely adorable.

Meredith can feel Derek's hot breath brushing past her cool skin, sending chills down her spine. He is leaning over her and staring down into her eyes. Those eyes. Those amazingly blue eyes. So perfect. So enrapturing. Derek leans down a little more, slowly erasing the chasm that seems to exist between their bodies. Meredith feels her breaths grow shorter as her core temperature begins to climb. If humans could melt, she would be a pile of Meredith glob. Seriously.

Derek reaches down and runs his finger slowly along her jaw line between tracing her perfect lips with the pad of his thumb. Her hot breath on his digit makes him think about her hot breath hitting him on other places of his body.

Derek (in a husky voice): Meredith, I'm going to kiss you now.

Meredith visibly swallows before nodding consent. Derek maintains eye contact as he closes the immeasurable distance between them. Her stomach becomes ravaged by butterflies as she watches him lower his mouth to hers, a move that seems to take forever as her life in this moment is a movie being played in slow motion. Perhaps even slower than when she watched Tom Cruise in [iAll The Right Moves[/i. Completely overrated if you ask her.

Meredith's skin erupts into a fire of desire that rages on the surface before making its way into her blood, causing it to boil frantically as her breasts begin to rise and fall even quicker. Derek runs his fingers through her hair as his lips finally meet hers and they mesh into an unnamed element, something that may become fundamental to their existence. This element of Deredith exists only between them and can only be created by them and this is the moment of its first conception.

The sparks fly and their souls mingle as Derek pushes his tongue past the barrier of Meredith's lips and he delves into her dark, cavernous mouth, relishing in the taste of her mint toothpaste. Meredith arches her back as she lifts her arms and runs her fingers through his thick hair. The sensation of his thick hair running between her fingers causes the last of her inhibitions, the last of her reservations, to go flying out of the window.

She moans into Derek's mouth and can feel him smile against her lips. His hand moves from her hand and down her side. She gasps as he lightly, but expertly, runs his fingers over her breast before continuing to dance down her abdomen. Once he reaches the hem of her shirt, he moves his hand beneath the thin cotton material.

He breaks the contact with her lips, only to plant slow, calculating kisses along her jaw and down the column of her neck. Meredith feels sensations that she has never felt before. At least not while she was awake. And now. Now she feels as if she could explode. As if there is this small earthquake that is slowly building within the depths of her being. Derek. Derek is about to explore her fault line and send her into an earthquake that will shatter the world around her and that promises several strong aftershocks.

Derek moves his mouth down near to her navel and he lifts her shirt slightly, exposing her well-defined abdomen. He groans in a mixture of anticipation of the impending pleasure and the current pain of his throbbing erection. Meredith feels her hips begin to move almost as if they have a mind of their own as Derek slowly works his tongue and lips over her soft, smooth skin.

He hooks his thumbs into her boxers and underwear and begins to pull them slowly down. Meredith lifts her hips off of the bed to allow him to move faster and easier. Derek stops when he sees her glistening lips in front of him. He licks his lips as he begins to make his move.

Suddenly, Meredith gasps and bolts up straight. Derek arches an eyebrow and stares at her.

Meredith (panting from pleasure, but a hint of panic in her voice): What are you doing?

Derek: I was going to give you oral.

Meredith suddenly blushes and bites down on her bottom lip. Derek stares at her for a moment before something clicks.

Derek: Have you ever had oral before?

Meredith stares up at the ceiling before shaking her head no.

Derek: Ah…I see….well, have you ever had sex?

Meredith: Yes. Well, once.

Derek can't suppress his gasp of surprise and the shocked expression that crosses his face. He suddenly straightens up and begins to feel very uncomfortable. Meredith stares at him.

Meredith: What?

Derek sighs as he runs a hand through his hair.

Derek: Maybe this isn't such a good idea.

A hurt and pained look crosses Meredith's face. She feels humiliated. Once again she is not good enough for someone.

She quickly pulls up her panties and boxers before jumping out of the bed and running out of the room. She does all of this before Derek can stop her. He chases her out of the room as best he can with his large erection. By the time he reaches her room her door is locked. He knocks on her door for ten minutes before giving up and heading back to his room.

He collapses back on the bed which still smells of Meredith. He inhales deeply, letting the intoxicating scent fill his nostrils. He runs his hands roughly over his face.

Derek: Shit. Shit. Shit.

He sighs loudly and stares up at the ceiling, wondering how in the hell he got in this situation and exactly how he can fix it.

**So I know that you guys weren't expecting this...but patience young grasshoppers...it will happen eventually...I don't know when the next update will be...school is kicking my ass...**

**-Marci**


	13. Chapter 13

Derek wakes up the next morning immediately recalling the night before. He runs his hand over his rough face before looking at the clock. He has to be at practice soon, but he needs to talk to Meredith. He needs to explain it to her. He needs to explain to her that him wanting to wait has nothing to do with not wanting her, but everything to do with wanting her so damn much.

He rolls out of bed and walks out of his room. He doesn't bother to brush his teeth of to get dressed. He is in his boxers and his morning erection has already gone down. He just needs to see her. He needs to talk to her.

He walks out into the living area and notices that her door is open. He quickens his pace as hope appears across his face. If she was still angry with him, she would have shut her door. Wouldn't she?

The hope disappears from his face as he approaches her room and sees that it is empty. He turns back to look around the living area. That is when he sees the piece of paper lying on the coffee table.

He slowly approaches the coffee table. He can just make out her loopy writing. He bends down and picks the thin sheet of paper up off of the table.

[iDerek,

There has been a slight change in schedule. Your practice today will only be for an hour since the first game of the World Cup is tonight. There is a ticket for you to this game in an envelope on the bar if you choose to go. Also enclosed in the envelope is a small stipend for your expenses during your stay in Madrid.

I'm not sure if it was mentioned to you before, but I shall state this now. There is to be no sex nor drugs during the World Cup. They WILL perform random drug tests and your failure to pass will have severe consequences.

If you have any questions, feel free to email me or ask, although I believe I have made everything very clear. Have a good day.

-Meredith Grey[/i

Derek stares at the sheet of paper in his hands, unsure of what to make of it. One thing was clear, Meredith was returning to strictly professional behavior. If he hadn't seen her things spread throughout the room, he might have thought she had left. He didn't know where she was, but at least he knew where she would eventually be.

He sighs as he stretches his arms above his head. It is while he is doing this that he notices something lying on the floor next to the couch. He walks over and picks it up. It is a picture of a very young Meredith being held by a young woman, whom he guesses is her mother. He stares at the picture for a moment. He knows that her mother is dead. Everyone knows that her mother is dead. It was a big case back in the early nineties. He remembers being a young boy and his mother watching something about it on the television.

He hadn't even thought about the effect that might have had on Meredith. It must have been very difficult for her to grow up without a mother. He tries to recall the details of the crime. Someone had broken into their house and raped and murdered her as Meredith slept in the next room. They had caught the guy. He remembers watching Meredith's father on the television and seeing pictures of her flash across the screen, both of them looked grief stricken.

He places the picture safely back on the coffee table. Things are slowly starting to click into place, but he has the feeling that there are still a few pieces of the puzzle missing. He gets her hesitation. He gets her awkwardness and her tomboyness, not that he has a problem with these things. Actually, it is these things that turn him on the most. They make her different. They maker her his Meredith.

What he doesn't get is the thing that seems like fear whenever it comes to him. He doesn't get that. He doesn't get it now, but he plans on finding out. He plans on solving the beautifully written mystery that is Meredith Grey.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Meredith Grey walks the streets of Madrid, needing something to get her mind off of the awful events that unfolded much to her horror last night. He didn't want her. When it was all boiled down, he didn't want her. She is like a repulsion to men. She doesn't get it.

She breathes in the sweet Madrid air as she tries to hold the tears back. She will not let him make her cry. Not again. She cried enough last night. Last night after she was completely humiliated. Horrified really. How was it going to be now? Living with him is going to be hell. She just knows it. She won't even be able to look him in the eyes. His eyes. His perfect eyes.

No. She will not do this. She will not let another man bring her down. She will not be that weak woman. She will not. How does she not? How does she keep from becoming that weak woman? She doesn't know. She doesn't know but she is sure as hell going to try.

A hard look crosses her face as she turns on her heel to head back to the hotel. She will not let him do this to her. She will not let him push her around with fear. Her ex did that enough and she will not live that way again. She refuses to. She is not going to hide. She is not going to run. She is not going to avoid. She is finished being weak Meredith. It is time for her to be strong. It is time for her to take control over her own life instead of letting those around her wield the power.

She slows her pace. That is easier said than done. In an ideal world, Meredith would be strong. But this world, this world has beaten her down so much that she is happy to still be standing. She is happy to still be able to smile.

She just doesn't get it. Ever since she met him he has been undressing her with his eyes, giving her the sex eyes. She knows that he had to jack off in the airplane bathroom several times. So, what changed? What made her so repulsive to him? She just doesn't get it. Will her father be the only man to ever love her? Will she never find that one man who makes her world stop spinning on its axis?

She doesn't want to be alone. She is sick of being alone. She has been alone all of her life. Her father loves her, but her father is a busy man. And she wants to feel that other kind of love. The love that a person has for their soul mate. The kind of love that causes your pulse to increase rapidly when you see them, hear them, or even pick up a hint of the scent. She wants to feel that love that makes you feel as if you are on cloud nine. She wants to feel that. She thought she had that. She thought she had that until her boyfriend basically forced her to have sex and then dumped her.

Then again, that's her life. Everyone leaves Meredith eventually. Her mother died. Her boyfriend left her. Her father was there but not really. So, who does she have? She doesn't really have many friends. She has a problem with people only wanting to befriend her because of her money. She refuses to buy her friends. She would rather be alone than surrounded by people who suck the life force out of her.

But she thought he was different. She thought that he was different from all of those who preceded him. She saw a depth and sincerity in his eyes that scares the shit out of her. It scares the shit out of her because she already feels like she can trust him. Her. The girl who has never trusted anyone. Why would she? It turned out that the man who killed and raped her mother was the best friend of her father, so why would she trust people?

What really scares her more than anything else, she wanted to trust Derek. She wanted him to be that person for her. That person who saved her from the bay that she seemed to be constantly falling into. She is getting tired of treading water and she wanted him to be that person to jump in and rescue her from the depths. She doesn't realize that she wanted this from him, but she did. She saw hope for herself in his caring eyes. She saw a knight in shining armor dressed in a Galaxy uniform.

Meredith Grey saw the prospect of true happiness for the first time since before her mother was brutally raped and murdered and in a split second that prospect came crashing down. In his refusal to accept her as she was, her hope dissipated and all that remains now is complete despair.

If he couldn't accept something as mundane of sexual inexperience, how would he accept the rest of her vast collection of carry on? It's hopeless. It's useless. All that she can do now is hope that she doesn't tire out as the weight on her shoulder increases and the temperature of the water decreases. She is slowly dying. She is slowly sinking into the oblivion and she doesn't even know it. She is sinking into the oblivion and even if she did know it, she wouldn't care. She yearns to disappear. She yearns to escape the cruel world that has dealt her so many blows. The world continues to boob-slap her and frankly, she is tired.

**Okay...this was ready last night but I had problems posting it. This is necessary filler I guess you could say...you see why Mer is the way she is...at least some of the reason..so yeah...hope you like...**

**Thanks Bonnie for the message and thank you all for you great comments. **

**-Marci**


	14. Chapter 14

**Once again...the poems are mine...**

Meredith looks around the empty hotel room. Derek is at practice. Derek will be at practice for a little while longer. That gives her time. That gives her enough time. She walks towards her en suite bathroom. A bathroom that is covered in white marble and stainless steel. Clean. Cold. Perfect.

Meredith sits down on the toilet and rests her left arm against her leg, wrist facing up. She runs the sharp edge of the razor lightly over her finger, testing its sharpness and reveling in the sensation of the smooth, sharp metal running across her finger.

She yearns for the release. She yearns for the comfort of physical pain. She years to turn her emotional pain into something physical. Something she can diagnose. Something she can see. Something that can heal. She wants to see her blood. She wants to see her blood dripping onto the cold, hard, white tiles of the clean bathroom. She wants to see her red blood splattered on the clean white, just the way she saw her mother's blood all over the white bed spread when she discovered her cold, dead body that had been brutally murdered.

Nobody knew. Nobody knows. Nobody knows that Meredith Grey is a cutter. Nobody. One more aspect in her life in which she is alone. A part of her wants someone to find out. She wants someone to find out so that they can save her. She needs someone to save her. Nobody asked her about the bandages that have sporadically covered her arms since the time she was fourteen. Nobody knew. Nobody knows. Nobody cares.

She grips the razor blade firmly and slides it smoothly across her wrist. Slicing. Releasing. Finally breathing. The cut is perfect, almost surgical. It is diagonal so as to avoid any major damage. She doesn't want to die. She doesn't deserve to die. She deserves to suffer. She waits in anticipation for the first drops of blood to rise to the surface.

A salty tear escapes from her eye and lands on the cut, causing it to burn. The burn feels so good. The pain feels so good. It lets her know that she is alive. That her numbness, her numbness is only emotional. She finally sees the blood. The sweet, precious red blood that travels from her heart and through her arteries. Her blood. Her life.

_My tears mix with the blood that is_

_dripping from my freshly cut wrists._

_My heart is turning black as hatred_

_for myself and others fill its voids._

_My blood is emptying out of my veins_

_into pools on the floor._

_Everything around me is ugly_

_And nobody cares that I'm slowly dying._

She leans her head against the wall as the blood continues to collect in a puddle on the floor. Drip. Drip. Drip. The sounds of the dripping lull her into a daze, somewhere between dreaming and waking. Somewhere nice. Somewhere warm.

She doesn't want to stop the bleeding. She is afraid that if she stops the bleeding, she will stop the existing. She will stop the being. She will stop. She will die. She feels a certain lightness floating around her. It carries her away up into the clouds and she looks down at her pathetic form. Her pathetic, crying form.

She drops to the floor of the bathroom, a white towel clutched in her grip, ready to stop the bleeding whenever she chooses. She can stop it. She holds that power. Her. Meredith. She controls her own life. She controls the fact that right now, at this moment, her blood has turned the once stark white bathroom floor into a mess of red.

She is lying in her own blood, spreading it even more, polluting the cleanness, the purity of the bathroom. The blood stains her once immaculate clothing, but she doesn't care. It is sticky and warm as it collects around her hair follicles. Sticky. Warm. Blood. Her eyelids are heavy and she is tired. Her eyelids are heavy and she is so tired. She knows that now is the time to stop the bleeding. She knows that now is the time to apply the towel to the wound, but somehow, the wound now seems to deep, the cut too fresh.

She thought that she didn't want to die. She doesn't think that she doesn't want to die. She doesn't want to die. She just has lost the will to live. She has lost the will to fight the uphill battle that has plagued her for most of her young life.

So, Meredith Grey closes her eyes. She is still aware of her surroundings. She is still somewhat awake, but slowly dying, slowly bleeding out from the wound inflicted over a short lifetime. Slowly she is ceasing to become Meredith Grey. Slowly, Meredith Grey is fading into the shadow that she felt like she became the morning that she found her mother dead. Slowly, Meredith Grey is dying as she waits for someone to save her.

_Blood stained sheets surround me._

_No one cares._

_I am alone._

_Just like I always have been._

_No one cares._

_I don't know how much longer I can continue._

_No one cares._

_I'm sorry._

_No one cares._

_I'm just so tired._

_No one cares._

_I can't fight for something as useless as my life anymore._

_And no one cares. _

**Sorry to add all the drama...but you will see that it has a purpose...thanks for all of your reviews...**

**-Marci**


	15. Chapter 15

Derek runs his hand through his hair as he leans back against the elevator wall. He is almost to his floor, their floor. Practice was good. It wasn't too intense because their first game is tomorrow. He really wants to go to the match tonight, he is just hoping that Meredith will go with him.

He sighs as he pushes himself off of the wall and exits the elevator. He doesn't know if she will be back yet. He hopes she is back. He needs to talk to her. He needs to explain. He needs to. He inserts his keycard into the lock and waits a second as the light turns from red to green. His heart is racing. He is nervous, but he has no idea why. Maybe it is because he is about to confess to someone that he has known little more than a week that he is afraid he might be falling for her. Wait. Not might. Is. He is falling for her. He is falling for her so quick and so fast that it scares the shit out of him.

He inhales deeply as he pushes the suddenly very heavy door open. He quickly glances around the clean, empty room. He doesn't see her. He steps into the room and that is when he sees it. Her purse and her keycard are lying on the bar. She's here. He can talk to her. He needs to talk to her.

He walks through the small kitchen area but doesn't see her. He notices that her bedroom door is open. Should he go in? He doesn't want to intrude. He doesn't want her to feel violated. She doesn't deserve to feel violated. But he is afraid that if he announces himself she will instantly shut him out. If she shuts him out again he doesn't know if he will ever get back in. And he really wants in.

With these thoughts in mind, Derek takes the few steps towards her bedroom. He steps inside the darkened room but doesn't see her. That is when he sees it. The bathroom door is cracked open and there is a light emitting from the crack. She is in the bathroom. He walks towards the bathroom and stands next to the door, listening for any indication that she is not naked.

That is when he hears it. A moan. A low, almost inaudible moan that belies a tortured soul. A moan that tears at his heartstrings. He doesn't care. He doesn't care if she is naked. He needs to take away her pain. He needs to take away her torture. He needs to save her.

He places his hand on the bathroom door, pausing a moment. He forgets to breathe as he waits in anticipation, the tension and nerves only building with each tick of the clock. The smooth wood of the door is cold under his sweaty palms. Why are his palms so sweaty? He never used to get nervous before. Not over a girl. But then it hits him. Meredith isn't just a girl. Meredith isn't just a woman. She is the woman. She might be it for it. She. No. He can't think like this. Not yet. Not now. Now he needs to talk to her.

He finally applies some force to the door, which immediately gives way. He looks around the bathroom but doesn't see her. Where in the hell? That is when he looks down. He looks down and he can't help but gasp audibly. Lying on the floor surrounded by and covered in blood is none other than his Meredith. He can't help but think of just how much she looks like a rag doll, a toy bent, and broken and discarded haphazardly on the floor.

He immediately steps into the bathroom and it kneeling down next to her in a matter of moments. She finally hears him as he kneels down and her eyes jerk open and her blood shot green eyes meet his cloudy blues. When he finally speaks his voice is broken.

Derek: Mer…oh God…Mer…

Meredith looks down and realizes the mess and the fact that her cut is still openly bleeding. She didn't mean to let it get this bad. She just got caught up. She just got caught up in the high that is cutting. Her painkiller. Her emotional painkiller.

Before she can grab the towel, Derek is pressing it on her bleeding wrist. He is frantically trying to stop the bleeding. He looks down at her other hand and sees the straight razor still gripped in her other hand. He reaches out and pries it from her grip. He places the bloody piece of sharp metal on the edge of the counter.

Derek: Mer? What…are you…I..

Meredith: I'm fine.

Derek: Fine? You're fine? You are covered in blood. Did you…were you trying to kill yourself?

Meredith jerks back, but Derek maintains his firm grip on her arm as he hold the towel in place.

Meredith: What?

Derek (in a concerned voice): Were you trying to kill yourself?

Meredith shakes her head.

Meredith: No…No…I wasn't…I…oh God…

He notices Meredith's eyes dart around as they take in the extent of her blood loss. He reaches up and brushes her hair out of her face before leaning in and placing a gently kiss on her forehead. She doesn't pull away. She doesn't fight his strength. A part of her feels relief. A part of her feels relief at the fact that this is no longer her secret. She has someone to share it with. And that, that lets her know that she isn't alone.

Derek: How long?

Meredith: What?

Derek: How long have you been a cutter?

Meredith opens her mouth only to close it again. This is it. This is the moment of truth. He will probably think her crazy, but she doesn't want to lie to him. She stares down at the floor as she answers.

Meredith: Since I was fourteen.

Derek gasps.

Derek: Oh, Mer…

His heart is breaking. His heart is breaking for the amazing woman sitting in front of him. All of the pain, all of the suffering that she must have gone through in her life. He wonders. He wonders if anyone else knows. He wonders if she has ever had anyone be there for her. Her fragile, broken voice cuts through his thoughts.

Meredith: You are the first and only person who knows.

Derek feels his heart swell and he bends down and envelops her tiny frame in his arms. She leans into his touch and allows his warmth to relieve some of the coldness that she has been feeling. A coldness that she has been feeling for so long.

When he releases her he stares at her for a moment before reaching under the cabinet and grabbing the first aid kit. He removes the towel from her wrist and notices that the bleeding has slowed down. He stands up and wets a cloth before cleaning the area of the wound. He looks up into her eyes before doing anything else.

Derek: I'm going to wrap your wrist and then we are going to get you cleaned up and changed. After that, you and I are going to sit down and talk.

Meredith looks up at him.

Meredith: I can take care of myself.

Derek tilts his head to the side and smiles at her.

Derek: I know you can, but I think that you have been taking care of yourself for far too long. Now, now I am going to take care of you.

Meredith opens her mouth to speak, but no words are able to escape. She simply nods as the tears begin to build in her eyes. Derek reaches up and brushes away a tear that manages to escape.

Meredith: Thank you.

Derek just smiles at her as he begins to take care of Meredith. He can't help but think how he could get used to taking care of her. He also can't help but thinking about how broken this amazing woman is. No matter what, he knows that he is going to be there. He is going to be there for her.

**I couldn't leave you guys hanging...I was always planning to update again as soon as possible..Hope you guys liked...Oh..and Mer never wanted to committ suicide...i can elaborate if you want...but that is important to note...she was not suicidal...there is a big difference.**


	16. Chapter 16

Meredith fidgets with the stark white gauze that now surrounds her wrist, covering a wound that she knows is there. Derek is being so great. For a moment she was scared. She was afraid that he would look at her different. That he would show her sympathy or that he would think her crazy. She didn't want those things. The only thing that she wants is to not be alone. To not be alone in this struggle.

Meredith looks down at Derek from her perch on the toilet as he cleans up her red blood from the white floor. He stills his movement when he feels her eyes on him and looks up at her. He smiles an encouraging smile at her before crawling towards her on his knees. He places his hands on her knees. She attempts to smile at him, but her smile is broken, like everything else in her life. Maybe this man before her will be the one to put her back together. To finally put her back together. She has been broken for so long. She has been empty for so long. She has been alone for so long.

Derek reaches up and brushes a strand of hair out of her eyes, allowing his thumb to caress her cheek lightly as he brings it to rest under her chin, effectively forcing her to look at him.

Derek: We will get through this. Okay?

Meredith bites down on her lip and stares at him from under her lashes. She grips her left wrist in her right hand.

Derek: Mer, I'm here, okay?

Meredith just nods, unable to find her voice at the moment. Will he understand? Will he understand the motivation behind each cut? Will he understand her inability to stop? Will he understand?

Meredith reverts her gaze to the white gauze as Derek gently squeezes her knee before returning to his task of cleaning up her blood. Her stare is intent as she watches. As she waits. She waits for the white gauze to become tainted by her red blood. Cutting isn't the answer. She knows that. It isn't the solution to her plethora of problems. It is a coping mechanism. It is something that allows her to deal with a pain. A pain that is physical, a pain that she can see, a pain that she can fix.

She has tried to stop numerous times. She has tried to stop traveling down the path of self-destruction she is currently on. She has tried but she has failed. She knows now that she can't do it alone. She can't do it without having someone to talk to, without having someone to call when the urge hits her.

She knows that if cutting was the solution to the problem, her problems would have been solved long ago. She wouldn't still be cutting six years after that first fateful cut. She isn't exactly sure when the mechanism that was supposed to allow her take control of her life took control over her.

Her stomach growls loudly and she quickly places her hand on her stomach. She hears Derek chuckles as he stands to his feet, the reminder of her last cut removed from the bathroom floor. Derek is smiling at her. He isn't treating her as if she is diseased. He is treating her, well, he is treating her like a normal person. Normal. She barely remembers what normal is like. Her last memory of normal is watching a movie with her mother and painting her nails as they discussed the many great qualities of George Clooney. That was also the last night that she saw her mother alive.

Derek's voice cuts through her thoughts. Just his voice causes her comfort.

Derek: Hungry?

Meredith looks up into his eyes. He isn't judging her. He isn't treating her like a wounded animal. There is this look in his eyes, a look that she can't quit place. A look that warms her up just a little. She can also see the concern and the worry that is currently causing his forehead to wrinkle as he stares at her. He is trying to hide his concern. He doesn't want her to feel helpless. He doesn't want to make her feel weak.

Meredith attempts to smile, but this time the smile is a little less broken.

Meredith: Starving.

Derek reaches out his hand to her. At first she reaches out with her left hand, but yanks it back as the white gauze invades her peripheral vision. Derek sighs as he bends down so that he is eye level with Meredith.

Derek: Meredith?

Meredith looks at him and he can see the vulnerability in her eyes. He reaches out for her wrist. She jerks away yet again.

Derek: I'm not going to hurt you, Mer. I would never hurt you.

Meredith feels the tears building in her eyes as she stretches out her arm. Derek gently runs his fingers over the bandage before leaning down and placing a soft kiss on the gauze. He looks back up at her and she can see the tears in his eyes.

Derek: I want to be there for you, Mer. I want you to know that you can come to me. Will you let me be there for you?

Meredith looks at him for a moment. She wants to let him be there. She does. She really does. He could save her. He could save her from herself. He could save her from the razor blade that has become her drug of choice. He could save her, but will she let him?

**Okay...I want to make something clear...i am in no way advocating cutting...if anything I am trying to show how it isn't the solution. This is a very personal issue for me as it was something that I suffered from. I was recently banned from a message board because I refused to edit the story and I was upset that they wanted to move the story into a dark and twisted section. I stand by my writing. This is very personal issue, like I said, and I am more than willing to discuss this issue with anyone who has any questions. Sorry to have this little...whatever...but I was rather upset yesterday because of everything. Sorry this update is so short, but I really needed to say this. Hope you all have a great weekend. **

**-Marci **


	17. Chapter 17

Derek watches as Meredith opens her mouth and takes a huge bite of her bacon cheeseburger. He can't help but chuckle.

Meredith (with a full mouth): Wha?

Derek: I'm just amazed at how such a tiny person like you can eat so much.

Meredith arches her eyebrow at him before smirking.

Meredith: You would be surprised just how much a small person like me can handle.

They both burst out into laughter, a sound that he is relieved to hear escaping from her. His eyes keep locking on the white gauze on her wrists that invades his sight each time she brings the burger to her mouth. He just doesn't understand how someone could hurt her so much that she would do this to herself. He doesn't fully understand why she would do this. He doesn't understand but he wants to.

He knows a little about it because one of his older sisters is a psychiatrist and she is always talking about random cases, never going into too much detail of course.

He watches as she reaches over and grabs a fry off of his plate. She smiles at him and he feels his heart melt a little more. He doesn't want to ruin their good time, but maybe this talk will be better if it is casual. Maybe she will feel more comfortable. The last thing that he wants is for her to feel uncomfortable. So, he clears his throat before he begins to speak. She looks up at him and their eyes lock.

She knows what is about to happen. She feels scared. Frightened even. She is about to reveal more about herself than she has ever revealed to anyone. She is about to become the most vulnerable she has ever been, even more so than when her virginity was taken from her. He is about to learn about her weaknesses. He is about to learn the bad. His voice cuts through her thoughts.

Derek (watching her intently): So, you said you've been cutting for about six years?

Meredith stops her movements with fry in midair. She looks at him and makes a decision. There is no turning back. This is it. She is jumping off of the high dive and she really hopes that the pool is full of water.

Meredith: Yeah.

Derek: Why did you start?

Meredith looks down when she speaks, afraid to meet his eyes in case they are judging her.

Meredith: I was in puberty. I had no mom to talk to me about boys, I didn't have anyone to show me how to use a tampon, I had no one to explain to me why my body was changing. I had no one. I had no one and it just became too much. The pain. The emotional pain became too much.

Derek can see the pain etched across her features as she recalls the past.

Derek: What about your father?

Meredith sighs as she leans back.

Meredith: He really loved my mom. He blamed himself for her death, so he withdrew from everyone for a very long time. He delved himself into his work. He lost himself when he lost my mom. I blamed myself for her death as well, so I didn't push him.

Derek: Why did you blame yourself?

Derek figures it is better to ask her questions and just let her talk. He figures these are things that she has been holding in for so long, she really just needs to let them out. He notices that she is starting to tear up.

Meredith: I was there. I was in the next room. I was in the next room while she was brutally raped and murdered and I slept. I slept when I should have saved her. I should have helped her. Maybe…if I hadn't been asleep…maybe I could have…maybe she would be…maybe…

Meredith breaks down into sobs that wrack her frame and Derek is immediately by her side and enveloping her in his arms. She clings to his shirt as if she is clinging for dear life. He runs his hand up and down her back as he speaks calming words softly into her ear.

Derek: Shh…it's okay, Mer…I'm here…let it out…just let it all out…I'm here…I've got you…I've got you and I'm not letting go…

He holds her in his arms for endless moments that drag on as he watches her cry out so many years of restrained pain. With her final sob also escapes a sigh of relief and she looks up at him.

Meredith (hiccupping): I'm sorry.

Derek reaches down and wipes away the remainder of her tears. He cups her cheek in the palm of his hand and she leans into his comforting touch.

Derek: Look at me.

Meredith looks into his eyes and notices for the first time that they are glossed over with unshed tears.

Derek: You do not say your sorry for that. I should be thanking you. So, thank you. Thank you for letting me in. Thank you for letting me be there.

Meredith just nods before she leans in and hugs Derek. It is a hug that he can tell she needs as she hugs him tightly. She finally releases him and leans back.

Meredith: Can we move to the couch? This chair is making my ass fall asleep.

Derek chuckles and stands up, reaching out for her hand as he does so. She stares at his hand for a moment before placing hers in his.

They reach the couch and Meredith plops down on the end opposite of Derek. She leans back against the arm of the couch so that she is facing him and her feet are planted in the middle of the couch.

Derek: So…

Meredith: So….

Derek: Tell me about the first time.

Meredith sighs and closes her eyes, the images from that day playing on the back of her eyelids lack a movie being projected onto the screen.

_Meredith had a bad day. No. Meredith had had a bad four years. Everything had continued to go downhill ever since the morning when she found her mother's cold, dead body. But today. Today she wanted to fall. Today she wanted to start falling and never stop. The pain. The pain was just so much. She couldn't sleep at night without the images of her mother's dead body. Sometimes her mother's dead body opened its eyes and asked her why she didn't save her. That is what had happened today._

_Meredith was in her math class. She hated math class. The teacher was a dumbass who loved to pick on her. She hadn't slept well the night before. She hadn't slept well for four years now. She doesn't know how it happened, but somehow she had fallen asleep. She had fallen asleep and had had a nightmare. A nightmare in which she had to be shaken awake from because she was screaming at the top of her lungs. Everyone looked at her. Everyone stared at her. They looked at her like she was a complete freak._

_She couldn't take it anymore. It hurt too much. It hurt too much to keep it all in. It hurt so damn much and she couldn't do anything about it. She had fled from school and taken the bus home, not being able to stand the stares any longer. Once home she had gone into the bathroom. She didn't know when the idea first occurred to her. But now she knew. No. She hoped. She hoped that the physical pain would dampen the intensity of the emotional pain. She hoped that being able to see the pain, being able to have control over the pain, being able to stop the pain, would help. She needed it to stop hurting so bad. It hurt so much that she was starting to grow numb from the constant bombardment of pain._

_Numbness. A numbness that made her feel cold and dead, like her mother. Her mother who was probably rotting under the ground now. Rotting because her inadequate daughter was incapable of saving her._

_She needed a release. She needed a momentary release. A chance to breathe. A chance to escape. She needed a chance to finally feel control again. Her body was changing without her permission. Her emotional pain was never fleeing and she needed to wield some control._

_She walked into her father's bathroom. He wasn't home. He was never home. She reached into his medicine cabinet and grabbed one of his straight razors. He was an old fashioned man so he still liked to use them. He would never miss it. He never noticed anything anymore. Especially her._

_She then walked back into her own bathroom and sat down on the toilet, something that became a tradition with her cutting. She feel the cold steel in her hands. A steel that was going to give her relief, a steel that was going to give her gratification, a steel that was going to give her release._

_She gripped the razor blade firmly in her hands. She ran it over her skin, softly at first, not hard enough to make a cut, almost as if she was testing the waters. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Deep down she knew that there was no turning back after this. Once it was done, it was done. She weighed her options and decided that this was the only one. She needed this. She needed this now._

_She moves the razor blade across her skin once again, this time pressing down hard and slicing the skin. She winced in pain for a moment before her new drug began to take affect. She looked down and watched the skin open, almost as if each side was repelled against the other. That is when the blood appeared. The sweet blood. Bright red blood. Bright red blood that let her know that she was alive. Bright red blood that returned her from the state of emotional numbness to physical pain._

_She watched each drop of blood fall from her wrist to the floor as her eyelids began to grow heavier. She felt…high. She felt like something had been released. Something that had been pushing from the inside out. Something that had been bottled up with increasing internal pressure. She felt…better._

Meredith: So, that's how it started.

Derek: How long did that feeling last?

Meredith shrugs as she looks at him. She leans further back and pushes her feet forward slightly. They brush against Derek's legs and she quickly pulls them back up. Derek chuckles before reaching out and grabbing her feet and placing them in his lap.

Meredith: Maybe a day or two.

Derek: Then what did you do?

Derek begins to massage her feet. He wants her to feel relaxed. He wants her to feel comfortable.

Meredith: I would let it build up again. I didn't immediately resort to cutting. In fact, there was probably two or three months before the next cut. But after that, after that they became more frequent.

Derek: Did it help?

Meredith sighs.

Meredith: It helped in the moment. It's like giving someone a pill that only lasts for about an hour a day when their pain is twenty-four hours a day.

Derek: Why didn't you stop?

Meredith: I couldn't. I tried. I tried but I couldn't. I just….I wasn't…I'm not…strong enough.

Derek: Do you want to stop?

Meredith's eyes tear up once again as she looks at him.

Meredith: I don't know how.

Derek stops rubbing her feet and stares at her. He looks at her intently. He knows that she needs to ask. She needs to ask for help in order for this to work. He knows that. He knows that she needs to want help enough to ask for it.

Meredith (in a strangled voice): Will you help me?

**So..I hope that you all better understand Meredith and know that it was extremely difficult for her to ask Derek for help. I hope that it is also clear that I am NOT advocating cutting in any way, but am showing the destructiveness of it. I also wanted to let you all know how much I appreciate your support. It really has meant a lot to me and has encouraged me to keep writing when I questioned whether or not I would. So, I want to thank you all. I hope you enjoyed the update and know that I update every chance I get. It may be a week before I am able to update again because of school, but I will try. **

**-Marci**


	18. Chapter 18

_Meredith (in a strangled voice): Will you help me?_

Derek stares at the petite blonde who now has tears streaming down her face. She looks so vulnerable. He reaches forward and grabs her arms, pulling her into his lap. He wraps his arms around her tiny body as she sobs into his chest, her tears soaking through his shirt, but he doesn't care.

Derek: Of course I will help you.

Meredith remains enveloped in Derek's arms for another thirty minutes before she lifts her head up and looks at him. She can see that he cares.

Meredith: I'm okay.

Derek reaches up and wipes away the remnant of her tears as he smiles at her.

Derek: You're okay.

Meredith nods as she climbs off of Derek's lap and moves back to her side of the couch. She stares at him and he returns her gaze. Meredith inhales deeply, a shudder rippling through her body. He looks at her concerned.

Derek: Are you alright?

Meredith smiles at him.

Meredith: I'm good.

Derek smiles back at her.

Derek: Good.

He runs his palms along his legs, trying to think about what to say next.

Meredith: Are you going to the game?

Derek looks at her. He had forgotten about that. Derek studies her for a minute.

Derek: Are you?

Meredith opens her mouth and closes it again. She stares at him. Their proximity hasn't been about sex so far, but she can feel the tension start to rise yet again. He grabs her feet and places them in his lap and begins to rub them.

Meredith forgets all about the question that hangs in the air. All that she can think about is the way his strong fingers are working the muscles in her feet. His touch is soft, yet hard at the same time. He runs his thumb along the bottom of her foot, eliciting a giggle from her as she squirms. He chuckles and looks up at her, her giggle warming his heart.

Derek: Ticklish?

Meredith: No.

Derek arches his eyebrow as he stares at her. A smirk crossing his face.

Derek: Oh really?

Before Meredith can respond, Derek is assaulting the bottoms of her feet and she is struggling to breathe through the torrent of giggles that are racking her tiny frame. She begins to hit him on the chest.

Meredith (between giggles): Der..Stop it!! Please!...Derek…

Derek (chuckling): Not until you admit that you're ticklish.

Meredith (gasping): But..I'm..not..

Derek increases the intensity of his attack causing her to squirm underneath him even more.

Meredith: OKAY! OKAY!!..I"m ticklish…

Derek chuckles as he ceases tickling. Meredith is resting underneath him, panting as she struggles to regain her breath.

Meredith: That…was…not fair.

Derek smirks as he looks down at her.

Derek: All's fair in..

Derek stops as he realizes what he is about to say. She looks up at him with eyes full of questions. Derek clears his throat.

Derek: You never said we had to play fair.

Meredith's giggles trail off into silence as they get lost in each other's eyes. He is so tempted by her perfect lips. He can't. Not right now. She is too vulnerable. He doesn't want to take advantage. Even if he doesn't want to take advantage, his body want to take advantage and he can feel his desire growing.

He clears his throat and sits up before she notices his growing erection. She looks at him with a confused look on her face.

Meredith: Are you okay?

Derek: Yeah. I'm fine.

His flushed appearance betrays his declaration of fine, but she doesn't say anything. She is more than a little confused by Derek's demeanor. Derek sighs and runs his hand through his hair before turning and facing Meredith.

Derek: We need to talk.

Meredith stares at him for a moment, her mouth slightly open.

Meredith: Okay…

Derek stands up and begins to pace the room as he runs his hand through his hair numerous times.

Derek: It's just that you…well…you are kind of great. Amazing really. But I'm…well…I'm not so great. And you deserve someone who is great.

Meredith stands up and walks towards him. She grabs his arms to still his motions. She looks up into his eyes.

Meredith: What are you talking about?

Derek sighs as he finds comfort in her seas of green.

Derek: You…You are so amazing and I don't want to take advantage of you. You don't deserve to be taken advantage of.

Something clicks in Meredith's mind.

Meredith: Is that what last night was about?

Derek smiles weakly at her.

Derek: I don't want it to be just about sex with you, Mer. I care about you. I hardly know you and I care about you. I didn't mean to hurt you last night. I was just…

Meredith arches her eyebrow as she stares up at him.

Meredith: Shocked?

Derek chuckles.

Derek: Yeah.

Meredith looks down at the floor for a minute before looking back up at him.

Meredith: We could try to be friends.

Derek: Friends?

Meredith: Yeah. Friends. Get to know each other and see where it goes from there.

Derek smiles at her.

Derek: Okay. So, would a friend be interested in going with another friend to the soccer match later?

Meredith giggles.

Meredith: I think a friend would be interested.

Derek: Can said friend be ready by 5?

Meredith: I think she can manage.

Derek chuckles before leaning in and kissing her on the forehead. He looks into her eyes.

Derek: See you in a couple of hours.

Meredith smiles up at him, her skin still tingling from his soft kiss.

Meredith: See you.

Meredith turns and starts to walk towards her room. Derek's voice stops her.

Derek: Hey, Mer?

Meredith turns around to face him again.

Meredith: Yeah?

Derek: If you need anything, anything at all, don't hesitate to ask. Okay?

Meredith smiles at him.

Meredith: Thanks, Derek.

Derek smiles back at her.

Derek: It's what friends are for.

They both turn and walk to their own rooms. They are both excited to be friends, but neither one realizes how brief their friendship will be.

**Sorry this took so long. I'm not very happy with this update...in my defense...I had a small migraine when I wrote it..lol...let me know what you think...and I will try to update again soon...but I make no promises...school is kicking my ass.**

**-Marci**


	19. Chapter 19

Meredith wipes the steam off of the bathroom mirror. She stares at her reflection. She doesn't like what she sees. She looks broken. She doesn't want to be broken anymore. She feels the urge to break the glass with her hand. She wants the mirror to be as broken as she is. She wants to use those shards of glass to cut her wrist. To bleed. To live.

She doesn't know why she feels this urge. Usually it takes longer. Usually the relief lasts longer than a couple of hours, but her skin is itching. Her skin is begging for her to scratch it with the smooth, sharp edge of the razor.

She pulls her bag out from under the sink and looks in the side pocket. She reaches in and grabs the box of razor blades. She sits them down on the counter before pulling out an individual blade. She always uses a fresh blade. A fresh blade for a fresh cut. A fresh blade for a fresh wound. A fresh blade for a breath of fresh air.

She runs her finger along the sharp edge, chills traveling down her spine in anticipation. She shouldn't be doing this. Why is she doing? What is driving her to make this cut? What is driving her for this ever decreasing moment of release?

The tears trail down her face as she stares at the razor blade. The razor blade that has been her only friend for so many years. But it hasn't been. It hasn't been her friend. It has enabled her gradual self-destruction. It has left her scarred. It has left her broken. It has left her alone.

A sob wracks her frail body, clad only in a towel with her still dripping hair falling over her shoulders. She asked him for help. Just over an hour ago she asked him for help and now she is sitting here staring at a razor blade, her last cut not even scabbed over. The bandage still present to remind her of her latest failure.

She doesn't know where it comes from. She doesn't know what prompts it. She just knows that it escapes. It escapes her mouth in a desperate cry.

Meredith: DEREK!

She is yelling for him. She is asking him for help. And now she is scared. What if he doesn't show up? What if he doesn't really care? What if he can't help her?

She can hear his feet running towards her, but her eyes remain fixed on the razor blade. The razor blade that is positioned for the first cut. She can feel the cold metal against her skin and it feels so good. She inhales deeply as she closes her eyes, pressing down a little harder on the blade. She is hoping that he shows. She is hoping that he shows and stops her. She wants to be stopped. She needs to be stopped.

His footsteps grow louder as he approaches the bathroom. The pounding in her head increases with the pounding of his footsteps. Cut. Release. Breathe. Pain. Hurt. Anger. Not enough. Not good enough. Never good enough. Each though seems to accompany the beat produced by Derek's falling feet.

Derek: Mer?

His voice comes from the other side of the bathroom door. She can't find her voice. He sounds so scared. She is so scared. He came. He showed. But can he help her? Is she beyond helping?

A sob escapes and that is all the prompting that he needs. He pushes the bathroom door open and she finally raises her eyes to meet his. Her eyes are so vulnerable as he takes in her appearance. He immediately rushes to her and kneels down in front of her. He reaches up and brushes her wet hair out of her face.

Derek: Mer?

The tears flow freely down her face as she looks into his bright blue eyes, full of concern.

Meredith: I….I…

Derek looks down at her wrist and he sees the positioned razor. He reaches his hand out.

Derek: Give me the razor, Mer.

Meredith looks down at the razor in her hand. She can't let it go. She can't. She needs him to take it away from her. She needs him to stop her. She needs him to stop her because she can't stop herself.

Meredith: I…I…can't…

Derek nods at her. He understands what she needs him to do. He reaches out and pries the razor from her grasp. Meredith's knuckles are white from gripping the razor so hard. Derek places the blade on the counter before taking Meredith's hands in his own.

Derek: Meredith?

Meredith continues to look at the floor, so Derek places his thumb under her chin and forces her to look into his eyes. The tears continue to trickle down her face.

Meredith: You….you…you came…

Derek tilts his head to the side and smiles at her.

Derek: Of course I came. From now on, you can expect that I will show up. I will always show up.

Meredith leans her forehead against Derek's as she inhales deeply.

Meredith: Promise?

Derek runs his fingers through Meredith's tangled wet hair.

Derek: I promise to always try my hardest.

Meredith nods against his forehead.

Derek: Now, are you going to tell me why you felt the need to cut yourself again?

Meredith begins to sob as her forehead moves from Derek's forehead to his shoulder. Her hot tears dampen his shirt as he runs his hand over her bare upper back.

Meredith: I….I…don't know…I…oh God…what is wrong with me?

Derek: Shhh…it's okay…it's okay, Mer….there is nothing wrong with you. You are amazingly perfect.

Meredith sobs harder against Derek, her tiny frame shaking. Derek brings his left arm under Meredith's knees while supporting her back with his other one and lifts her off of the toilet. She grabs a fistful of his shirt as she sobs uncontrollably and he carries her into her bedroom. He gently places Meredith down on the bed before lying down next to her. She immediately curls her body into his.

Derek: Meredith, I know that you aren't used to people being there for you. I know that you are used to having to do things on your own, but you don't have to do that anymore. I want to be there for you and by you calling for me, I'm guessing that you want me to be there for you as well.

Derek looks down at Meredith as she nods into his chest. He continues to run his large hand over the small expanse of her exposed back. They are lying so close together that their noses are almost touching.

Meredith: I've never had anyone be there for me before. I…I'm not used to it.

Derek smiles at her.

Derek: Well, you better get used to it. I will be there so much that it will probably annoy the hell out of you.

Meredith giggles as she sees sincerity in Derek's eyes. Derek feels his heart flutter at the sound of her giggles.

Derek (smiling): Now there is that giggle that I love so much.

They lie there in silence as Meredith plays with the hem of Derek's white cotton shirt. Derek can tell that something is on her mind.

Derek: What is it, Mer?

Meredith looks up at him as she bites down on her bottom lip.

Meredith: What do you mean?

Derek chuckles as he brushes a strand of hair out of her face.

Derek: I can tell that something is on your mind. Spill.

Meredith looks at him from under her lashes, nerves causing her stomach to tighten.

Meredith: Promise not to laugh?

Derek (acting offended): I would never!

Meredith giggles as she punches him lightly on the arm.

Meredith: Promise??

Derek smiles warmly.

Derek: You can tell me anything, Mer.

Meredith inhales deeply before looking back into his blue, accepting eyes.

Meredith: Why don't you want to date me?

A shocked expression crosses Derek's face.

Derek: What do you mean?

Meredith: Well, the other night, you didn't want to want to have sex with me and now we are going to try the friends thing, which I know it was my idea, but you didn't object…so I was just wondering if something was wrong with me and you didn't want to date me because of that…it's cool if there is…I just…I was just wondering…and you don't have to tell me…you know what? Nevermind…I don't want to know.

Derek chuckles as he places a finger on Meredith's lips to silence her.

Derek: I love it when you ramble.

Meredith blushes furiously before mumbling an apology.

Derek: Don't apologize. I do want to date you, Mer. I really want to date you, but I don't want to rush you. The reason that I said we should wait last night wasn't because I don't want to have sex with you, because trust me, I really do, but because I respect you enough to wait.

Meredith looks up at him, a smile tugging at her mouth.

Meredith: So, you want to date me?

Derek smiles as he laces his fingers through hers.

Derek: Meredith, would you like to accompany me to dinner and the game tonight, on a date?

Meredith giggles.

Meredith: I would love to.

Derek leans forward and places a kiss on her nose.

Derek: I will meet you at 5 then.

Meredith nods as Derek gets up from the bed. He stops at the door and turns back to her.

Derek: Don't hesitate to call if you need anything.

Meredith nods and Derek walks out of the door, only to return a moment later.

Derek: Oh, and Mer?

Meredith looks up at him with questioning eyes.

Derek: We will talk about what happened earlier later.

Meredith smiles warmly at him and nods before watching him close the door behind him. Meredith falls back on the bed and stares up at the ceiling, a large smile gracing her features. She has a date tonight. She has a date tonight and he showed. He showed. She can't believe that he showed. Meredith sighs before getting up off of the bed and beginning to get ready for what is already promising to be one of the best dates of her life.

**So...I was really sick while writing the last half of this update...so give me a little bit of a break...lol...let me know what you think..**

**-Marci**


	20. Chapter 20

Meredith looks in the mirror one more time, fluffing her hair as she does so. This isn't like her experience with the mirror earlier. She doesn't feel the self-hate that she felt. Instead, she feels the butterflies flittering around in her stomach as the anticipation builds for her date with Derek. She has never felt this way before. It is almost as if she opened her mouth wide enough her room would be filled with butterflies in a matter of moments.

She turns around and checks out her ass, wanting to look perfect for him. She is wearing a pair of fitted dark blue jeans that fit her just right and a USA soccer jersey. She figures that since they are going to a soccer game, she shouldn't dress up too much. She knows that she will be yelling and cursing just as much as the next fan and she wants to be comfortable while doing it.

She lightly sprays her lavender body spritz on her neck before quietly opening the door to her bedroom. Derek is sitting on the couch watching the television, his back to her. She has to suppress a giggle as she sees that he is wearing the exact same jersey as her. Talk about a total coincidence.

"Hey," she says as she pushes herself off of the doorframe and makes her way over to the couch.

He turns and faces her and can't help but chuckle as he sees what she is wearing.

"Hey," he responds. "It looks like we think like," he says, motioning to what she is wearing.

She giggles as she sits down next to him.

"It does appear that way," she states with a smile as she turns to face him.

He smiles warmly at her as his eyes drink her in. She looks stunning. Her face is glowing. Her lips are a shiny pink color and her sweet, flowery scent fills his nasal cavity.

"You look beautiful," he says in an awestruck voice. He is relieved that she isn't wearing hills and a dress. She is perfect. She is perfect for him. He notices her blush in embarrassment as she looks down at her hands that are folded nervously in her lap.

She looks up at him from under her lashes. He is smiling warmly at her. She inhales deeply, the scent of his soap and aftershave travels down her trachea, through her bronchi and bronchioles, before filling the many alveoli that reside in her lungs.

"Are you ready?" he asks with a smile as he finds himself drowning in her seas of green.

"Yup," she responds as she rubs her sweaty palms over her jean-clad thighs.

Derek stands up and reaches his hand out to her. She looks up at him before placing her small hand in his. He pulls her to her feet. They stand there for a moment, staring into each other's eyes. Both forgetting that they are about to go on their first date. Both ignoring the thousand of butterflies that are fluttering in each of their stomachs. Both realizing that tonight could be the first night of the rest of their lives.

He runs his thumb in circles in the center of her palm, that simple touch sending chills down her spine. Her lips part slightly and she sighs as she feels what seems like a lifetime of stress melt away.

Derek is tempted to lower his lips down onto her, to insert his tongue between her parted lips and taste her. But he doesn't. He wants to take it slow. He wants to take it slow because Meredith isn't just a fling. He knows that. He knows that she is something more. She is something more in a big way. He is already thinking about forevers when he never he thought about marriage before. He believes they have the possibility of forever to get to know each other, so he wants to take his time and learn each delicate and intricate part deliciously slow.

"We should go." His husky voice cuts through the silence heavy with a growing sexual tension. "The game starts in two hours and I want us to be able to enjoy dinner," he adds, hoping to emphasize his desire to enjoy a long meal with her.

She smiles up at him.

"What did you have in mind for dinner?" she asks while biting down on her bottom lip.

He can't help but chuckle at her innocent look that he finds incredibly sexy.

"I was thinking that we could go to that little American diner that is close to the stadium. It is quaint and personable and they have a variety of foods."

"Sounds perfect," she says as she tugs on his hand, leading him towards the door. She stops and grabs her purse before pulling him out of the front door and towards the elevator, eager to get their first date underway.

Derek chuckles as he is pulled along. They stop in front of the elevators and wait impatiently for it to arrive. He can't take it anymore, he needs for her to be closer to him. He needs to nuzzle his face in her hair. He pulls on her hand so that she is standing in front of him. She gasps at his sudden action, but can't help but smile when he pulls her body back into his and grabs her other hand so that his arms are wrapped around her. She hears him inhale deeply as he buries his face in her neck.

"What are you doing?" she asks with amusement in her voice.

"Breathing you in," he responds simply as he takes another deep breath. "You smell like some kind of flower that I can't put my finger on." His voice is full of wonder and awe.

She giggles as she leans further back into him.

"Maybe if you are good I will reveal my secret to you," she says in a playful voice.

He arches his eyebrow as he releases one of her hands only to move his hand to her hip. His thumb begins to rub circles on her hip bone as he leans his mouth close to her ear.

"What if I'm bad?" His voice is low and husky.

Before Meredith can turn around the elevator arrives. They step onto the empty elevator, maintaining their close contact. He reaches past her, giving her another whiff of his pure masculine scent, to punch in their destination.

"Well?" he asks as he waits for her answer.

Meredith giggles. "I guess I will just have to punish you then," she states in a quiet voice. She isn't used to this kind of banter. It is light and playful and perfect.

"Ooohh," Derek chuckles, amusement evident in his voice.

They settle into a comfortable silence as the elevator descends to the lobby. They don't need words. Words couldn't express the amount of comfort that each finds in the presence of the other. They separate when the doors open, both instantly feeling cold. Derek reaches out and grabs Meredith's hand, hoping to restore at least some of the previous warmth found from her proximity. Derek leads Meredith through the lobby and towards the restaurant, where he cannot wait to engage in conversation all the while getting lost in her amazing green eyes.

Derek places his hand on the small of Meredith's back as he opens the door to the restaurant for her and waits for her to cross the threshold before following. The restaurant is quiet and surprisingly sparsely populated, mainly due to the fact that few know of its existence.

Derek smiles at the waitress as she walks towards them.

"Dos?" she asks in Spanish.

Derek simply nods and they follow the waitress to a booth that is situated in the far corner of the room. Meredith slides into the seat first and Derek opts to slide in next to her instead of sitting across from her. He doesn't want to miss out on enjoying the warmth that only her body can provide him. Meredith looks up at him and smiles as his hip comes to rest next to hers, almost touching, the distance between them seeming like a thousand miles.

The waitress hands them their menus and takes their drink orders before disappearing, leaving them alone. Derek looks down at Meredith who is studying the menu intently.

"Do you know what you want?" Derek asks as he can't help but note how adorable Meredith looks when she is concentrating. Her nose is scrunched up slightly and she is biting down on her bottom lip, something which he has realized she does often.

"Hrmm…I'm thinking that cheese fries sound good," she says as she continues to peruse the menu.

"Cheese fries?" he asks her with arched brow. Every other girl he has taken out has ordered lettuce and water. He knows that she is different, but this seems too good to be true.

"And a bacon cheeseburger," she says as she closes the menu and sits it down on the table. She looks up at him expectantly.

"What about you?" she asks as she leans back, their knees touching momentarily and electricity traveling through both of their bodies at the simple, brief contact.

Derek feels his breath hitch as he tries to regain his composure from the brief encounter of their knees. He has no idea how he is going to keep from ravishing her on the table, let alone on the date.

He clears his throat as he straightens up in his seat. "That sounds good," he responds in a strained voice.

She arches her eyebrow. "Are you okay?" she asks while watching him closely, a look of worry and confusion on her face.

He turns to her and smiles warmly. "I'm great," he responds. "Couldn't be better. Perfect, you might say."

Meredith's giggles filter through the air.

"You're rambling," she states. It is not an accusation, but something that she is finding completely adorable at the moment. Actually, she would probably find anything that Derek says or does adorable.

Derek blushes slightly, which only causes Meredith to giggle more.

"It's just…that's my thing. The rambling," Meredith says with a smirk.

Derek tilts his head back and chuckles heartily as he watches her out of the corner of his eye. He leans his body into hers and nudges her slightly with his own.

"So, do you plan on copyrighting rambling? You know, since it is your thing and all," Derek remarks with a laugh in his voice.

Meredith giggles as she elbows him in the ribs.

"Ow," he says as he feigns injury and begins to rub the place where her elbow jabbed him, the tingling not from pain, but from the strong attraction that is felt between the forces that are Meredith and Derek.

"Smartass," Meredith mumbles as she scoots away from him.

He reaches out his arm and pulls her body into his, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. His scent as well as his body envelops her and drowns her in essence of Derek.

"Where do you think you are going?" Derek asks in a feigned hurt voice.

"To the other end of the seat. I'm afraid that your smartassedness will rub off on me," Meredith says in a playful tone.

"Really, now?" Derek asks as he arches his eyebrow.

Before Meredith can respond, Derek pulls her onto his lap, her knees hit the table as he does so. He wraps both of his large arms around her tiny frame and pulls her plush against him.

"What are you doing?" she asks as she is still trying to recover from the shock of his sudden action.

"Trying to rub off on you as much as possible," he respond with a smirk.

Just as Meredith opens her mouth, the waitress returns to take their orders. She wiggles off of his lap and reclaims her spot next to him as he places their orders. She can't help but feel a pang of jealousy as she notices the waitress flipping her hair flirtatiously as she clearly undresses Derek with her eyes.

After the waitress walks away, Derek turns his attention back to Meredith, but he notices that her demeanor has changed. She seems less confident. A worried expression causes his brow to furrow as he looks at her.

"What's wrong?" he asks, confusion and worry in his tone.

"Nothing," Meredith responds shrugging.

She doesn't want him to know that she felt jealousy. She doesn't even have a right to be jealous, does she? It is just their first date. They aren't dating, per say. They aren't together. They aren't exclusive. What the hell are they doing?

Derek turns his body towards her as he reaches down and grabs her hand. She immediately feels vulnerable. He makes her want to open up, but that allows for her to get hurt. She can't take getting hurt anymore. She just can't. He begins to caress her palm with his thumb as he searches her eyes.

She blushes brightly as she feels his eyes delving into her soul. She sighs, her shoulders slumping slightly with her exhalation.

"It's just…" Derek watches her expectantly. "You know what? It's stupid. It's nothing. Really. Don't worry about it," she trails off as she stares at the condensation that has begun to form on her coke.

Derek places his thumb under her chin, forcing her to look at him. His eyes are full of sincerity and concern.

"Meredith," her name on his tongue is so soft and seems so natural that it causes her heart to flutter, "it's not nothing or it wouldn't bother you. Just tell me what it is so that I can make it go away." He finishes the sentence with a smile while cocking his head to the side.

"You just have to be perfect, don't you?!" she says in slight frustration before crossing her arms over her chest in a somewhat childish reaction that causes Derek to chuckle.

"I try," he responds with a slight shrug.

He watches her for a moment. She stares at the wall.

"She was undressing you with her eyes and flirting shamelessly with you. It was like I wasn't even here. She didn't look at me. She didn't speak to me. I was infreakingvisible. And I know I shouldn't care. I know it shouldn't bother me. But it does. Okay?! It bothers me and I know it shouldn't but I can't help it. So, shut up and stop acting so smug or whatever, because even though I'm not looking at you, I can see the smirk plastered across your damn face…you…you…asshole!"

She finishes with a huff, somewhat out of breath. Derek can't hide the shocked expression on his face or the small smirk that is causing the left corner of his lip to turn upwards.

"Did you even breathe during that little rant?" he asks in a voice full of wonder with a hint of laughter.

She continues to stare at the wall, a scowl plastered on her face, clearly not finding the same amusement in her rant as he does. She can feel the table bend slightly under his weight as he leans forward on his elbow in an attempt to see her face. In response, she twists her body further away from him.

"So, you're jealous," he says in a voice full of amusement. It isn't a question, but rather a statement.

When she still fails to respond, Derek places his hand on her shoulder and turns her to face him. She refuses to look him in the eye.

"Meredith," he says softly, "look at me."

His voice is pleading and Meredith cannot deny him. She looks up into his blue orbs, the blush in her cheeks increasing slightly, but this time from sexual excitement. He runs his thumb over her jaw line as he stares at her, amazed at her vulnerability that only enhances her unique beauty.

"I didn't notice that she was flirting with me," he says in a soft voice.

Meredith tries to look away, but he stops her by cupping her cheek in his palm. She can't help but lean into his touch.

"I didn't notice that she was flirting with me because you are the only one that I see," he says in a sincere voice and she believes him.

Silence falls between them as they stare into each other's eyes, all else fading away as they truly only see the other. He slowly moves his face closer to hers, their hot breath mixing in the space that exists between them before hitting the other in the face. Derek continues to caress Meredith's jaw with his thumb as his eyes travel down to her lips that still hold their pouty stance. They are begging for him to kiss them. They are begging for him to taste them.

They are now only millimeters apart, the tension so thick and heavy that a bead of sweat forms on Derek's brow. He watches her tongue travel slowly over the course of her lips as she wets them in anticipation.

"Here is your food," a slightly irritated voice states as the waitress throws the plates down on the table with a loud clatter, causing Meredith and Derek to jump quickly apart as the awareness of their surroundings once again takes hold.

Derek clears his throat before smiling at the waitress and thanking her. He glances at Meredith who is smothering her cheese fries in ranch and he can't help but smile. As they progress through their meal making small talk, Derek can't help but think about how he can't wait to make their almost kiss into the perfect kiss with the perfect woman.

**I know this took forever...school is kicking my ass...seriously...and yeah...it is my priority...and then my birthday...but yeah...the second part of the date will be the next update and I have no idea when I will get that...but I will write it as soon as I can...hope you all enjoyed it..**

**-Marci**


	21. Chapter 21

Derek grips Meredith's hand as they wind through the rowdy crowd outside of the stadium. It is crazy. Over a hundred thousand fans, most of them drunk, kind of crazy. So much is going on around them, but the one thing that Derek can't stop thinking about it protecting the tiny blonde who currently has a death grip on his hand. He pulls on her hand, bringing her body directly next to his. He momentarily lets go of her hand only to wrap his arm around her shoulders.

"I would hate for us to get separated in this crowd," he practically yells down at her. The truth is he would find any excuse to be close to her. He wants to be close to her in so many ways.

She responds by smiling up at him as she wraps her arm around his waist. Things are going perfectly so far. She hasn't thought about the bandage on her wrist. She hasn't thought about her dead mother or her daddy issues. Derek has given her something no one else has ever given her. He has made her forget. He has made her forget the things she previously thought unforgettable. She can feel the scab beginning to form on her previously gaping wound that is her life.

They finally manage to squeeze through the crowd to the entrance gate. Derek shows their VIP tickets to the person working the window, before they make their way to their seats. They slowly make their way towards their seats, the crowd gradually thinning as they move further along.

"This is so awesome," Meredith says as they finally take their seats. She is glancing around the packed stadium. They don't get crowds like this in the States. They just don't.

"Yeah," Derek breathes, squeezing her shoulders slightly before releasing his hold on her. Now that they are safely seated he doesn't need his arm around her anymore. He doesn't need it around her anymore, except now he feels empty. He feels empty and Meredith feels cold.

She glances at Derek out of the corner of her eye and notices that he is staring straight ahead, focusing on the field. What she doesn't realize is that he is looking at her as well. She decides to leap. She decides to take a chance. She reaches across the immense chasm that seems to have developed between and laces her fingers with his. Derek immediately turns his head and his eyes meet Meredith's and he can't help but hide the smile.

"You like me," he says with a huge grin.

Meredith blushes furiously before hitting him in the arm with her free hand. Derek reaches out and grabs her wrist, stopping her movements. He pulls her closer so that their faces are only inches apart. He can see the uncertainty and insecurity in her eyes. "I like you too," he quickly says, hoping to obliterate any uncertain that remains.

She smiles coyly at him. "You do?" she inquire, looking up at him through her eyelashes.

Derek can't help but chuckle before leaning in close to her ear. "I do," he whispers huskily, his voice alone sending chills down her spine. Derek's cheek brushes Meredith's as he leans back. They stare at each other, the seconds blurring into minutes. They only look away from each other when the music begins to play and the crowd rises to their feet. This isn't where he wants to kiss her. He wants it to be intimate. He wants it to be personal. He doesn't want it to be in the midst of over 100,000 crazy soccer fans.

Meredith feels the anticipation building. The anticipation for the match. The anticipation for the rest of the date. The anticipation for the rest of their stay in their close quarters. She jumps to her feet, pulling on Derek's arm and causing him to chuckle. "Excited?" he asks with amusement in his voice.

"Yeah," she says, "I've never been to a game where there was this many fans. It's just…they all look like the little dots that you use when you play life. Makes you realize how small you are," she says in an awestruck voice. She turns to him, an amazed look on her face. "Ya know?"

He can't help but feel his breath hitch slightly in his throat as he sees the lights dance across her awestruck face. "Yeah," he manages as he stares down at her.

The game starts and Derek can't help but be mesmerized by the tiny woman next to him yelling obscenities. She is really into the game. She is really into the game and that really turns him on. She is flinching with every hit and jumping up and down with every good play. And she looks so damn hot while doing it. She is the embodiment of the perfect woman. Of [ihis[/i perfect woman.

Finally, half-time arrives and Derek finds himself placing his hand instinctively on Meredith's lower back as they sit down. Their time together is passing quickly. Too quickly. He wants time to stand still, not move faster.

"Are you having a good time?" he asks her as he moves his hand from her lower back to take possession of her hand, wanting to maintain some contact between their bodies.

She turns to him and smiles brightly. "This is by far the best date ever," she says in an excited voice.

He can't help but chuckle as he feels his heart begin to beat rapidly. "I feel the same way," he says in a slightly more serious tone. He wants her to know that he is serious. He is serious about her. She isn't just some fling. She isn't just some good fuck. She is something. She may be everything.

Derek caresses the palm of Meredith's hand with his fingers, tracing the intricate lines as he decides that he wants to learn every single detail of her body. He doesn't realize that that single touch, that his soft caresses, are creating a burning need in the depths of Meredith's abdomen that she has never felt before from such a simple touch. A touch that seems so caring. A touch that seems so intimate. A touch that seems so…them.

"This is nice," Derek mutters as he takes her hand and places it in his lap, becoming more comfortable as the seconds tick by.

She sighs as she turns and leans her body into his, relishing in the down time to get closer to him, both physically and emotionally. "Yeah, it is," she whispers into the dark night. "Tell me something, Derek," she says as she cranes her neck back to look up at him.

He smiles down at her. "What do you want to know?" he asks with a smile on his face. No one has ever taken the time to know him. Not the real him. Not the him that he knows that she wants to know.

Meredith bites down on her bottom lip before looking back up at him, her green eyes clashing with his blue. "Anything," she says in a somewhat quiet voice. "Everything," she adds after a momentary silence in a more confident voice.

He looks down at her and can't resist. She is…and he is…and he just has to. He slowly lowers his head, maintaining eye contact with her the entire time except the brief glance at her perfect lips. He is close enough to feel her hot breath lapping his face and to smell the mint from her toothpaste mixed with the food from the diner. Time that was traveling too fast just minutes ago, seems to come to a sudden halt. The thousands of people around them disappear. The commotion, the smell of stale beer and sweat, the past, the future—they all disappear into something that isn't even peripheral. It isn't even a blip on their radar.

She runs her tongue along her bottom lip, anticipating the moment of contact. Anticipating the sparks. Anticipating the sudden loss of oxygen. Anticipating the tension that threatens to erupt into a pleasure that has been denied both of them for so long.

Finally, finally after the long tantalizing moments that in reality is only a few second, his lips are on hers. His lips are on hers and they are both breathing a sigh of relief. A collective sigh of relief that quickly turns into quickened breaths. Their lips are just touching. Their moist lips are simply fused together and they are experience more pleasure from that fusion that they ever have. He enjoys it more than any orgasm he has ever experienced with another and she is left to only imagine the other delicious sensations that this man can send throughout her being.

Her breasts heave as her nipples harden beneath the confines of her bra. They yearned to be freed. They yearned to be freed only to be recaptured by his mouth. She can only imagine his soft mouth devouring her hard nipples. She reaches up and entangled her fingers in his raven locks, not caring that the other fans have become spectators to the show that they are currently performing. She wants him to delve into her mouth. She wants him to delve into her dark depths and taste her every flavor.

He can feel his jeans tighten as his arousal grows, her intoxicating scent blurring his vision and making her the only thing that he sees. Her fingers running through his hair only drives him on, opening the door to the resident animal that resides deep inside of him. She is all woman and she calls forward his most manly instincts. He wants to fuck her. He wants to fuck her right here and now. He can just imagine running his fingers along her soft, wet, feminine folds, her scent of arousal feeling his nostrils and leaving him no choice but to delve his tongue as deep into her core as possible.

She parts her lips slightly, ready to take him in. Inviting. Enticing. A small sigh escapes as she runs her tongue along his bottom lip, letting him know that she wants more. She wants more of him. She needs more of him. She has this beast that he has awakened and only he can tame it.

He takes the bait and opens his mouth. He slowly and tantalizing presses his tongue into her mouth, taking his time to savor every moment, every texture, every taste. She moans as his tongue meshes against hers. Their tongues slide across each other as their taste buds mate in an erotic dancers that only lovers as intimately connected as they can partake in. They don't need to rush. They don't need to rush because in this moment, in this moment they feel like they have forever.

The tip of his tongue dances across the roof of her mouth as she gasps in surprise, the tickling sensation sending a more demanding sensation to her heating core. His fingers dance down the column of her neck, grazing across her pounding pulse. A pulse that is pounding for him.

The demand for oxygen becomes too great. They are forced to separate and immediately their lips feel cold. Derek stares down at her wish darkened eyes. Her face and neck are flushes and her chest is heaving.

"Wow," she breathes as she struggles to regain her breath. She has never felt this. She has never felt this before and she knows that if it goes away, it won't be something that will be found again.

"Yeah. Wow," he says as he continues to stare at her. This is it. He knows in this moment that this is it. She is it. Something intrinsic is his being tells him that this is the woman made for him. He knows that they have forever, so he plans to take things slow. He plans to take things deliciously slow.

**Life is crazy. Bad crazy. School kicking my ass crazy. So, sorry this took so long. I hope it was worth the wait. I hope everyone realizes that I do have 7 fics...and yeah...it can be hard to update them all all the time. Once again, hope it was worth the wait. **

**-marci**


	22. Chapter 22

Meredith can feel the pressure from Derek's hand on her lower back. It fits perfectly into the small of her back. Like that is exactly where his hand belong. She leans into his body slightly as they walk down the crowded street, a slight breeze sending chills through her body as it comes into contact with the dewy perspiration on her forehead. It is a chilly night in Madrid, but the crowds that surround them are producing so much body heat that they both find themselves sweating. At least they both claim that it is from crowds. It has nothing to do with the fact that they shared a searing kiss before the game began or the fact that a bolt of electricity seems to originate at each point of contact made between their skin. No. It is the crowds.

Derek leans down next to her, his hot breath caressing her ear before his words do so. "I was thinking that we could go back to the hotel for the rest of the evening…" he says loud enough for her to hear.

Meredith stops in her tracks and stares up at him, wondering exactly what he has in mind. He feels her stop and immediately turns to face her, a questioning look wrinkling his brow. He grips her elbow in his arm and pulls her closer to him. "What's wrong?" he yells over the chaos surrounding the still pair.

Meredith arches her eyebrow as she stares into his blue eyes. "What exactly did you have in mind for when we get back to the hotel room?" she asks in a somewhat saucy voice.

He swears that he can see a twinkle in her eye as she stares up at him. He smirks down at her before bringing his lips down near to hers. Near enough to feel the essence of his lips, but not the lips themselves. "Meredith," he says in a soft voice that causes her to squeeze her legs tightly together in an effort to quell the storm that threatens to rage there, "I'm not going to have sex with you tonight."

A hurt look spreads across her face as she attempts to yank free from his grasp. He tightens his grip on her elbow before gripping her chin between his thumb and forefinger and forcing her to look him in the eye. "I'm not going to have sex with you tonight. I don't want to have sex with you," she attempts to jerk away again, but his grip remains firm. "I want to make love to you," he whispers in a soft voice filled with passion.

Derek releases his grip on her chin, running his thumb along her jutting jaw line. Tears build in her green eyes as she stares into his, his words so fresh and new to her. He leans forward and presses his lips against her forehead, tasting the salty remnants of sweat. He pulls back and looks into her eyes once again. "I want to get to know you. I want to know everything about you. The good. The bad. The ugly. The beautiful. I want to be the one to cause you to laugh through your tears. I want to be woken in the middle of the night because you are scared and find that safety in my arms. I want to be able to look deep into your eyes and see your soul. I want to whisper I love you in your ear as we both tumble over the precipice together," he says with a smile and tilt of the head.

He reaches up and brushes a stray strand of hair out of her face. "So no, Meredith, I don't want to have sex with you. Not tonight. Tonight. Tonight I want to spend time with you. Tonight I want to spend time with you so that later we can have a lifetime of making love," he finishes with the tears in his eyes mirroring those in Meredith's.

She is rendered speechless. She doesn't know how to respond to his dreamy speech. So, she does the only thing that she can think of. She lifts her hand to his face, cupping his cheek. He leans into her touch. Her fingertips dance across the whiskered skin with the grace and nimbleness of a ballerina dancing across the stage. Her fingers touch every single hair, caress every millimeter of skin.

She sets out to memorize every single detail about his face, as if an artist preparing to paint a portrait from memory. Or a sculptor. Perhaps that is the better metaphor for Meredith as her fingers traipse across his forehead, down the bridge of his nose, and along the edges of his lips. Derek's lips part slightly at her airy touch, her fingers brushing against his skin like butterfly wings.

Their intimate moment is suddenly interrupted when someone bumps into Meredith, sending her forehead crashing against Derek's lip. He wraps his arms protectively around Meredith to stop her forward tumble, ignoring the pain in his mouth created from the collision. He looks down at her. "You okay?" he asks with genuine concern in his voice.

She glances up at him. "Oh, Derek!" she gasps. "You're bleeding!" she shrieks in a somewhat panicked voice.

Derek reaches up and touches his lip with his hand and is met by the warm, sticky feeling of blood as a stinging sensation resonates where he touches the small cut. He chuckles as he looks down at her, amusement in his eyes as he watched her panic. He grabs her wrists to still her nervous movements. "Mer," he says calmly, "it's okay. It's just a little cut. It doesn't even hurt," he says with a smile.

She looks up at him, her bottom lip protruding slightly as she pouts. "But you're bleeding," she says, almost as if to say "you're bleeding, so you must feel pain" but she doesn't finish that thought. After all, isn't bleeding the one thing that always reminds Meredith that she is alive by feeling the pain so closely associated with that deep red liquid.

Derek wraps his arm around Meredith's waist, pulling her side plush against his. He leans down close to her ear. "Let's go back to the hotel and I will let you take care of my lip and then we can watch a movie," he says in amusement.

This does the trick as he feels Meredith's previously tense body slacken and lean further against him. Her giggle dances through the air like raindrops on an otherwise clear day, welcome and refreshing. "Let me take care of you, eh?" she asks with raised eyebrow as soon as she stops giggling.

Derek chuckles a deep, hearty laugh. "Well, yeah. You're my woman. You're supposed to take care of your man," Derek says, drawing out the last syllable in mockery of a strong Southern drawl. He elicits the response he was hoping for as another shower of giggles falls around him, quenching a thirst only recently created by Meredith.

"Your woman, eh?" she asks while giggling. "I can be your woman I guess, but if you tell me to get in the kitchen and make a sandwich…I will kick your ass," Meredith finishes in a somewhat serious tone.

Derek chuckles as he pulls her close and leans down to plant a kiss on her hair. "Does that mean I get to be your man?" he asks while laughing.

She stops and looks up at him, pretending to regard him seriously. "I don't' know," she says seriously as she brings her finger to her chin, suggesting deep thought.

Derek's mouth falls slack at her as his eyes widen in mock shock. He knows that they are only partaking in a bout of playful banter, but can't help but be intrigued by her answers. "What do you mean you don't know?" he asks in a whiney voice.

Meredith crosses her arms over her chest as she smirks at him. "I'm just not sure if you bring enough…meat…to the table," she says, struggling to keep the laughter at bay as her eyes travel from his perfect hair to his perfect feet, lingering momentarily at his belt buckle.

He tilts his head back and chuckles before taking a step forward and closing the abyss that arose between them during the banter. He wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her chest plush against his. He dips his head down, consciously bathing her long neck with waves of his hot breath. "Oh," he starts in a husky voice, "I bring plenty of…meat…to the table," he says as he begins to suck on her earlobe, effectively sending chills down her spine. "Trust me, I've never had any complaints," he finishes in a cocky tone.

He feels Meredith's body stiffen in his arms and immediately wonders what he has said wrong. He pulls back and looks at her. He can see a certain sadness beginning to form in her eyes. "What is it, Mer?" he asks in a concerned voice.

She shakes her head, saying "Nothing," quickly before pulling away from him. "We should really get back to the hotel and take care of your lip." Her voice is different. It's not as light and gay as it was earlier. It seems to be weighted down with something. He just has no idea what it is.

He wraps his arm around her shoulders to show her that he isn't going anywhere. She can try to pull away. She can try to run. But he isn't going to let her. Meredith Grey is really something. He knows that. He knows that just from the short amount of time they have spent together. He knows from that short amount of time that he wants to spend a lifetime getting to know the little firefly in his arms.


	23. Chapter 23

They finally reach their room after the quiet trek, no further words having been exchanged in the past ten minutes. Derek knows that something is wrong. She is tense and her brow is knit as if she is in deep thought about something. He tries to think about what could have gone wrong. Everything was perfect. Everything was so perfect. They were joking around and suddenly everything changes. He wracks his brain as he attempts to recall every detail of their exchange.

He sighs in frustration as she instantly moves away from him as they step into the room. She throws her purse down on a nearby table before turning around and facing him. Her eyes are piercing and her jaw is jutting slightly forward, as if she is ready to partake in a battle.

She opens her mouth to speak, but quickly closes it again, as if searching for the right words. He takes a step forward, imploring her to speak.

"What is it, Mer?" he asks, wanting to make things better as soon as possible.

She bites down on her bottom lip, letting him see that she is nervous no matter how tough she tries to act. He takes another step towards her, now close enough to reach out and touch her. He does try to reach for her, but she pulls away as she looks into his eyes.

"Areyouawhore?" she quickly blurts out, not exactly sure how to ask the question that has been bothering her since his mention of no complaints.

Derek's eyes narrow and his lips purse as he attempts to decipher her nervous speak. He shakes his head and chuckles when the gibberish remains gibberish and he still has no idea what she has said.

"What?" he asks while attempting to suppress a chuckle.

It is now Meredith's turn to narrow her eyes as she places one hand on her hip and points at him with the forefinger of her right hand, taking on an accusatory manner and making him feel strangely like he is back home and his mom is scolding him for getting his hand caught in the cookie jar. "Are," jab "you" jab jab "a" jab "manwhore?" jab jab. Her voice is slow and she attempts to sound strong, but he can detect the hints of nervousness and her finger actually hurts a little as she accentuates each word with jabs in the chest with her forefinger.

Derek sighs as he runs his fingers through his hair. This is not going to be good. He has gotten around. He has definitely gotten around. But that shouldn't matter. She is different. "Meredith…" he starts.

"No!" she interrupts. "I asked a simple question: Are you a manwhore? And it really requires a simple yes or no answer. No Mer, or tilting your head to the side and grinning like an idiot. No trying to woo me or whatever," she says while pacing the small space in between the coffee table and the couch.

He closes the space between them and reaches out and grabs her shoulders, forcing her to stop and face him. "Damn it, Meredith! Look at me! Yes! Okay? Are you happy now?" Derek lets go of her arms and throws his own up in the air before he now starts pacing. He fails to notice the tears that have gathered in Meredith's eyes as he shouts at her.

"Don't yell at me," she whispers, struggling to find her voice.

Derek immediately stops and turns to look at her. He can see the fear and hurt on her face and his face immediately crumples. "Oh God," he says as he reaches forward and envelops her tiny frame in his arms. He places a soft kiss on her hair. "I'm sorry," he whispers, "I'm so sorry for yelling at you," he finishes as he begins to run his hands up and down her back.

They stand there for several minutes, just holding and comforting each other, her arms wrapped around his torso, his hands still moving up and down her back. "How many?" she asks into his shirt.

He sighs as his hands stop their vertical motions. "I don't know," he answers in a sad voice.

She leans back and looks up at him, pain and confusion evident in her eyes. "You don't know?" she asks in disbelief.

"I don't know," he responds in a quiet voice.

She arches her eyebrow. "How can you not know?"

He moves around her and sits down on the couch, his head falling forward into his hands. "I don't remember all of them. I remember some, but not all," he answers in a voice that lets her know he regrets it.

She sighs and sits down next to him. "Talk to me, Derek," she demands.

"You don't want to know," he answers as he looks at her out of the corner of his eye.

"Maybe not…but I need to know. You made me talk about my problems, so…it is only fair that you talk about yours," she pauses and bites down on her bottom lip. "Plus, if we are going to do…the thing…then we need to talk about these things," she adds nervously.

Derek chuckles lightly. "The thing?" he asks.

Her eyes widen as she realizes the many connotations that "the thing" can take on in the context of their current conversation. "Oh! Not that thing…not…no…not that thing thing…but the dating thing…or the relationship thing…not the sex thing…not that I don't want to do the sex thing…but no…that's…no…not what I was talking about. Nope. And I don't know if you want a relationship either…so just ignore that I said that…in fact," she says as she starts to get up, "ignore all of that."

Derek chuckles as he reaches up and grabs her arm, pulling her back down on the couch. "I do want to try the relationship 'thing' with you. I…that is why I want to be honest with you. I…I just don't want you to think any less of me," he says in a quiet voice.

Meredith reaches forward and cups his cheek in her hand. He leans into her touch as he closes his eyes, relishing in her soft touch. "Derek, look at me," she commands. He opens his eyes and turns to look at her. "We all do bad things…we all…do things that we are not proud of…but it is the good…it's the good things that we do that define us…not the bad…I can't promise that I will like what you are about to tell me…but I can promise that I will get over it…I will get over it because you…you already mean so much to me. Okay?" she asks as she looks deep into his now tear-filled eyes.

He nods. "Okay," he responds in a tear-strained voice. He runs his hands over his face before leaning back on the couch. "Five years ago my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer," he begins in a quiet, pain-filled voice. He can hear Meredith gasp, but ignores it and carries on. "Her chances weren't good. Ovarian cancer, hell, any type of cancer, is serious and we didn't think she was going to make it. I was supposed to be a man and take care of my sisters. They were my responsibility but it was all too much. I couldn't fathom losing my mom. I had already been recruited to the MLS and had already acquired a little fame, so I could easily get alcohol. I started drinking, a lot, and sleeping around. It made me feel good in the moment and at the time, I was just looking for the quick fix. That's why I don't remember how many. That went on for about a year. My mom recovered, but now I had a problem. I couldn't stop. It took my mom confronting me and telling me I was dying and that I was killing her to make me stop. In the four years since then, I have slept around some, but not like I was then," he trails off.

She studies him for a moment. His slouched form and quiet voice tell her that he really does regret it. "How old were you when…you know?"

Derek smirks as he looks back up at her. She feels inwardly relieved to see a hint of a smile back on his face. "Are you asking me when I lost my virginity?" he asks in an amused voice.

Meredith blushes slightly while nodding.

"I was seventeen," he answers as he watches her. "Look, Mer, I like sex. Hell, I fucking love sex. It's great and it is important in a relationship," he notices the crest fallen look on her face. "But," he says with a smile, "with you…with you it's so much more than that. I find myself wanting to wait for you. I want it to be perfect for you and I want you to be sure," he adds as he leans towards her and trails his forefinger down her cheek.

She chews nervously on her bottom lip as she glances up at him through her eyelashes. "So…I'm not just another notch on your whatever?" she asks.

He chuckles. "My bedpost? No. You could never just be another notch on my bedpost," he says as he leans in and places a gentle kiss on her cheek.

She breathes a sigh of relief as she looks at him. "Derek?" she asks.

"Yeah?" he quickly responds, his lips brushing against her smooth skin as the move to form the single word.

"Is it okay that I'm feeling…" she trails off, unsure of how to phrase it.

He pulls back a little and stares at her. "How are you feeling, Mer?" he asks in sincerity.

"Like…I don't know…it's a mixture…it's nervousness…embarrassment…timidity…I don't know…It's just…and you are…and I…" she rambles as she avoids his eyes.

He looks at her sincerely as he caresses her cheek while forcing her to look at him. "Why are you feeling those things?" he asks as his eyes search hers.

She bites on her lip as she tries to look at the ground. "What if I…" she trails off.

"What if you what?" he asks as he begins to run his hand down her arm.

"What if I don't please you?" she whispers with tears in her eyes.

"Oh Mer," he whispers sincerely as he rests his forehead against hers, tangling his fingers in her hair. "When we have sex…when we make love…it will be perfect…it will be perfect because it's with you…I…" he starts, trying to find the perfect way to say what he needs to say. "I have never made love…it has always just been sex to me…so…when we do it…it will be both of our firsts..." he says with a smile in his voice.

"Really?" she asks as she smiles at him.

He simply closes his eyes and nods. "Really," he whispers into the now relaxed atmosphere. They stand there for a while longer, allowing the conversation to sink in as their feelings for each other continue to grow and expand into something beautiful.

"Why don't you go get in your pajamas and I will get in mine…and then we can cuddle up on the couch and watch a scary movie?" he says as he finally pulls his forehead away from hers.

She arches her eyebrow in amusement as she looks at him. "A scary movie, eh? I don't remember deciding on that genre…" she says before giggling lightly.

He grabs her hips and pulls her body further into his, his lips lingering only millimeters from hers. "Well," he begins in a light tone, "I figure that is a sure-fire way of getting you into my bed tonight," he says with a smirk.

She gasps before playfully pulling back and hitting him in the arm. "Ass!" she says while trying to keep a straight face.

"Oh, come on," he says while pulling her back into him, "you were totally thinking the same thing."

"Maybe," she mumbles into his sweater, "but you were the one who said it."

He chuckles as he runs his fingers down her spine. He can feel her shiver in his arms. He doesn't want to let her go. He never wants to let her go. When she is in his arms, when she is with him, he feels like it is okay just to be him. The flaws, the past, the fame—she doesn't see those things. She sees him. Just him for who he is and nothing more, nothing less. For the first time in his life, Derek Shepherd feels content being Derek Shepherd and it is all because of an amazing woman named Meredith Grey.

**Alright...so...I just...I got a couple of PMs about updating more often...and I want you guys to know that I update as much as I can...I am a premed student...planning to take the MCAT in the summer...I volunteer at the hospital and I also have my own board...Did I mention that I have 9 fics? Yeah...I update when I can...I would apologize for not updating more, but I have a life and priorities and I'm not going to apologize for those things. I just had to say it. Sorry. **

**Thank you all for your great reviews. I will try to have another update up soon...but I'm not sure when it will be. I live in Oklahoma...and my apartment is currently without power. I had to rearrange two of my finals so that I could come to my mom's just to be warm. And yeah...I kind of love this update...Derek isn't perfect...and I really wanted to show that...they are imperfect apart...but together...they are perfect. Hope it was worth the wait. **

**-Marci**


	24. Chapter 24

Meredith lunges into Derek's lap as the zombie begins to lurch around in the fountain. She hates zombie movies. She really really hates zombie movies. She buries her face in his neck as the loud screeching noise emanates from the creature as it lurches forward to attack. To eat. To kill.

Derek chuckles as he runs his fingers along her curled spine. He can feel her hot, moist breath on his neck as she pants in fear. He sees that her eyes are squeezed shut as he glances at her out of the corner of his eyes and her nails are digging into the skin at the back of his neck.

"It's okay, Mer…it's just a movie," he says softly as he continues to lovingly caress her.

She shakes her head. " No. They look so real, Der, they…they are going to come and get me!!" she says in a trembling voice. All of the sudden she pulls back. "Oh my God!!" she practically screams.

A panicked look crosses Derek's face as he immediately thinks that something is seriously wrong. "What is it?" he quickly asks, his eyes searching hers for any sign of pain.

Her eyes are wide with fear and he can feel her trembling in his arms. "We are on…the top floor…" she manages as her breathing starts to become labored as she nears a panic attack.

He arches his eyebrow in confusion. "Yeah?" he asks slowly.

"WE ARE TRAPPED!!" she yells at him, trying desperately to get him to understand.

"Trapped?? What in the hell are you talking about?" he asks as he narrows his eyes at her.

"The zombies. If they come…we are trapped…no escape…we will starve…oh my God…they will get us…they will eat us alive and I will die having never experienced an orgasm. Oh my God.." she is now pacing in front of him. "Then…then after the torture of being eaten alive in a non-sexual way, I saw that smirk jackass," she remarks as she stops at points a finger at him. "After being eaten alive I will come back as zombie and slowly rot and decay. I…I don't want to be eaten alive, Derek. I…oh God…" she says before the tears start to roll down her face.

He immediately jumps up and envelops her in his arms. "Shhh…" he whispers as he runs his hands up and down her back. "It's okay, Mer," the zombies are not going to get you," he says in the most serious voice he can manage.

She buries her head in his chest, and inhales deeply as the tears continue to flow. "You are laughing at me," she murmurs into his chest.

"No. I'm not," he struggles to say. His face is red from the effort to refrain from laughing his ass off.

She pulls back and her red eyes evaluate his red face before hitting him in the chest. "Yes, you are you ass!" she says seriously before starting to giggle.

Once Derek hears her giggle, he releases the laughter that he worked to hard to hold back. Their mixed laughter feels the suit as tears of joy pour down both of their faces.

After a few minutes the laughter fades, both hold their now aching sides. Derek looks seriously at Meredith through his tear-filled eyes. "Want to watch something else?" he asks sincerely.

Meredith immediately shakes her head no as she bites down on her bottom lip. A surprise expression crosses his face. "No?" he asks shocked.

Meredith leans in close to his ear, her hot breath hitting the sensitive skin of his neck. "I don't like to leave anything unfinished," she says in a suggestive voice.

Derek coughs to clear the large lump that her words create in his throat. "Yeah?" he asks in a husky voice as he tries to recover from the shock of her words.

"Yeah," she whispers softly.

Derek places his hands on her hips, his thumbs rubbing circles on her hip bones. His lips brush against her ear lobe as he whispers, "Me either."

Meredith sucks in a sharp breath as his teeth nip lightly at her ear lobe, a plethora of amazing sensations traveling to her core. "Not fair," she gasps as she fists his shirt in her tiny fists.

He chuckles. "What isn't fair?" he asks lowly as he hands move to her lower back, pulling her body closer to his.

Meredith wraps her arms tightly around his chest, enjoy the feel of his body plush against hers. "Teasing," she whispers into his chest.

This answer results in another deep chuckle from Derek as he leans forward and buries his nose in her hair. "How am I teasing you?" he asks as one of his warm hands travel under the back of her shirt and rest on the bare skin of her lower back.

Meredith mumbles something incoherently into Derek's chest as his forefinger begins to run under the waist band of her jeans.

"What was that?" he asks with a chuckle.

"Movie," she manages to say, hoping to put an end to the torture of being teased and sexually frustrated.

"Hmm?" he asks as he inhales deeply, too lost in the moment to completely understand what she is saying.

Meredith pulls back from him, leaving them both instantly feeling cold and alone. "Movie," she says as she clears her throat in an attempt to regain composure. "We should get back to the movie," she adds for clarity as she stares into the confused, darkened eyes of Derek.

Derek shakes his head in an attempt to displace the cloudiness that has overwhelmed his senses, clouds of lavender. If he didn't know better, he would think he was high. "Yeah. Movie," he manages as they move to sit back down on the couch.

Derek plops down on the couch, his body feeling rather weak from the sexual tension that always seems to exist between him and Meredith. He expects for her to curl up next to him, returning to their previous position before her little freak out, but it disappointed when she sits on the opposite end of the couch. "What are you doing way over there?" he asks in a teasing voice as he reaches out to her.

Meredith stares at his hand for a minute before shaking her head. "I don't think so," she says with a smile.

A frown crosses Derek's face as he cocks his head to the side. "Why not?" he asks in voice of feigned insult.

Meredith turns her body on the couch so that she is facing him. "Because of you and your boy penis," she says to him pointedly.

He can't stifle the chuckle as he stares at her bewildered. "What about me and my boy penis?" he asks as he begins to move closer towards her.

Meredith gasps as he grabs her waist and pulls her body beneath his. His hot breath laps against her face as she stares up into his dark eyes. "Teasing," she manages in a strangled voice.

Derek leans down and buries his face in her neck, placing several soft kisses behind her ear. "Who said anything about teasing?" he asks in a husky voice.

"But," she gasps as he begins to suck on her earlobe, " you said no sex," she whispers.

Derek's lips brush against her ear as he whisper, "I said no sex yet, but that doesn't mean we can't do other things."

Meredith swallows the large lump in her throat as he she feels his growing erection against her leg. "Other things?" she manages to ask.

She can almost feel Derek smirking against her neck. "Yes. Other things. Have you ever done other things, Meredith?" he asks softly, sweetly.

Meredith feels herself blush at her own ignorance and inexperience. Derek notices her silence and finally removes his face from the crook in her neck. He smiles warmly at her as he brushes a few strands of hair out of her face. He leans down to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. He gently pushes himself off of her and stands up. He reaches out to her. "Come on," he gently commands. She looks at him, noticing the obvious bulge in his pants before meeting his eyes.

"Where are we going?" she asks nervously as she bites down on her bottom lip.

Derek smiles warmly at her. "To my bedroom," he states simply.

Meredith nods before allowing Derek to pull her to her feet, excitement and nervousness coursing through her body as his hand grips hers firmly. This is going to be a long night, and she can't help but forget about the zombies, the dead mommy, and the absent father as her thoughts are on the immediate future and not lingering in the past.

**This update...almost didn't get posted...i'm on a different computer and it's being a bitch and it took me forever just to get this up and it was really pissing me off...I'm supposed to be studying...so yeah...this update is for Rina for her birthday...and yeah...I don't have my laptop right now because i had to send it off...and I have to go take a make-up final on Friday...so I don't know when the next update will be. Hope you liked it. **

**-Marci**


	25. Chapter 25

Meredith feels her heart pounding against her chest as Derek closes the door behind them

Meredith feels her heart pounding against her chest as Derek closes the door behind them. They are the only ones in the suite, but the closed door does make her feel a bit more comfortable.

He steps forward, his chest pressing against her back. She can feel his hot breath hit the back of her neck with each exhalation. She tilts her head slightly back, exposing her neck to him. She closes her eyes as his moist lips come into contact with her awaiting flesh, already abounding with goosebumps in anticipation of what the night may bring.

She inhales sharply as she feels his erection poking her in the small of her back, a small bit of fear enters into her mind before quickly fading as his strong hands begin to rub small circles around her hip bones.

"You okay?" he whispers into the crook of her neck, the warmth of his breath only intensifying the desire she feels growing between her now trembling legs.

She is unable to find her voice, so she nods wordlessly as she takes a step towards the bed. He chuckles as he tightens his grip around her waist. "Where do you think you are going so fast?"

Meredith blushes as she turns around to face him. "I was just..uhh…going to the bed…is that not..I mean…where…what.." she trails off as she begins to chew on her bottom lip.

Derek chuckles again as he ducks his head down slightly, taking a step towards her and effectively closing the tiny gap her retreat had formed. His eyes slowly trail over her lips as he subconsciously licks his own. He lowers his head a little more. "You are perfect," he whispers almost against her lips. It is as if he can read her mind and sense her insecurities and banish them all at the same time.

Her lips curve slightly up at the edges as she stares up at him, her green eyes glazing over ever so slightly with unshed tears at his tenderness. A tenderness she has never known.

She opens her mouth to speak, but before a syllable escapes his lips are on hers. She gasps at his sudden, gentle attack. He wraps his arms protectively around her waist, bringing her torso plush against his as he relishes in the softness of her cherry-flavored lips.

His fingers tangle in her hair as his tongue plunges into the dark depths of her mouth. A small moan escapes from her as he awakens erogenous zones that she did not even know existed. As the moan reaches her ears, she feels herself blush in embarrassment and she immediately stifles it.

Derek notices this and pulls back. He looks into her flushed face, worry creasing his brow. "You ok?" he asks in a concerned tone.

She bites down on her lip before nodding.

He eyes her carefully before untangling his fingers from her hair. "You're not okay," he states simply.

"I'm fine. Totally. Perfectly. Fine. Seriously," she rambles as she looks at him from under her lashes.

He can't help but chuckle at her rambling. "You're so cute when you ramble," he says as he tilts his head to the side and smiles dreamily at her, "but you are not fine. Something is bothering you. Something made you freeze up. What is it?" he asks as he begins to caress her shoulder with his thumb.

Meredith sighs as she takes a step back and sits down on the edge of the bed. Derek kneels down in front of her, his caresses migrating to her knees. "It's just…" she starts with a motion of her hands. She looks at him, sighing. "and you…you are just…and I'm just…UGH!" she says as she falls back on the bed.

Derek chuckles as he stands up and gazes down at her. Her hair is fanned out behind her and her chest is heaving in frustration. He decides the best thing to do is to lie down next to her until she is ready to tell him. He lies there for a minute before she speaks again.

"I don't know what I'm doing," she says barely above a whisper.

He props himself up on his elbow and stares down at her. "Don't worry about it," he says in a soft voice as he leans in closer to her. "Tonight. Tonight you don't have to do a thing. Tonight is all about you. Tonight. Tonight I will be taking care of you. So…just go with it…okay?" he says in a low husky voice.

Meredith forces herself to swallow the lump that has suddenly formed in her throat.

"Okay?" he repeats again as his lips now hover directly over hers, his hot breath lapping against her face in soft waves.

"Okay," she manages to whisper while nodding her head slightly.

As soon as the syllable escapes her mouth, Derek captures her lips with his and slowly begins to make her fears and insecurities melt away. Tonight will be a night she will never forget. Tonight. Tonight will be a night she will never want to forget.

**Sorry...so so sorry that this took so long...I just started writing again recently because life has been hell...and then I've had trouble loading documents onto here...so yeah...there is 1 more chapter to post that is written...but the story is no where near being done. Hope you enjoy. Will post the other chapter soonish.**

**-Marci**


	26. Chapter 26

His fingers travel along the soft, smooth skin of her inner thigh

His fingers travel along the soft, smooth skin of her inner thigh. Her breath hitches slightly in her throat as he toys with the hem of her boy shorts. His forefinger traces circles along her hamstring, an attempt to loosen her up.

His finger is soon replaced by his warm, moist lips as they nip gently at her virgin skin. His hips brush against her side as he leans across her body and a tiny bit of fear flitters through her as she feels his large size pressed against her.

She can feel her hands tremble as she runs them slowly down his back. He raises his head and looks into her eyes, smiling warmly to let her know that he understands. He creeps up her body, his torso running along hers as they come face to face.

"Let me know if you want to stop. Just say the word and I will. Okay?" he whispers in a gentle voice.

She nods as her tongue darts out and licks her chapped lips. "Okay," she manages to choke out as her heart continues to palpitate wildly against her chest wall.

He smiles at her once again as he begins to trace her chapped upper lip with his forefinger. "Remember," he whispers as his mouth moves to hover over hers, "slow."

He captures her lips with his as the last syllable still dances on the end of his tongue. The pink skin of their lips mesh together as his hands slowly roam the exposed skin of her sides. He takes his time. He wants to get to know every inch of her body. He wants to remember every moment of this experience. He wants the present to last an eternity.

After what seems like a moment, but is actually several minutes, Derek finally presses his tongue against her bottom lip, begging entrance into her mouth. She hesitates momentarily before surrendering to him. His tongue penetrates the cavern of her mouth, brushing slightly against her teeth as he slowly seeks out that which he longs to taste—her tongue. After several slow oscillations his tongue collides with hers. A low groan escapes from him and he can't help but grind his pelvis slowly against her.

Meredith allows her own small moan to escape as she opens her legs wider for him, allowing him to position himself directly between her legs. Her desire is so intense that it has become painful. She is no longer thinking about her insecurities, but about the raging flame that has ignited deep within her core.

He tears himself away from her mouth, his breath bathing her skin with its heat. "You okay?" he pants.

Meredith bites down on her bottom lip as she nods at him, her eyes darker than he has even seen them before.

He lowers his head once again, but instead of recapturing her lips, he places soft, gentle, needy kisses along the corner of her mouth. He slowly moves down the column of her neck, pausing briefly to feel her pounding pulse against his lips.

His hands slowly slide up her hard abdomen until they are cupping her breasts. She gasps as he begins to move his thumbs in circles over her already-erect nipples. Her back arches into his touch. She has never been touched like this. She has never felt so empowered, so feminine.

She rises up off of the bed, separating herself from Derek's touch and his kisses. He looks at her questioningly. She smiles at him before gripping the bottom of her shirt and pulling it over her head.

Derek's mouth goes dry as he stares at the perfect woman sitting in front of him. Her hair is a bit messy as it falls around her face, but she still looks perfect. She giggles nervously as she stares at him. He chuckles briefly before giving her a quick, yet soft, kiss on the lips.

"God, you are perfect," he tells her in a husky voice.

Meredith blushes furiously, but before she can open her mouth to speak he has recaptured her lips. His unexpected attack causes her to fall back on the bed, causing them to separate momentarily and laugh.

Derek pulls back and looks into her eyes. She looks up at him and he can see the trust that he has already earned pouring forth from her irises. She reaches up and runs her fingers through his hair, her nails grazing his scalp. It takes him a moment to realize that not only is she running her fingers through his hair, but she is pushing his head down.

"Demanding, I like that," he says with a smirk as he grabs Meredith's wrists, "but I promised you slow, and slow is what you are going to get, Meredith Grey," he continues with a wink.

Meredith's giggles soon turn to moans of pleasure as Derek's tongue dances across her nipple. Her hands move to his shoulders as she feels as if she might crumble at any moment. Sparks of electricity storm through her body, prompting her to raise her hips off of the bed and grind against Derek.

Derek groans and moves his hands to her hips, stilling her motions. Derek dedicates several tender moments to each of Meredith's breasts, showering them each with more attention than they have ever received. He begins to move down Meredith's chest and to her abdomen, pausing momentarily he looks up and sees her flushed face watching him intently.

Derek's mouth slowly travels down Meredith's abdomen as his hands rest on her hips, his thumbs moving in slow, rhythmic motions. He can feel her body vibrating beneath him from the sheer intensity of her desire. He slowly runs his tongue along the inside waist of her boy shorts.

She opens her legs even wider for him. He hooks his thumbs under the thin, cotton material, the crotch of which is already drenched from her desire.

He pauses momentarily. "Are you sure?" he asks one more time.

She sighs in frustration as she props herself up on her elbows. "God damn it, Derek! Just fucking do it already!" she pants.

He chuckles as he places a gentle kiss on the dampened portion of her shorts. She lifts her ass up off of the bed so that he can remove them more easily. Derek slowly begins to lower her shorts, taking in her well-groomed appearance as more of her is revealed to him.

He flings the item of clothing across the room as his eyes remain fixed on her glistening folds. He grabs her knees and lifts them up so that her heels are resting on the edge of the bed, exposing more of her to him. He then pushes them further apart. The only sounds that fill the room are the sounds of their labored breathing.

Meredith aches with need as she closes her eyes, waiting for his next move. She trembles as she feels his finger begin to trace her outer folds, teasing, tantalizing her. She raises her hips off of the bed, demanding more. He answers only partly as he moves his finger along the bundle of nerves she never knew existed until now. She gasps and trembles slightly, but soon he moves on. He maneuvers about her opening, toying with the idea of penetrating her with his finger, but soon abandoning her all together.

She groans in frustration, but soon her groans turn into gasps as she feels his moist tongue exploring her. He is gentle, but forceful. He returns to the sensitive bundle of nerves that is still buzzing from its previous awakening.

"Oh God," she gasps in pure ecstasy as her fingers somehow become entangled in his hair.

He pulls away from her, leaving her feeling cold. "You okay?" he asks in a worried tone.

She opens her eyes and looks at him, frustration etched on her features. "Don't stop!" she yells at him.

He chuckles before returning his attentions to her pussy. This time his tongue spends a few moments penetrating her opening before returning to her clit. His laps are long and slow as her toes begin to curl. She feels an added pleasure as he inserts his finger into her opening while continuing to suck on her clit.

She reaches for the comforter around her, clasping it in her tight grip as her body begins to tighten. He adds another finger to the one that is already boring deep inside of her. She feels a dull ache, but that ache is minimized by the waves of pleasure coursing through her body.

Her stomach begins to tighten as she involuntarily raises her hips off of the bed. He continues to pleasure her as she begins to shake. She can feel her stomach tighten even more as her breaths become gasps for air. She tries to stay quiet, but when he nips slightly on her clit she loses all control and screams at the top of her lungs as she surrenders to her first orgasm.

Derek continues his movements until he is sure that her orgasm is finished. He then slowly licks up her juices before moving to lie on the bed next to her. She is breathing hard and her face is flushed. She turns to look at him, a twinkle in her eye.

"So.." he begins, "how was it?"

She smiles at him as she bites down on her bottom lip.

"Will you do it again?" she asks softly.

Derek chuckles as he leans forward and kisses her on the forehead. "Did you really think I would only do it once? I said I was yours for the night, not for thirty minutes," he responds with a wink as his hands move slowly over her body.

This is going to be a long night indeed.

**Okay...so you are all caught up now :D Hope you enjoyed!**

**-Marci**


	27. Chapter 27

She can feel the warmth of the sun against her skin as she slowly awakens. Her body is tangled in the stark white sheets. It takes several moments for her to fully waken as last night was the first night in years that her sleep has not been haunted by nightmares.

She sighs as she shifts in the bed, her eyes still closed. The movement of her feet pulls the sheets down, exposing her bare breasts to the luminous rays of light. The movement also causes her to become aware of a dull ache, a soreness from the marathon events of the night before, events that were focused entirely on her and her needs.

A small smile forms on her face as she recalls the events that had ended only a couple of hours before. She stretches her arms in an attempt to relieve some of the tension from her still exhausted body, and that is when she notices it.

She is all alone.

Her eyes jerk open, the light blinding her momentarily before she begins to search around the room. He left her. She can't believe that he left her. Was it just about sex? But if it was just about sex, wouldn't he have asked for more last night?

Confusion clouds her mind as she pulls the sheet up tight around her body and slowly climbs out of the bed, the dull ache between her legs increasing in intensity as she moves. She doesn't even bother to pick up her various articles of clothing that are scattered around the room as she exits, her cheeks a violet shade of crimson.

She clutches the sheet tightly around her body as she begins to walk across the space that separates their rooms, her eyes focused on the ground in front of her as she moves.

"Where do you think you are going?" he asks in a playful tone.

The sound of his voice startles her, causing her to release her grasp on the sheet. The sheet falls to the floor before she can catch it.

She quickly reaches down to grab it, but his hands are on her bare hips before she can. His pelvis is pushed against her naked ass, the cotton of his robe the only material that is separating their bodies.

She gasps as she stands straight up again, the thought of grabbing the sheet forgotten. His mouth finds the nape of her neck before placing a single, soft kiss on the area, leaving it hot and tingling.

She can feel his hot breath against her ear as he pulls her body against his, her back against his torso. He gently nibbles on her earlobe before softly sucking on it. She can feel the moisture pooling between her legs as his hand splays across her flat abdomen.

She closes her eyes and forces herself to swallow the lump in her throat. "I…I…" she begins before he moves his mouth from her ear to the column of her neck.

She allows her head to fall back onto his shoulder, granting him better access. "Yes?" he whispers against her electrified skin, his murmured words only sending more pulses of energy through her.

She swallows again as she attempts to remember what she was saying. "You…you were gone…I woke up…and you were gone," she finally manages to say.

His movements stop as he hears the hurt in her voice. He uses the hand wrapped around her abdomen to turn her around. She gasps at the sudden move as she comes face to face with her.

His eyes slowly scan her face before resting on her lips. His eyes seem heavy as he becomes entranced by them. His hands press against her lumbar spine forcing her body to be plush against his. The nipple of her right breast grazes against him through an opening in his robe.

He leans in, their hot breath mingling in the centimeters that separate them.

"Breakfast," he whispers against her lips.

Confusion crosses her face as she pulls back slightly.

"What?" she asks, not exactly sure of what he said because of the pounding in her chest.

"I was making you breaking," he clarifies as he tilts his head to the side and smiles.

"Oh," she breathes after a moment, before grabbing the sides of his face and pulling his lips against her.

The kiss is urgent as she grazes her tongue across his bottom lip, begging entrance before quickly delving into the depths of his mouth. Derek is forced to take a step back to recover from the force as he holds them together. It takes him a moment to recover before he moves his hands to her hair, his fingers tangling in her messy tendrils. He pushes her back until the small of her back comes into contact with the table.

The kiss is intense, but it only lasts a moment before they are both out of breath. They separate slowly, almost as if they hate to lose the connection. Derek rests his forehead against Meredith's, their hot breath bathing the other's face.

After a few moments of silence, their breathing has regulated. Derek runs his hand up and down Meredith's spine as she continues to grasp the back of his robe in her fists.

She finally opens her eyes and her green eyes clash with his blues.

"No one's ever made me breakfast before," she whispers with a small smile on her face and her heart a little lighter than before.


	28. Chapter 28

Derek watches as Meredith pops a strawberry into her mouth. The terry-cloth robe is sliding slightly off her shoulders as she reads a file her father sent her that morning. Her hair is pulled up in a messy ponytail, a few tendrils falling free to frame her face. She is wearing a pair of designer reading glasses as she slowly reads over the documents. Her brow is knit in concentration and her feet are popped up in the chair next to her, revealing her firm calves.

He clears his throat. "So…umm…did you sleep okay?" he asks as he struggles to find some comfort with the large erection that he currently has.

Meredith looks up at him, slowly chewing her bite. He notices a tiny trail of pink liquid traveling from the corner of her mouth and down her chin. "Yeah…I…yeah…perfectly," she whispers as her cheek blush crimson before returning to the file in front of her.

He watches intently as Meredith's tongue slowly exits her mouth and clears away the sweet liquid. She is unconscious of her actions, unaware of the effect that they are having on him. If she were aware, she might give herself a proud pat of the back.

He clears his throat again. "So…uhh…what you reading?" he asks as he picks idly at his bagel, needing his carbohydrates before his game in a few hours.

She looks up at him and knits her brows, studying his flushed appearance. "Just some scouting reports," she says slowly before placing the file on the table. "Are you okay?" she asks after another minute, her eyes never leaving his face.

He coughs again as he shifts in his chair. "I'm great…perfect really," he says while looking at her, his discomfort only growing stronger each moment. "Okay…I'm not," he says with a groan after another moment.

Worry fills her eyes as she stands up, the robe slipping just a little more off of her shoulder. She walks over to him and places the back of her palm against his forehead. "Do you think you might be getting sick?" she asks as she looks down at him.

He groans again as her touch incites a fever in his blood. He shakes his head no while reaching up to place his hands on her hips. She gasps at his unexpected touch. "Well, what's wrong?" she asks in a soft tone.

Derek pulls her down onto her lap, eliciting another gasp of surprise from her. He stares at her with eyes ablaze. "You…are driving me…crazy…with your…skin…and your…god…I just…" he whispers feverishly before leaning in and harshly capturing her lips.

Her breath is taken away by his abruptness, but her response is instinctual. She turns her body to straddle his lap, never breaking the strong bond their lips have formed. This new position allows her breasts to press against his chest as she feels the strength of his desire against her stomach. Her fingers become entangled in his hair, pulling him closer as his tongue delves even deeper. Their breathing is erratic as desire pulsates through their arteries and veins, heating their bodies to frenzied temperatures.

Before she knows it, Derek is reaching behind her and brushing the breakfast items off of the table. She can hear the items crash to the floor, but doesn't understand why until Derek's hands are under her ass and are lifting her onto the table. She gasps as the cold table makes contact with the bare skin of her ass. Her hands move from his hair to his strong shoulders as he slowly lays her down on the table, his body moving with hers.

He finally breaks the kiss as his mouth moves to her neck as his hand slowly slides up her exposed thigh. She gasps his name as his fingers softly brush over her soft mound. He removes his mouth from her neck and rests his forehead against hers, their hot breath beating against the other's face as they pant uncontrollably. She reaches up and runs her fingers slowly along his cheek bone and down his jaw.

"I should go take a shower," he whispers as his eyes burn deep into her soul.

"Yeah," she manages she whisper after a moment, but her arms wrap around his torso, pulling him even closer.

He groans as his thigh rubs against her wetness. "Mer," he says in a deep, husky voice, "if we don't stop now, I'm not sure if I will be able to."

She bites down on her lip, contemplating. He moves his body forward to place a soft kiss on her forehead. "Not until you're absolutely sure," he leans down and whispers into her ear, his hot breath lapping against her neck where his mouth was only a few moments before.

He slowly pushes himself off of her body, hating the instant cold that seems to hit his skin. He slaps his hands together. "Now it's time for a nice cold shower," he says with a soft smile at Meredith.

"Sorry," she mutters as she pushes herself off of the kitchen table.

He chuckles as he reaches out and helps her off of the table. "Don't be. No one has ever driven me this crazy. It's a compliment," he says with a wink.

She blushes as she begins to take a step towards her room. He wraps his arm around her waist, stopping her. "Woah, be careful. I might have gotten a little excited and knocked everything onto the floor. Don't step in glass," he says as he looks at all of the glass and food in the floor.

"Actually," he says before leaning down and scooping her up, "how about I just carry you to your room?"

Meredith gasps before bursting out in giggles. "I am just as capable of avoiding glass as you are."

"I know," he says as he smirks at her, "I just like pretending to be your knight in shining armor, swooping down to rescue his damsel in distress."

Meredith rolls her eyes. "Riiiiiight," she says as he finally sits her down on her bed.

He chuckles as he leans down and quickly brushes his lips across hers before walking out of the room.

Meredith throws herself back on the bed, sighing loudly before erupting into a fit of giggles. Things have definitely taken a turn and she can't remember being happier.


	29. Chapter 29

**I tried to submit this yesterday...but the site wouldn't let me...hope you all like it...all of my stories are also posted on my site...the link is in my profile..updates are always posted there first. **

Meredith shifts somewhat nervously as she sits on the couch in their suite. She had watched the game. She had seen him score in the final minutes, giving the United States the win and the point in the World Cup Standings. He had lifted his jersey, exposing his finely chiseled abdomen as he ran halfway around the field before being tackled by his team. That is when her heart swelled with an overwhelming pride and she felt the beginnings of tears form in her eyes. She had no idea where these extreme emotions had come from.

Had. She had no idea. The problem is that know she thinks she knows. She thinks she knows why she reacted the way she did. She thinks she knows and that knowledge scares the shit out of her. Her first instinct had been to run. To run away from the feelings swelling inside of her at an uncontrollable pace in order to avoid the pain that she sees as inevitable.

She hears his bag scrape against the door as he probably digs for his key card. She flinches as is her natural instinct, the instinct instilled by years of constant pain and hurt. But she doesn't move. She remains seated on the couch, legs crossed and pulled up to her chest as she gnaws on her bottom lip.

She hears the door click as it unlocks. The butterflies in her stomach transform into a large flock of birds as their wings beat wildly as the door begins to open. She stares straight ahead at the television, afraid that he will read her feelings the second he looks at her as if they are written there in large print.

"Hey," he says somewhat breathless and she can tell that he is smiling.

"Hey," she responds as she forces herself to look at him.

He hasn't showered. He is still covered in dirt and sweat. She can see several scratches on his arms and can smell the grass from his several grass stains.

"You didn't change?" she finally asks, desperate to break the silence as well as the penetrating look he is sending her way.

He chuckles as he drops his bag to the floor with a thud. "Nah," he says with a shrug, "I was too excited to get back here."

The serious tone of his voice gets her attention and causes her to appraise him more closely. She can see that his eyes are excited, but not just from the game. There is something else there.

"Why?" she asks as she arches his eyebrow.

"You," he answers simply with a smirk.

She blushes furiously as she notices the sincerity in his voice. "I…I've been thinking," she says as she begins to wring her hands nervously.

Derek watches her closely as he notices her gradually grow more nervous. "Yeah?" he finally asks, encouraging her to continue.

It takes all of her courage to look him in the eyes as she prepares to bare her soul to him. "I…I think I'm ready…to be with you…to try this…us…and…" she pauses and takes a deep breath, "to have sex with you," she finishes in a whisper.

Derek smiles warmly at her. Just as he opens his mouth to answer, her cell phone begins to ring a familiar tune. She sighs as she rolls her eyes. "My father," she says as she answers the phone.

Derek chuckles as he sits down in a nearby chair. He tries not to listen to her conversation, but he can't help it.

"Yeah, Dad, I was there. I saw him kick ass," she says with a roll of her eyes.

She stands up and begins to walk around the suite as her dad begins to talk business with her. Derek begins to think that now is the perfect time for a shower, so he stands up and begins to walk towards his bathroom. Just as he reaches his doorway, the phone to the hotel rings. Not thinking anything of it, he walks to the nearest phone and answers it.

"Hello?" he says casually as he kicks off his tennis shoes. He had changed out of his cleats right after the game.

"Hi," a masculine voice says. "You must be Derek Shepherd."

The man's voice is accusing and causes Derek to wrinkle his brow in confusion. "Yeah," he answers slowly, unsure of where the conversation is going.

"So, that means you must be the man who is fucking my girlfriend," the guy says. "Well, ex-girlfriend."

Derek grows even more confused as the stranger continues to talk.

"Is she there?" he asks.

"She is on the phone," Derek responds simply.

"Ah, I see. So," the guy continues, "has she spread her legs for you yet?"

Derek feels his anger begin to grow. "That is none of your business," he answers curtly.

The stranger chuckles. "So, I see that she hasn't put out yet. Well, let me give you some advice with regard to Meredith Grey. All you have to do is slap her around a bit and she will do anything."

Derek's hands shake with anger as he thinks about this piece of shit laying his hands on Meredith. He notices Meredith looking at him curiously as she stands several feet in front of him, her cell phone no longer in her hands.

Derek moves the receiver closer to his mouth. "If you ever, EVER, fucking touch her again, if you ever even THINK of touching her again, I will personally rip off your balls and shove them down your throat. Then we will see how much of a man you think you are!" he whispers harshly before hanging up the phone.

"Who was that?" Meredith asks confused as she takes a couple of steps towards Derek.

Derek sighs as he runs his hand through his hair. He can't lie to her. He can't. "I think we need to talk," he says seriously.

Meredith feels her heart begin to beat wildly against the wall of her chest as she fears a rejection coming her way. He notices her blanch and instantly understands why. He closes the distance between them and places his hands on her shoulders. "I want to try this too. Us, I mean," he whispers before leaning down and placing a soft kiss on her forehead. "But there is something I need to ask you, something that I need to know," he says over the lump in his throat.

Meredith knits her brow in confusion as the happiness of him wanting to be with her is quickly quelled by the serious tone if his voice. "O..okay," she answers as uncertainty and fear cause her to tremble slightly.

Derek pulls back, hating that this question will probably hurt her. Fearing the answer he might hear. He closes his eyes as he takes a deep breath, nausea already beginning to cause his stomach to churn. "You said that you had only had sex once," he begins slowly as he opens his eyes and stares deep into her widened greenish grey eyes.

She nods silently, afraid of the question that she knows is on the tip of his tongue. Even more afraid of the way he will look at her after she answers.

"I want to know…I need to know…did your ex-boyfriend rape you?"


	30. Chapter 30

"_I want to know…I need to know…did your ex-boyfriend rape you?"_

Meredith stares straight ahead, not seeing the concerned eyes of Derek staring back at her.

"Mer?" he asks as he takes a step forward and places a hand gently on her shoulder. He already knows the answer. Her silence screams the answer.

Suddenly, her face begins to crumple as the façade of strength disappears. Her knees give out as his arms knowingly wrap around her waist and prevent her collapse. The tears fall freely as she buries her face in his chest, her hands gripping the material of his shirt in her fists.

His hand trails slowly up and down her back before he dips one arm down under her knees and lifts her into his arms. Her face moves to the crook of his neck, her warm tears now burning his flesh.

She isn't sure when he climbs into bed with her. All that she knows is that he has opened a door that she had locked. A door she never wanted to open. She never wanted to face what was inside that door. She didn't want to face the truth. Even now she tried to blur it.

"It…it was my fault," she gasps in between sobs as she clings desperately to him.

Derek feels the air being forced harshly from his lungs by her words. "No, Mer," he whispers as he hugs her tighter to his body as the tears fill his eyes. "It wasn't your fault. You…it wasn't your fault," he whispers harshly as the need to comfort her causes him to run his fingers through her hair and down her back.

She nods against his chest, unable to look at him. Shame oozing from her pores as she is forced to take a step into the forbidden room. "It…it was…I…my fault," she sobs as her breathing becomes even more erratic.

"No!" he practically shouts as he forces himself away from her, her tight grip making it hard. "It was not your fault!" he says as he forces her to look at him. He leans forward and kisses away a few of her tears, their saltiness feeling like acid in his mouth. Not because they are her tears, but because of the source of the tears.

Her body begins to shudder as she tries to suppress the sobs. "He…I could have…he…I deserved it…I…"she mutters as she forces her eyes closed. He can feel her body stiffen in his arms and he knows that she is reliving it.

Derek allows a sob to escape as he hears her blame herself. His perfect little fairy blames herself for having her wings crumpled. "No! No one deserves that, Mer! No one! You did not deserve it!" he whispers harshly as his hands clench into fists.

"I…I should…I should have been a better girlfriend…I…I should have gotten him that watch…I…I deserved it…he…he was there…he was always there…he was the only one that was always there…" she manages as her fingers and mouth begin to tingle from her erratic breathing.

Derek notices the panic spread across her face as she flexes her fingers. "No. It's not your fault. It is not your fault," he emphasizes as he slides his body slightly down the bed so that he can rest his forehead against hers. "You need to breathe with me, Mer," he whispers as he reaches down and laces his fingers with hers. "Breathe with me," he whispers again, his warm breath lapping softly against her face.

She closes her eyes as she continues to struggle. "Can't," she gasps.

"Open your eyes," he commands. "Look at me."

She opens her eyes, her eyes dilated as the panic courses through her blood.

"Breathe," he whispers as he takes a deep breathe, his chest brushing against hers as his lungs fill with air.

She looks deep into his eyes as she has to focus on her breathing, something that should be involuntary.

"Good. Breathe," he whispers after a few minutes, her breathing now calming down. "I am here," he whispers into her ear as his hand runs slowly up and down her back. "Whenever you are ready to talk, I am here," he says as he punctuates the sentiment with a soft kiss on her forehead.

She sighs at the contact as he shows her a gentleness she has never known before. She looks down as she reaches out and laces her fingers with his. She closes her eyes, not wanting to look into his eyes and see the inevitable disappointment that will surely fill them when she tells him.

"I loved him," she whispers in a shaky voice.

"I know," he responds as he begins to rub small circles on the back of her hand with his thumb.

"I thought he loved me," she whispers as she bites down on her bottom lip, suppressing the sob that is attempting to escape. "No one's ever loved me," she adds as she is unable to suppress the sob this time, causing the words to come out in a confusion of syllables that take a moment to be deciphered.

"Oh, Mer," he whispers into her ear as he rests his cheek against hers, his grip tightening around her slim body. "That's not true," he finishes as he does his best to comfort her.

She shakes her head. "It's true. I thought he loved me. I thought that was the way that love was supposed to be. I thought that my punishment was deserved. That I earned what I received when I made him angry," she whispers quickly, attempt to rip of yet another band-aid covering a wound on her damaged spirit.

"Did," Derek croaks over the rather large lump in his throat as his stomach churns at the thought, "did he hit you?"

She nods against his chest. "Only when I did something wrong. Only when I was a bad girlfriend, when I deserved it," she whispers. She almost feels detached from her body. As if her forced confrontation with her suppressed past has forced her from her body because the pain being endured by her heart at the moment is just too much.

His arms tighten around her. "You didn't deserve it. You…you are amazing. You are the most amazing person I know," he tells her vehemently as his eyes search her face, but only finding a blank expression.

She shakes her head as she slowly blinks. "I'm not amazing. I'm nothing. I'm nobody. I'm so screwed up that I would make Jerry Springer seem like a comedy," she says in a bitter voice.

He closes his eyes as her zombie-like attitude only adds to the unbearable weight already pressing down on his chest, crushing his heart. "If you can, if you want to, tell me about….about what he did to you," he whispers hoarsely.

She pulls away from him, not wanting to see the disappointment and repulsion that she knows he will feel. She rolls onto her other side, facing away from him as she stares at the plain white wall that seems to be the mirror image of her currently expressionless face.

"Most of the time it was just yelling, but sometimes…he would hit me in the stomach. He didn't want to bruise my face. He knew…he knew that people would see…and he didn't want that. One time…when I was late to a dinner with his friends…he was really embarrassed…and I shouldn't have been late…it was my fault…he…when we got back to his apartment…he choked me until I passed out. I thought I was dying. I welcomed death at the moment. I have never really been suicidal, but in that moment that I was slipping into unconsciousness, I felt relief," she pauses as she takes a deep breath and forces the trembling of her hands to calm.

He reaches out and places his hand on her shoulder, but she shrugs out from under his touch. She doesn't want to feel human right now. Being human hurts to much and no one makes her feels more human than Derek. She can almost see the hurt on his face, but she has to continue. The flood gates have opened and there is no turning back now.

"It was a week after that…that…that I lost my virginity. It was our anniversary. I got dressed up, just the way he liked. I didn't wear anything too revealing or put on too much make-up. He didn't like it when I did that. He thought it made me look like a cheap whore. I was his and no one else's," she says before taking another deep breath, her eyes glazing over in remembrance. "He took me to one of the nicest restaurants in L.A. We had a good time. He even danced with me in front of everyone. I finally felt like a princess from the stories my dad used to read to me before my mother died," she says with a sigh. "When we got back to his apartment, he began to unzip my dress. I backed away and asked him what he was doing. That was the first time he ever hit me in the face. He told me I was ungrateful and that if I wasn't willing to give him what he wanted, he would take it. I was his and he didn't need permission," she says as her voice begins to tremble. "That night I learned that fairytales don't exist and the next day, I learned that neither did love." She finishes in a whisper as she curls her body into a ball, her arms clamped tightly around her abdomen.

Derek stares through his tears at the beautiful woman in front of him who has been reduced to an infantile position. "Mer," he whispers as he reaches out to her.

She jerks away from him. "Don't touch me," she says as she finally seems to return to her body and the sobbing commences. "I'm dirty. I'm damaged. You don't want to touch me," she whimpers as she attempts to curl more into herself.

Derek ignores her as he pulls her limp body into his arms. "No! You are not dirty! You are not damaged! You are my Meredith. You…you are amazingly beautiful…and smart…and bossy…and I will not watch you crumble in pain and not hold you. I will always be here to hold you. I will always be here to love you. I am not going anywhere," he tells her somewhat angrily as he attempts to get his point across.

She shakes her head. "You…you….you don't want me. You…don't love me. Please…please" she whispers as she begins to struggle against his hold.

"Please what?" he whispers as he tightens his grip on her.

"I…I need release. Please. I…I…please…let me," she whimpers as she begins to once again gasp for air.

"Let you what?" he asks as the color quickly fades from his face, having some feeling about what she is about to ask.

Her fists begin to beat angrily against his arms as she struggles for freedom. For release. "Please…I need to…please…let me cut…please…" she begs as her legs also begin to kick.

The air rushes out of his lungs in a gasp as his fears are confirmed. His arms tighten around her as his body willingly takes the force of her battle. "No!" he whispers harshly as she continues to struggle. "I will not let you cut. I will not let you continue to hurt yourself! I won't!"

"Please…please…" she whimpers as her body begins to tire. "I need to bleed…please…I need to feel human…I need to feel alive…please…"

He shakes his head as he turns her body over in his arms so that he can face her. "No!" he says again as her fists now begin to pound on his chest. He hugs her closer to his body in response, his tears falling freely into her hair. "You can hit me all you want, Meredith Grey. I can take it. Just let it out," he whispers into her hair.

Soon, her fists halt their attack and her body begins to shake uncontrollably with sobs. She flings her arms around Derek's neck as she buries her face in his chest. He isn't sure how long he holds her, all that he knows is that he wants to take away all of her pain. He wants to make her happy. He wants to fucking kill her ex-boyfriend.

Is it then that the realization hits him. He told her he loves her. He loves her. Derek Shepherd in absolutely in love with Meredith Grey and he is going to do everything in his power to provide a better present and future for her while helping her heal the numerous gaping wounds of the past.

**I would really like to know what you think about this chapter. I normally do not ask for reviews, but I spent a lot of time and emotion writing this and I would like to know if you liked it or not. It was very emotionally draining to write and I hope you all liked it. **

**-Marci**


	31. Chapter 31

**Thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews...it really means a lot... :D This chapter is a bit lighter...I hope you like it. -Marci**

Her head is pounding. She hasn't even opened her eyes, but her head is freaking killing her. It feels like she has the world's worst hangover without having had anything to drink. She keeps her eyes tightly closed, hoping that it will alleviate some of the pain, but it doesn't. Why is her head hurting so damn bad?

Then it hits her. She spent most of the evening sobbing. That explains the headache. That also explains why she feels as if her eyes are glued together. She wants to groan, but her throat feels as if she has swallowed razors. Razors. She begged him to let her cut, but he didn't. He let her hit him and scream at him and cry all over him, but he didn't let her cut.

It is with this realization that she finally becomes aware of the heavy arm draped over her abdomen and the body that is pressed against hers, holding her tight. She can hear the low murmur of the television in the otherwise quiet room.

"Hey," he whispers huskily as he pulls her body closer to his, her uneven breathing letting him know that she is awake.

"Hey," she whispers somewhat strangled as she debates whether or not she should turn and face him. She doesn't really want to. She doesn't want to see his eyes, his eyes that are so amazing and wonderful. She fears the way those previously amazing eyes will look at her after her confession. She doesn't know if she can stand to have him look at her that way.

"How are you?" he asks as she feels his lips brush against her ear. She can hear the concern in her voice.

"Fine," she answers simply.

"I'll let you get away with that answer. For now," he tells her as he runs his fingers along her arm.

She squeezes her eyes shut as she turns in his arms. His hands run slowly up and down her back. She sighs. "Can we just…not talk about it…please?" she begs as she grips his shirt in her fists, her eyes still closed. She can feel the pounding of his heart against her hands as he leans down and rests his chin on her head.

"Okay," he whispers reluctantly. "For now." They rest in silence for several minutes until she hears him sigh. "On a scale of one to ten…how bad is it?"

She buries her head deeper into his chest, his scent providing some comfort. "An eight," she answers quietly.

"I can work with an eight," he says quietly as his hand slowly trails down her side before moving to the bare skin of her lower back. He begins to rub lazy circles with his rough hands.

"Hmm…" she sighs as one of her hands moves to his back.

"Hmmm?" he asks with a small smile as he feels her noticeably relax in his arms.

"Relaxing," she mutters as her legs become entangled with his.

"Good," he breathes as he continues his motions.

"What are you watching?" she asks after a minute, still not wanting to open her eyes.

"The match between Portugal and China," he responds in a warm voice. "Which you would know if you opened your eyes," he adds with a slight chuckle.

"Don't wanna," she mutters as she buries her face deeper into his chest.

"And why is that?"

"Because…"

"Because why?" he asks with furrowed brow.

"I'm…scared," she whispers.

He pulls slightly back from her as he attempts to get a good look at her face. "What are you scared of?" he asks as he runs a finger gently over her closed eyelids.

"That…," she takes a deep breath, "That you will look at me differently," she finally whispers.

She hears the sharp intake of breath before she feels his hand under her chin. "Open your eyes," he whispers in a somewhat hurt voice.

Her heart flutters at the tone of his voice. "I…"

"Please…just open your eyes," he whispers as he runs his finger along her jaw line.

She slowly opens her eyes, unsure of the sight she will be met with. She is surprised to find his eyes filled with tears as he looks at her with a look that is foreign to her. It is not one of disgust. It is not one of anger. It is one of adoration.

She feels the breath knocked out of her as if she has been punched in the stomach. The look is unexpected. "Oh," she whispers.

He leans forward and brushes his lips slowly across hers. "I told you we didn't have to talk about it, but I'm going to say this. You, Meredith Grey, are the strongest person I have ever met. The things you have been through would destroy any other human being, but they have made you into an excellent, strong, and beautiful woman. As much as I hate everything you have been through, I…admire you for surviving," he whispers as he looks deep into her now crying eyes.

She nods silently before nodding towards the television. "Who's winning?" she asks in a strained voice.

Derek chuckles softly at her ability to shift the subject away from herself. "Portugal," he answers as they shift their bodies so that they can comfortably watch the television.

She rolls her eyes. "Of course," she answers lightly.

"Mmhmm," he answers simply as his eyes watch her instead of the screen.

"I mean," she says as she stares at the screen, "they do have Ronaldo."

Derek pulls slightly away from her. "And what does that mean?"

She shrugs. "He is ranked as the top player in the country right now. Of course his team can be expected to beat China, who currently has no topped ranked players that I know of," she answers matter-of-factly.

"Hmmm…" Derek answers as he leans back against the headboard and stares at the television screen. "Do you think he's a better player than me?" he asks after a minute.

She giggles as she looks up at him. "Seriously?" He looks at her and she can tell he is serious. "Fine," she says as she rolls her eyes. "You want the truth?" she asks.

"Of course," he answers simply as Ronaldo scores a goal for Portugal, something that only increases the frown on his face.

"I think that Ronaldo likes to dive, and that makes him less…attractive as a player. You, on the other hand, you don't like to go down. You don't take dives and you don't try to put on an act for the ref. However, Ronaldo has amazing skill. He plays for one of the best teams in the world and against some of the top teams and while I think that US soccer is improving, it still isn't up to par with the rest of the world, which serves to the detriment of some of the players," she answers.

"I see," he says as he glances down at her. "So, are you saying I would be a better player if I played for someone like Manchester United or Chelsea?" he asks.

"It's possible, but I'm also saying that it is difficult to measure your talent against his because the arenas are so different. This World Cup will be huge in determining the answer, but it will also depend on how well the rest of the team plays," she says as the game comes to an end.

"Okay then," he answers simply as they sit up.

"Okay?" she asks with an arched eyebrow.

"Thanks for being honest with me," he tells her with a small smile.

"You're not mad?" she asks as she bites down on her bottom lip.

He chuckles as he laces his fingers through hers. "Of course not. It's refreshing to have someone who isn't afraid to tell me the truth," he says with a small shrug.

She nods as they get up from the bed, her stomach growling loudly as she stands.

"Hungry?" he asks her with a chuckle.

She giggles as she nods her head.

"How about we order some room service?" he asks with a smile.

"That sounds great," she says with a smile as they walk into the living room.

He can't help but marvel at her amazing strength as she flips through the channels of the television. Her earlier admissions hang heavy in the air, but he knows that those are clouds that can only be dissipated with time and, with regards to Meredith Grey, he has all the time in the world.


	32. Chapter 32

**I just want to warn you that rape is discussed in this update. It isn't graphic, but is discussed nonetheless. Hope you enjoy. **

Meredith fumbles with the tie on her bath robe as she stares at her distorted reflection in the mirror. Distorted from the condensation that has formed from her hot shower. She reaches up and runs her hand quickly in a circle on the mirror so that she can see her face. Her hair is dangling down past her shoulders, standing out against the white terry cloth robe provided by the hotel. Her skin is golden, but a faint tinge of red can still be made out from the hard, hot pelting water from her shower.

They had lain in Derek's bed and watched Portugal win the match, making small talk about soccer as they did so. She had then decided she needed a shower and had pulled herself away from him. She did need a shower, but she also needed to think. She needed to think about her confession. She needed to think about the ramifications of that confession. But most of all, she needed to cry.

When she had said she needed to take a shower, Derek had raised his eyebrow, silently questioning her. She had rolled her eyes and promised him that she wasn't going to cut. And she didn't. She didn't cut. She couldn't bring herself to shave because of the temptation the razor might have offered, but she didn't cut. She had promised him that she wasn't going to cut, so she hadn't cut. She had crumbled to the floor of the shower and curled into a fetal position as sobs racked her body, but she hadn't cut.

She stares at her reflection, her stringy hair and puffy eyes, and she wonders what he sees in her. She is damaged. She is broken. She feels like she keeps throwing her shit at him and he doesn't deserve that. He shouldn't have to deal with her problems. They are her problems, not his, and he doesn't need them. He deserves better. He deserves some Malibu Barbie who is perfect and isn't scary and damaged. He deserves bright and shiny, not dark and twisty. She is definitely dark and twisty.

But he makes her want to be bright and shiny. He makes her want to strive to emerge from the dark and twisty and try out the bright and shiny.

A light knock on the door jolts her from her reverie.

"Mer? You okay?" his worried voice calls through the door.

In response, Meredith reaches over and opens the door. He smiles at her as he steps into the bathroom and places a soft kiss on her still damp forehead.

"Hmm…you smell good," he tells her as he wraps his arms around her waist and buries his nose in her damp hair.

She pulls away from him slightly. "I'm damaged, and not just in a chip or crack damaged, but like major structural damage and could collapse at any moment damage, damaged. You don't need that. You can do better. You don't need my problems and you shouldn't be with someone so damaged…"

He steps forward and places his finger on her lips, a frown forming on his mouth as the color in his eyes darken just slightly. "You are damaged. You are damaged and may collapse at any moment, but I want to be your structural support beam. I want to be that support you need so that you can begin to repair the damage. You have been torn down, but I want to help you rebuild, renovate. Because all of your damage, all of your cracks, all of the shit that other people have thrown at you, all of that shit, that makes you better and stronger. You are not some dilapidated, condemned building. You are a mansion in Beverly Hills and don't for one second think that you are not good enough for me. If anything, you deserve better than me," he tells her with a tinge of anger in his voice. Anger that is not directed at Meredith, but those people in her life who have hurt her so much.

The tears run down Meredith's face as she silently nods. She steps forward and wraps her arms around his body, burying her face in his chest. He runs his hands up and down her back as he hugs her close.

She takes a deep breath, ready to reopen a wound that never really closed, that she never really acknowledged.

"It hurt. It hurt so bad. I cried. I cried and begged for him to stop, but he didn't…and then I gave up. I gave up and just closed my eyes, hoping that it would be over soon. I closed my eyes and imagined that I was younger and my mom was still alive and she was teaching my how to bake her famous homemade chocolate chip cookies. I can still smell the gin on his breath," she whispers as she clings desperately to Derek.

"You don't have to do this…" Derek whispers comfortingly.

"Yes, I do. You deserve to know," she whispers before continuing. "He just got up and left after, telling me that the sex sucked and that I was worthless. Then he ended it and walked out. As soon as I heard the door shut, I ran to the shower and turned the water on as hot as I could get it before sinking into the bottom. My body ached and I felt so dirty. It didn't matter how many showers I took, I still felt like a dirty slut. I felt like I deserved it for being so stupid and weak. I didn't cry in the shower. I didn't cry after I had initially begged him to stop. I became numb until I started cutting again," she finishes in a soft voice.

"I'm so sorry," Derek whispers.

"No, I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I just wanted you to know," she tells him in a strong voice as she pulls back.

Derek just nods as his hands travel down to her waist. "I promise you this, when we do have sex, I will make sure that you will enjoy it. It may be uncomfortable, but I promise that you will not experience that pain and I promise to stop the second you say the word," he tells her earnestly.

She looks up at him through teary eyes. "You still want to have sex with me?"

Derek smiles warmly at her as he cocks his head to the side. He pulls her body closer to his. "I can't wait to have sex with you," he tells her in a soft voice before leaning in and whispering in her ear. "I can't wait to show you just how amazing sex can be. I can't wait to be inside of you and hear you calling my name. I can't wait, but I will. I will wait until you're ready, until we're ready," he says before placing a soft kiss behind her ear.

"Thank you," she whispers.

"You're welcome," he responds as he pulls back and smiles at her. He leans down and kisses her quickly on the lips. "Now, why don't you go get in your pajamas and then we can watch a movie and eat junk food."

Meredith giggles as she nods her head. Her wounds and scars are many, but she can feel them beginning to heal and disappear the longer she spends with Derek. For once in a very long time, she feels like everything is going to be okay.


	33. Chapter 33

**Sorry about the lack of updates. My life is insane now...and I barely have time to be on the computer. I hope it was worth the wait and thank you all for your wonderful comments. They make my day. **

**-Marci**

As Derek stares down at the strong woman curled up in his lap, he feels his heart begin to pound loudly against the walls of his chest. Everything that she has been through, everything that she has endured, only makes the pounding increase in intensity. A smile tugs at the corner of his lips as a small snore escapes from her tiny form. He knows that they will only get louder, but he now finds comfort in a sound that once drove him insane. He finds comfort because it is Meredith's sound. It is Meredith's sound and he knows that those snores indicate that she is in a deep sleep.

She shifts slightly in his lap and he automatically reaches down to run his fingers through her tangled hair. She had fallen asleep after only fifteen minutes of the drama she had chosen without any argument from him. They hadn't even opened the junk food.

Now the credits are rolling silently down the muted television as their sounds of existence are the only ones in the room. He runs his fingers slowly up her bare forearm, silently chuckling as goosebumps erupt immediately behind his trail.

"Hmmm," she mumbles as she shifts and stretches out her legs.

His heart rate increases as she turns, her head brushing across his groin as she buries her face in his stomach. He can feel her take a deep breath before she reaches up and clutches the cotton material of his white shirt in her first.

"Derek?" she mutters, her eyes still closed, her voice laced with the heaviness of sleep.

"Yeah?" he instinctively whispers in response.

"Hmmm," she mumbles again as she buries her face even further into his shirt. "You smell good."

Derek chuckles as his fingers dance across the small of her back. "Thanks."

"Welcome," she mutters sleepily as she turns her head to look up at him. Her eyes open slowly as she attempts to remove the weight of sleep from their lids.

He traces the tip of his forefinger under her left eye. "Did you have a nice nap?" he asks with a warm smile.

She smiles sheepishly. "I did. Sorry for falling asleep."

"No need to apologize," he says warmly.

"Was the movie good?" she asks as she starts to slowly sit up.

He chuckles as he helps her sit up, only to hug her body against his. "I wouldn't know. I was watching you."

She jerks her head in his direction. "Watching me?" she asks, confusion wrinkling her brow.

He leans in and places a kiss on her forehead. "Mmhmm…you are adorable when you sleep."

She rolls her eyes. "I think that qualifies you as a creeper."

Derek tilts his head back and laughs heartily. "A creeper?" he asks amused.

She nods seriously. "The substantive form of the noun creep. Creeper," she states factually.

"And here I thought it would qualify me as a romantic," he says as he tries to force his smile into a frown, but fails miserably.

A serious look crosses Meredith's face as she turns to face him. "You don't have to be a romantic," she says emphatically.

"Of course I do," he says with a smile.

Meredith pulls back from him slightly. "No, you don't. I just want you to be you. You don't have to try with me. I don't need the romantic gestures of the outrageously expensive restaurants."

Derek frowns as he furrows his brow. "But I want to do romantic things for you. I want to pamper you and shower you with gifts" he says somewhat confused.

"My father has showered me with gifts all my life when all I've ever wanted was his time. The best thing you could ever give me is you. I don't need anything else," she says as the tears well.

He wraps his arms around her. "Oh, Mer," he whispers into her hair. "I'm a given. You couldn't get rid of me if you tried. My gifts, my pampering, will not be a substitute for my time, but my way of thanking you for giving me yours."

Meredith places her hand over her mouth as she tries to keep a sob at bay. He can feel her hot tears on the skin of his neck.

"What's wrong?" he asks worriedly as he pulls back to look into her eyes.

"No one…" she gasps "has ever said anything like that to me," she manages in a strangled voice.

A sad smile graces Derek's lips as he leans forward to kiss away a tear just escaping from the confines of her eye. He opens his mouth to speak, but finds his words muted by Meredith's hungry lips descending upon his. It takes him a moment to wraps his arms tighter around her body, pulling her closer, as he recovers from the shock. Her fingers tangle in his hair as she moves to straddle his lap. Derek groans appreciatively into her mouth as their tongues mesh together.

She finally pulls back after a moment, her eyes closed and her forehead resting against his. Derek runs his hands silently up and down her back. She can feel the blood rushing to her head as desire floods her body. Her hands trail slowly down his chiseled chest as she imprints the feel of his muscles in her memory.

"Derek?" she asks somewhat breathless.

"Hmm?" he murmurs.

She can almost feel his adam's apple vibrating against her skin as the thousands of nerves along her skin suddenly become inflamed. "You know what we did the other night?" she asks as a blush creeps up her neck and into her cheeks.

Derek opens his eyes and smiles broadly at the memory. "I do," he says with a small nod. "I remember it very well," he says in a deeper voice.

Meredith can feel her body almost tremble at his words. "Can we do it again?" she asks quietly. "Only…this time…can…will you…can I?" she stumbles over the words.

Derek moves his hands from her back to her face. "We can do whatever you want," he whispers, his hot breath fanning across her face as his own desire begins to grow, causing him to shift uncomfortably.

As Meredith opens her eyes, a small, seductive smile curving the corner of his lips, Derek silently vows to give Meredith more than just his time. He vows to give everything he has to this tiny siren who has captivated the rowdy soccer player's heart and has continued to hold in hostage in her delicate hands.


	34. Chapter 34

**Finally an update! I know it has been forever...and I apologize. My life is extremely hectic right now...and I don't always post here right away. You can always read the updates as soon as I post them on my site that is listed on my profile. I hope I still have some readers...and I hope you guys enjoy the update. Thanks for reading and being patient with me.**

**-Marci**

Meredith becomes vaguely aware of something scratching her shoulder. Shortly after she begins to feel a wet warmth as Derek's mouth begins to place small kisses along her shoulder. She keeps her eyes closed, relishing in the sensations that his mouth is sending through her body.

"I know you're awake," he murmurs against her bare skin, the vibrations reverberating throughout her entire body.

She mumbles incoherently as he slowly slides the sheet down her body. He chuckles in response, his hot breath fanning over her in puffs.

"I get that you're not a morning person, but I was thinking about breakfast," he whispers as he brushes his lips against her ear.

Her eyes pop open as she turns to look at him. She doesn't think about the sheet falling further down to reveal her bare breasts. "Ooohh…french toast…with strawberries…and coffee…I need coffee…" she rambles excitedly as she looks up at him.

He chuckles warmly as he runs his hand down the side of her bare breast, causing her to gasp. "Hungry?" he asks as his eyes darken.

A flush begins to form in Meredith's cheeks, working its way down her neck and chest. "Starved," she breathes almost inaudibly.

As Derek dips his head down to give her a good morning kiss, the shrill ringing of a phone causes them both to jump. Meredith blinks several times as she attempts to regain her footing on solid ground and Derek grumbles.

"Are you going to answer that?" he groans into her neck.

"It's your room!" she whispers harshly, almost as if she is afraid the person on the phone can hear her.

Derek chuckles as he lifts himself over her and reaches for the phone. "Right. Forgot that part," he smiles at her as he picks up the phone. "Derek Shepherd," he answers in his most professional tone. He suddenly turns white. "Oh…Mr. Grey…Meredith…yes…she is…I don't know why she isn't answering the phone in her room…maybe she has her ipod in her ears…she has been listening to that thing nonstop…something about not being able to stand the sound of my voice…" he says as he smiles broadly at Meredith, who has now turned the color of the sheets. "Right away, sir," he says as he places his hand over the phone.

"What does he want?" Meredith whispers.

Derek chuckles. "To talk to his little princess."

Meredith rolls her eyes. "Whatever," she mutters as she shifts, suddenly becoming aware of something stiff now poking her in the side.

Derek shrugs as he hands her the phone, fighting the urge to climb on top of her and take her right then and there as her soft skin brushes against him.

"H…hi, daddy," Meredith stutters as her cheeks begin to flush. "S..sorry…was listening to my ipod…" she answers as she stares at Derek. "I know…I saw him play…Yes, it was quite amazing…What? Why do you want me to talk to him? But…he…okay..okay…I will…I will see what I can do…I will…Bye," she says as she hangs the phone up.

"Ugh!" she explains as she throws herself back against the pillows, not thinking about the way the action would make her boobs bounce.

Derek forces himself to tear his eyes away from her exposed chest. "What is it?"

Meredith narrows her eyes at him. "He wants me to talk to another player while I'm here."

Derek knits his brow as he brushes a strand of hair out of Meredith's face. "Who?"

"It doesn't matter. He won't join the team anyways. It would be almost impossible to get him out of his contract. It just doesn't make any sense. It would cost millions to acquire him and he doesn't even play in any of the positions we need filled," she rants as she stares at the wall.

"Okay…" Derek says slowly. "Why are you so upset?" he asks confused.

"Because…because he says he is handing the team over to me yet he dictates everything that has to do with the team. Like he actually knows anything about soccer. Seriously!"

Derek chuckles as he leans down and brushes his lips quickly across hers. "Has he already signed the papers handing the team over," he mutters against her lips.

"Yes," she huffs.

"Well, then it doesn't matter what he tells you. The team is yours. You can do whatever you want," he says as he begins to place soft kisses along her jawline.

"You're right," she says softly in sudden realization. "I can't believe I didn't realize that." She mutters as she begins to run her nails up Derek's sculpted back.

Derek chuckles as he moves one hand to cup Meredith's breast. "I know. I'm a genius."

Meredith rolls her eyes as she tugs on the curls at the nape of his neck, pulling him back and forcing him to look at her. "You…are not a genius. Soccer god with amazing body? Yes. Genius? Hardly," she says seriously before giggling.

Derek feigns shock and hurt as he pulls back. "I'm hurt. Really. That…really hurt.."

Meredith sticks out her lips in a pouty look. "Awww…did I hurt soccer god's feelings?" she giggles.

Derek narrows his eyes at her. "You…are going to pay for that," he says as he begins to tickle her.

"No! No!" she gasps as she squirms under his touch.

"Not until you apologize," he chuckles as her squirming only causes him to grow harder.

"Have…have to pee!" she gasps as she suddenly escapes from his grasp and jumps out of the bed.

He can't help but chuckle as he watches her bare ass disappear into the bathroom. Meredith Grey is one feisty girl that he just can't seem to get enough of. He picks up the phone and dials down to the front desk. He has plans to make and he doesn't want Meredith to hear them.


End file.
